In my last post, we began to look at evidence for the resurrection of Jesus. We covered three key facts that ancient primary source documents tell us regarding Jesus and the events surrounding his death. They were:

  1. Jesus died by Roman crucifixion.
  2. Jesus’s tomb was found empty.
  3. Soon after the crucifixion, people said they saw Jesus alive. This included the apostle Peter, the church persecutor Paul, and the skeptic James the brother of Jesus.

Today, we’ll look at one more key fact, and then we’ll consider what conclusions we can draw.

4) Jesus’s followers were willing to die for their belief in the resurrection.

After Jesus’s crucifixion, his scared and confused followers scattered and hid. But then something amazing happened: they claimed they had seen Jesus alive again! Suddenly, they were transformed. They spoke boldly and publicly about Jesus being raised from the dead. Even after Jewish leaders and Roman officials threatened them with punishment, torture, and death, they refused to recant their testimony about seeing Jesus alive.

The biblical books tell us of some of the persecution, but extra-biblical sources tell us about the martyrdoms of Peter, Paul, and James (Sean McDowell, The Fate of the Apostles: Examining the Martyrdom Accounts of the Closest Followers of Jesus , 91, 113, 134).

Martyrs testified to the resurrection
Many early Christians lost everything (Konstantin Flavitsky, 1862, public domain)
  • Peter went from denying he knew Jesus to boldly proclaiming Jesus’s resurrection. Rome crucified Peter.
  • Paul transformed from persecuting Jewish Christians to claiming he saw Jesus alive. He boldly spread news of the resurrection throughout the Roman empire. Rome beheaded him.
  • James the brother of Jesus changed from thinking his brother was crazy before the crucifixion to claiming the resurrected Jesus appeared to him. He became a leader of the Christian church (Acts 15:13; 21:18; Galatians 2:9). Jewish leaders executed him.

The disciples’ willingness to testify that they saw Jesus alive after he died despite threats against them is evidence that the disciples had experiences that they sincerely believed were appearances of the resurrected Jesus.

Don’t people die for lies?

But don’t people die for lies they believe are true? Yes, but there’s a crucial difference between them and those who claimed to see Jesus alive. Gary Habermas and Michael Licona explain:

No one questions the sincerity of the Muslim terrorist who blows himself up in a public place or the Buddhist monk who burns himself alive as a political protest. Extreme acts do not validate the truth of their beliefs, but willingness to die indicates that they regarded their beliefs as true. Moreover, there is an important difference between the apostle martyrs and those who die for their beliefs today. Modern martyrs act solely out of their trust in beliefs that others have taught them. The apostles died for holding to their own testimony that they had personally seen the risen Jesus. Contemporary martyrs die for what they believe to be true. The disciples of Jesus died for what they knew to be either true or false.

Gary R. Habermas and Michael R. Licona, The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus (Grand Rapids: Kregel, 2004), 59.

The conclusion of skeptics

That is why skeptic Bart D. Ehrman writes,

Historians, of course, have no difficulty whatsoever speaking about the belief in Jesus’ resurrection, since this is a matter of public record. For it is a historical fact that some of Jesus’ followers came to believe that he had been raised from the dead soon after his execution. We know some of these believers by name; one of them, the apostle Paul, claims quite plainly to have seen Jesus alive after his death.

Bart D. Ehrman, Jesus: Apocalyptic Prophet of the New Millennium (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2001), 231 (emphasis mine).
Ascension of Christ after resurrection
Rembrandt: The Ascension of Christ

It is also why atheist Gerd Lüdemann writes,

It is certain that something must have happened after Jesus’ death which led his followers to speak of Jesus as the risen Christ.

Gerd Lüdemann, What Really Happened to Jesus? An Historical Approach to the Resurrection, trans. John Bowden (Louisville: Westminster John Knox, 1995), 26.

Scholarly consensus

In fact, Gary Habermas surveyed more that 1,400 sources on the resurrection since 1975 and concluded this:

Perhaps no fact is more widely recognized than that early Christian believers had real experiences that they thought were appearances of the risen Jesus. A critic may claim that what they saw were hallucinations or visions, but he does not deny that they actually experienced something.

The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus, 60.

What Best Accounts for These Facts?

Here are some of the options that skeptics put forth.

The resurrection is a legend?

The claims about the resurrection occurred too soon after the crucifixion for a legend to arise, and the disciples’ willingness to die shows they believed they saw the risen Jesus.

Jesus swooned?

A team of medical experts examined what we now know about scourging, crucifixion, and the account of Jesus’s death. Scourging resulted in severe blood loss. The crucified victim sometimes lived for days in tremendous pain. To exhale, he had to push up on his nail-pierced feet and wrists. Thus, when the soldiers wanted to hasten the death of the two men crucified with Jesus, they broke their legs. When they saw that Jesus was already dead, they pierced his side with a sword, causing a flow of blood and water. Here is what the medical team concluded:

Clearly, the weight of historical and medical evidence indicates that Jesus was dead before the wound to his side was inflicted and supports the traditional view that the spear, thrust between his right ribs, probably perforated not only the right lung but also the pericardium and heart and thereby ensured his death… Accordingly, interpretations based on the assumption that Jesus did not die on the cross appear to be at odds with modern medical knowledge.

William D. Edwards, Wesley J. Gabel, and Floyd E. Hosmer, “On the Physical Death of Jesus Christ,” JAMA: The Journal of the American Medical Association, 1986, 255:1463.

More problems with the swoon theory

Resurrection came after the crucifixion
“The Three Crosses,” by Rembrandt, 1653

Even if Jesus had somehow survived, he could not have rolled away the heavy stone, made it past the guards, and walked on injured feet to find the disciples. And if he had, the disciples would have thought that he survived, not that he was resurrected. They would have had to get him medical care and nurse him back to health. A weak and wounded Jesus would not have inspired the disciples to risk their lives proclaiming Jesus was raised from the dead.

Finally, this theory can’t account for the radical transformation of James and Paul.

The disciples hallucinated?

By far the most popular theory today among skeptics today is that the disciples only hallucinated what they thought were actual appearances of the resurrected Jesus.

But the hallucination theory doesn’t work because hallucinations are individual experiences of the mind, like dreams. Therefore, they cannot be shared. Yet, many of the testimonies about Jesus’s appearances were to more than one person at a time. Jesus appeared more than once to the eleven (John 20:19,26; 21:1), to two disciples on the road to Emmaus (Luke 24:13-31), and on one occasion to more than 500 people (1 Corinthians 15:6).  Interestingly, when Paul writes about the appearance to the 500, he claims “most of whom are still alive,” implying, “You can go ask them yourselves.”

Indeed, for their experiences to be hallucinations, John would have had to have hallucinated Peter talking to Jesus while Peter hallucinated talking to Jesus when John passed by, both hearing the same words. While Thomas hallucinated Jesus telling him to put his hands in his wound, the other ten disciples would have had to have hallucinated watching the conversation.

Hallucinations aren’t shared

In fact, when U.S. Navy SEALS train, hallucinations are common due to extreme fatigue and sleep deprivation. But no two hallucinations are alike:

Most hallucinations occur while the candidates, as a team, paddle in a raft out in the ocean. One believed that he saw an octopus come out of the water and wave at him! Another thought he saw a train coming across the water headed straight toward the raft. Another believed that he saw a large wall, which the raft would crash into if the team persisted in paddling. When the octopus, train, and wall were pointed out by the candidates to the rest of the team, no one else saw them, even though they were all in the same frame of mind. Most of them hallucinated at some point, but none of them participated in the hallucination of another.

The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus, 106-107.

The disciples stole the body?

Then they died for what they knew was a lie, and no one does that. People die for what they think is true that turns out to be false. But if they stole the dead body, then they were proclaiming a resurrection they knew didn’t happen. No one dies for what they know is a lie.

resurrection
“The Resurrection” ~ woodcut by Dore

In addition, this doesn’t account for the conversion of the two skeptics, James and Paul. Neither believed Jesus was the Messiah before the crucifixion. Both had experiences that they thought were appearances of Jesus. Both were willing to die rather than recant their testimony that they saw Jesus alive after the crucifixion.

Habermas and Licona write,

If the direct witnesses really believed that he rose from the dead, we can dismiss contentions that they stole the body and made up the story. In fact, virtually all scholars agree on that point, whatever their own theological positions.

The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus, 62.

That Jesus really was raised from the dead?

This best accounts for the historical facts: Jesus really was raised from the dead. That’s why we can trust him and what he said.

That Jesus really was raised from the dead best accounts for the historical facts. Share on X

Interested in the evidence that Jesus fulfilled Old Testament promises, prophecies, & types? See my book, Discovering Jesus in the Old Testament.


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Is there evidence for the resurrection of Jesus Christ? Or is Christianity simply a matter of blind faith?

It claims not to be. According to the Gospels, Jesus said his being “three days and three nights in the heart of the earth” would be the “sign” that he came from God in fulfillment of Old Testament scriptures (Matthew 12:39-40). This is an obvious reference to his death, burial, and resurrection on the third day. Paul said that God “has given proof…to everyone” that he would judge the world by Jesus “by raising him from the dead” (Acts 17:31). He also wrote, “And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain” (1 Corinthians 15:14).

If the resurrection is supposed to prove so much, what evidence do we have today that it really happened?

Quite a bit.

The Testimony of Ancient Documents

Crucifixion before Resurrection
The Crucifixion (Rembrandt [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

We possess many ancient documents that tell us about the beginnings of Christianity. Scholars call these primary source documents. A primary source document is a first-hand account of a topic. Some of the primary source documents are extra-biblical (outside of the Bible).

The four Gospels, Acts, and 1 Corinthians are also primary source documents. They record Jesus’s death as well as eyewitness testimonies of Jesus’s subsequent resurrection.

A few skeptics object that these documents have not been accurately transmitted. That is, they claim the biblical sources must have been altered over time. But this is not true. Scholars use what’s called the bibliographical test to gauge how accurately ancient documents have been transmitted.

The bibliographical test examines the reliability of ancient manuscripts.

This test compares the number of surviving manuscripts of ancient documents and how much time elapsed between the earliest surviving copy and the date the original manuscript was handwritten.

Clay Jones explains:

The bibliographical test examines manuscript reliability, and for more than a generation Christian apologists have employed it to substantiate the transmissional reliability of the New Testament. The bibliographical test compares the closeness of the New Testament’s oldest extant manuscripts to the date of its autographs (the original handwritten documents) and the sheer number of the New Testament’s extant manuscripts with the number and earliness of extant manuscripts of other ancient documents such as Homer, Aristotle, and Herodotus.

Since the New Testament manuscripts outstrip every other ancient manuscript in sheer number and proximity to the autographs, the New Testament should be regarded as having been accurately transmitted. 

Clay Jones, “The Bibliographical Test Updated,” The Christian Research Journal

In other words, the bibliographical test shows that the biblical texts were accurately copied.

Ancient Documents Establish Key Facts

Now let’s move on to key facts that the primary source documents establish. Even skeptical and atheist scholars agree on a surprising number of basic facts.

1) Jesus died by Roman crucifixion.

Resurrection came after the crucifixion
“The Three Crosses,” by Rembrandt, 1653

That Jesus was crucified around AD 30 is a fact of history attested to in multiple primary source documents, including documents written by those who didn’t believe Jesus rose from the dead.

For example, the Roman historian Tacitus (56–120) wrote,

Nero fastened the guilt and inflicted the most exquisite tortures on a class hated for their abominations, called Christians by the populace. Christus, from whom the name had its origin, suffered the extreme penalty during the reign of Tiberius at the hands of one of our procurators, Pontius Pilatus.

Tacitus, Annals

Of course, the “extreme penalty” is crucifixion.

Skeptic and co-chair of the Jesus Seminar John Dominic Crossan writes,

That he was crucified is as sure as anything historical can ever be.

John Dominic Crossan, Jesus: A Revolutionary Biography (San Francisco: HarperCollins, 1987), 179 .

The biblical sources also record the crucifixion: Matthew 27:32-31; Mark 15:21-47; Luke 23:18-54; John 19; Acts 2:23, 36; 4:10; and 1 Corinthians 1:23; 2:2; 2:8. Dr. Gary Habermas and Dr. Michael Licona write that the evidence for this and other data we’ll look at

are so strongly evidenced historically that nearly every scholar regards them as reliable facts.

Gary R. Habermas and Michael R. Licona, The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus (Grand Rapids: Kregel, 2004), 48.

2) Jesus’s tomb was found empty.

The four Gospels record that Jesus’s dead body was laid in a tomb, but the tomb was found empty days later. Here’s what else they record.

A Jewish leader placed Jesus’s dead body in a tomb.

Angel in tomb after the resurrection
“The Resurrection” ~ woodcut by Dore

All four Gospels record that a member of the Jewish ruling council named Joseph of Arimathea removed Jesus’s dead body from the cross and laid it in his own tomb (Matthew 27:57-60; Mark 15:42-46; Luke 23:50-53; John 19:38-42). This is significant because it is highly unlikely that the Gospel authors would fabricate this detail since it would have been easily verifiable by people alive at the time. Additionally, the early Christians blamed the Jewish leaders for the crucifixion, which makes it incredulous that they would invent a story about one of them attending to Jesus’s body.

Details like these are why cofounder and president emeritus of Internet Infidels, Jeffrey Jay Lowder, writes,

The burial of Jesus by Joseph of Arimathea has a high final probability.

Jeffrey Jay Lowder, “Historical Evidence and the Empty Tomb Story: A Reply to William Lane Craig,” in The Empty Tomb: Jesus Beyond the Grave, ed. Robert M. Price and Jeffery Jay Lowder (Amherst, NY: Prometheus, 2005), 265–66.

The tomb was found empty.

Next, the four Gospels report that on the third day after burial, women found the tomb empty (Matthew 28:1-15; Mark 16:1-8; Luke 24:1-12; John 20:1-10). Clay Jones explains the significance:

That the Gospels record women as being the first to discover the empty tomb makes it likely because of what is called the “criterion of embarrassment.” The criterion of embarrassment is a type of critical analysis where authors are presumed to be telling the truth if they record something that might be embarrassing to them or their cause. In short, no one in first-century Palestine would concoct a story with women taking the lead in the most vital discovery of Christianity!

Clay Jones, Immortal: How the Fear of Death Drives Us and What We Can Do About It (Oregon: Harvest House, 2020).

They record that after that, two disciples found the tomb empty (Luke 24:12; John 20:2-7).

The Jews claimed the disciples stole the body.

Matthew wrote that the Jewish leaders paid the guards who were watching the tomb to say that the disciples came at night while the guards slept and stole the body (Matthew 28:11-15). Extra-biblical documents attest to this report too. Justin Martyr (100–165) in his dialog with the Jew Trypho wrote:

You have sent chosen and ordained men throughout all the world to proclaim that a godless and lawless heresy had sprung from one Jesus, a Galilaean deceiver, whom we crucified, but his disciples stole him by night from the tomb, where he was laid when unfastened from the cross, and now deceive men by asserting that he has risen from the dead and ascended to heaven.

Justin Martyr, “Dialog with Trypho,” in Ante-Nicene Christian Library: Translations of the Writings of the Fathers, vol. 2, Justin Martyr and Athenagoras, trans. Marcus Dods, George Reith, and B.P. Pratten, ed. Alexander Roberts and James Donaldson (Edinburg: T&T Clark, 1879), 235.

Why would the Jewish leaders claim Jesus’s body was stolen unless the tomb was empty? Additionally, if the Jewish leaders weren’t saying this, why would Matthew report this embarrassing detail?

Without an empty tomb, Christianity wouldn’t have begun.

Finally, if the tomb wasn’t empty, all the Jewish and Roman leaders had to do to quell Christianity was to produce Jesus’s body. Habermas and Licona note,

In the arid climate of Jerusalem, a corpse’s hair, stature, and distinctive wounds would have been identifiable even after fifty days.

The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus , 70.

Christianity’s critics nowhere claimed to have found his body. Instead, they claimed the disciples stole the body. That is why

…roughly 75 percent of scholars on the subject accept the empty tomb as a historical fact.

The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus , 70.

3) Soon after the crucifixion, people said they saw Jesus alive.

The primary source documents tell us that Jesus’s followers and two former skeptics all saw Jesus alive.

Ascension of Christ after resurrection
Rembrandt: The Ascension of Christ

Jesus’s followers claimed to see Jesus alive.

After Jesus’s crucifixion and burial, his confused and scared followers scattered and hid. But something happened that emboldened them.

Matthew recorded that he and the other ten disciples saw and spoke to the resurrected Jesus as a group (Matthew 28:16-20).

John wrote that the risen Jesus appeared to him, the other ten disciples, a woman, and others, often in groups (John 20:11-31).

Peter proclaimed to thousands that he was a witness to the fact that God had raised Jesus from the dead, as the non-Jewish historian Luke recorded (Acts 2; Acts 3:15; 4:10; etc.). Peter also wrote about the resurrection (1 Peter 1:21).

Former skeptic James saw Jesus alive.

Before the crucifixion, Jesus’s brother thought Jesus was “out of his mind” and tried to stop him from teaching publicly (Mark 3:21; John 7:5). According to an early Christian creed, the resurrected Jesus appeared to James (1 Corinthians 15:7).

Former Christian persecutor Paul claimed to see Jesus alive.

Paul (also known as Saul) was a devout Jew and a member of the strict Pharisee sect. He persecuted Jews who became Christians (Acts 8:3). Then one day he had an experience which he described as an encounter with the resurrected Jesus (Acts 9:1-9).

Jesus’s followers proclaimed the resurrection soon after the crucifixion.

I mentioned an early Christian creed. Paul quoted it here:

For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas [Peter], then to the twelve. Then he appeared to more than five hundred brothers at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have fallen asleep. Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles. Last of all, as to one untimely born, he appeared also to me.

1 Corinthians 15:3-8

Paul wrote 1 Corinthians around AD 55 (The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus, 52). He wrote that he had earlier “delivered” to them what he had “received.” That means Paul received the creed before his earlier visit to Corinth.

Based on this, skeptic Gerd Lüdemann writes,

We can assume that all the elements in the tradition are to be dated to the first two years after the crucifixion of Jesus.

Gerd Lüdemann, Resurrection of Jesus: History, Experience, Theology (Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1995), 38.

Likewise, atheist Michael Goulder notes that Paul’s testimony

…goes back at least to what Paul was taught when he was converted, a couple of years after the crucifixion.

Michael Goulder, “The Baseless Fabric of a Vision,” in Resurrection Reconsidered, ed. Gavin D’Costa (Oxford: Oneworld, 1996), 48.

To Be Continued

We’ve looked at key three facts that primary source documents support. That’s all we have room for in this post. So I’ll continue with the last one and the conclusions we can make from them in my next post.

The last one’s a doozy you won’t want to miss!

Discover how primary source documents provide evidence for the resurrection of Jesus Share on X

Interested in the evidence that Jesus fulfilled Old Testament promises, prophecies, & types? See my book, Discovering Jesus in the Old Testament.


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In this series, I answer a reader who asked whether there will be sadness in heaven for parents of unsaved children. In Part 1, I listed several unsatisfying approaches to the question. Part 2 explains the first of three considerations involving this question: that blood relationships to both saved and unsaved children will change in heaven. This post examines two more considerations, both ways the judgment will affect sadness in heaven.

2) Revelation will Lessen Sadness in Heaven

Two of my girlfriends who thought they had married nearly perfect, godly men recently discovered their husbands had been involved in long-term affairs. Both women were shocked to find out that the men they were certain they knew intimately were actually living double lives: there was the “faithful Christian” life they portrayed in front of family and church friends, and then there was the worldly life they lived among others and in their thoughts.

Both men called hiding their sin from others “compartmentalizing”; the Bible calls it “walking in darkness” (John 3:20-21). The wives had loved a façade, not who that person really was.

Sometimes We Love a Facade

We cannot know with certainty what another person is like here on earth. But at the judgment, God will expose people’s hidden sins and motives (Romans 2:16; 1 Corinthians 4:5; Matthew 10:26). When we see the true nature of people who continued in evil and refused to repent, that nature may shock us, but it will also enlighten us as to why they don’t belong in the kingdom of heaven. Sometimes we will learn we loved a façade and the person we thought we loved never existed.

The “Remains” of the Unsaved will Differ

The question remains: The saved resurrect to glorified bodies, but what of the unsaved? Jesus speaks of “both soul and body” being destroyed in hell (Matthew 10:28), but the type of body isn’t clear. C. S. Lewis argues in The Problem of Pain that it will be less than the earthly body:

What is cast (or casts itself) into hell is not a man: it is “remains”. To be a complete man means to have the passions obedient to the will and the will offered to God: to have been a man—to be an ex-man or ”damned ghost”—would presumably mean to consist of a will utterly centred in its self and passions utterly uncontrolled by the will.” (1953: 113-114)

He illuminates his meaning further in the novel, The Great Divorce. If Lewis is right, then seeing ex-humans with uncontrolled wills will do much to help us understand why they are lost (though without necessarily stopping sorrow over the loss of what might have been—more on this momentarily).

3) Joy and Sadness can Co-exist

Sadness in Heaven over Unsaved Loved Ones

Detail of martyred Bartholomew in “Last Judgement” by Michelangelo (Web Gallery of Art, public domain, Wikimedia)

Philosopher and ethicist Adam C. Pelser argues in Paradise Understood that the saved will at times feel sadness and somberness over the lost, but that will not diminish joy. He says emotions result from evaluating something as good or bad, so emotions such as sadness and somberness are valuable because they help us “perceive, know, and appreciatively understand” badness and they enable us to fully appreciate goodness. For example, contemplating the Crucifixion on Good Friday causes sadness and somberness, but also increases “a deep, appreciative understanding of the significance of the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ” and therefore increases the joy of celebrating Easter (2017: 130-131).

Joy and Sadness in Scripture Together

Pelser argues:

Indeed, Scripture attests that it is possible to experience a deep and abiding joy even amidst the most severe trials and tribulations of this life (cf. James 1:2). If a joy that is “inexpressible and filled with glory” is possible in this life (1 Peter 1:8), still so full of pain and suffering, how much more will a deep and abiding joy be possible in heaven where those who are saved will live forever free from the many and varied trials and tribulations of this life? Just as Christian joy need not be diminished by sad and somber reflection on the crucifixion of Christ in this life, the stable, enduring state of perfect heavenly joy will not be diminished by moments of sadness and somberness toward negative realities, especially when one views and understands those negative realities in the light of God’s perfect goodness. (2017: 131)

If Pelser is correct, then sadness can co-exist with joy even in this life.

Joy and Sadness on Earth Together

One of our foster children at 14 ran away to connect with her birth mom and gain freedom to live with boys, forget school, and enjoy drugs. We were heartbroken, while at the same time relieved to have the violence and turmoil she brought finally gone. We knew the separation was good for our family, yet cried over her choices because we loved her dearly.

But here’s the thing. Even though her choices and pain still saddens us, we no longer shed tears. In fact, somber reflection about her co-exists with a joyous knowledge of God’s grace to us and others.

Joy and Sadness in Heaven Together

Now, between our deaths and the creation of the new heavens and earth there will be time—perhaps substantial time. The judgment of billions of people follows the general resurrection. My husband Clay in his book, Why Does God Allow Evil?, points out that it would take 133,090 years to judge for ten minutes all seven billion alive today (2017: 155). That’s a long time and doesn’t include the judgments of those who have lived before.

My point is that there will be time to consider and adjust to losses of loved ones. The tears that God wipes away may include tears over lost loved ones.

Who knows? When God wipes away the tears, we may talk to him about all the attempts we and he made to draw those loved ones in, and we will be satisfied that all that could be done was. Somber reflection will co-exist with a joyous knowledge of God’s grace to us.

And when the day of Christ reveals loved ones whom we have poured our lives into are saved, we “may be proud that [we] did not run in vain or labor in vain” (Philippians 2:16). We shall join with angels in taking great joy over them (Luke 15:10).

Sadness in heaven over unsaved loved ones? Part 3: 2 Ways the Judgment will Affect Sadness Share on X

Sorrow in heaven over lost loved ones? Surprising answer of @AdamCPelser! Share on X

In This Series “Will there be Sorrow in Heaven over Unsaved Children?”:
For further reading:

In Will there be Sorrow in Heaven over Unsaved Children? Part 1, I began to address a reader’s question about sorrow in heaven over unsaved children and I listed three approaches to it that don’t work. In this post, we’ll look at the first of three consideration that shed light on the issue.

3 Helpful Considerations About Sorrow in Heaven

The first consideration pertains just to parents of adult unsaved children, while the next two in Part 3 address knowing any unsaved loved one is in hell.

1) Blood Relationships with Saved & Unsaved Children Will Change

That the question asked about a parents’ sadness over adult unsaved children is due, perhaps, to the fact that most people view parental love as the one that mourns loss most.  On earth, there are some complicating factors that make loss of children especially difficult. Some of these complicating factors will be replaced or disappear in the afterlife, and that may lessen sadness so that it becomes more like the loss of other loved ones.

a) The Instinctual Part of the Parent-Child Bond May Cease

When I was 11, I excitedly told schoolmates on the bus that our family dog, a German shorthaired pointer named Gayleene, had puppies. Two children wanted to see the puppies, so I brought them home. I opened the front door to the smell of damp fur and milk. I beckoned them to follow. But as I rounded the corner from the short hallway into the living room, I heard a roar and froze. Gayleene half rose, the four speckled puppies attached to the front of her chest dropping loose with a sucking sound while others further back kept feeding. Her roar—a mix of a howl and deep growl—emanated from her dappled chest, pulsed through her tautly stretched neck, and reverberated out her whiskered mouth opened in an “O” just below quivering nostrils. Her chocolate ears pressed back and her brown eyes bulged wild and wide.

I put out my hand to stop the others. “This isn’t a good idea,” I whispered, and they nodded, turned, and left. I shut the door and peeked back around the corner. Gayleene had lain back down and was busy nuzzling her little ones back into place so they could feed. I gingerly approached and sat in a chair not far from her while I pondered the sudden change in her personality. She ignored me, apparently not considering me a danger.

That day I learned that female animals have a strong instinct to protect their young. Later, I learned that both male and female humans generally have such an instinct, too. The Bible calls this instinct God-given and observes that ostriches have less of it (Job 39:14-17) while she-bears are ferociously endowed (Proverb 17:12).

The Mama-bear Instinct May Cease

Sorrow in heaven over unsaved children

Detail of Book of Life in “Last Judgement” by Michelangelo (Web Gallery of Art: Public Domain, Wikimedia)

Instincts are behaviors that are innate rather than learned. In fact, the Bible likens people who act on passions alone to animals who act on instinct rather than reason (2 Peter 2:12; Jude 1:10). Thus instincts seem to be part of our physical makeup—our “flesh and blood”—rather than our minds. Since “flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Corinthians 15:50), I suspect that purely physical instincts that have no use in the next life will disappear with our earthly bodies.

This may include whatever is purely instinctual about the parent-child bond; for example, the mamma-bear instinct that causes parents to rush to defend their children. In humans, this protecting instinct ensures a family’s survival on earth, but such a drive is unneeded in the coming kingdom where there is no more death. If that instinct to protect our own disappears, then it would no longer drive emotions to greater heights.

b) Corruptions of Parental Love Will Cease

Although the instinctual parts of the parent-child relationship may desist, love will not, for “Love never ends” (1 Corinthians 13:8).  On the other hand, certain corruptions of parental love that increase grief on earth will cease. Fire will reveal and burn these away (1 Corinthians 3:12-15):

  • The pursuit of immortality through offspring that causes the loss of an only child to also be the loss of preserving one’s memory
  • The pursuit of self-worth through being needed that results in loss of purpose when children leave or die
  • The idolizing of children that may result in abandoning God if family expectations aren’t met (Matthew 10:38)

c) A Sibling Relationship Will Replace the Parent-Child Relationship

Jesus considered blood ties to have less significance than spiritual ties (Matthew 10:37; 12:49-50). This particularly makes sense when we consider that in the kingdom of heaven our family relationships actually change, especially the parent-child relationship, because God adopts those who are born again (Romans 8:23). When someone adopts a child, her parental ties to the birth parent end.

In the kingdom of heaven, everyone will be a child of God the Father, and the earthly parent-child relationship will become a heavenly sibling relationship.

Sorrow in Heaven over Unsaved Children? Part 2: 3 Ways Blood Relationships Change Share on X

In This Series “Will there be Sorrow in Heaven over Una)a)saved Children?”:

A reader asks about sorrow in heaven over unsaved children:

If we who are in Heaven have memory of our life back on earth, how can there be no mourning from parents who may not see their children in Heaven? But if our children are not with us in Heaven that would be a painful reminder that seems to interfere with Revelation 21:4.
Steve

The Problem of Sorrow in Heaven

This is a great question, Steve. I assume your question is about adult children since most theologians think young children are saved, as Dr. Clay Jones argues in Why Does God Allow Evil?: “Although Christians differ about whether all children will be saved, many of them, including apologists such as Norman Geisler, William Lane Craig, and Greg Koukl, have argued that all who die before the age of accountability (see Deuteronomy 1:39) will be saved” (2017: 90).

Revelation 21:4 says, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” How can there be no more mourning or crying if Christian parents in heaven remember beloved unsaved adult children?

God’s Heart on Sorrow in Heaven

Let me begin with a story. One evening our foster daughters’ rebellion discouraged my husband and me greatly. We’d poured our lives into them, we’d done everything we knew to help them, we’d sacrificed for them, but they weren’t leaving destructive ways. So my husband went walking on the hill next to our house among the frames of partially constructed homes so he could pray. With tears in his eyes, he asked, “Lord, what if these girls never come to know you?” Immediately, the words came to mind: “Then you will know the fellowship of my suffering” (Philippians 3:10). At that, we understood better what it is like for God to love those who reject him. That helped immensely.

When we talk about sorrow in heaven over lost loved ones, it’s important to remember God’s heart. He desires all to be saved (Ezekiel 18:23; 1 Timothy 2:4; 2 Peter 3:9). Jesus grieved over the lost (Matthew 23:37; Luke 19:41). He told us, “there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents” (Luke 15:10). The Bible describes Jesus as “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief,” which assures us that “as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too” (Isaiah 53:3; 2 Corinthians 1:5). He shares our sorrow over lost loved ones.

3 Common But Unworkable Approaches to Sorrow in Heaven

Sorrow in Heaven depicted in Last Judgement

“Last Judgment” by Michelangelo (Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons)

Here are three common approaches to this problem.

Sorrow in Heaven Approach 1: Universalism

Some argue like this: Perfect joy in heaven cannot exist if loved ones reside in hell; the Bible says there will be perfect joy in heaven; therefore, everyone must go to heaven. But universalism contradicts Jesus’ teaching about eternal punishment (Matthew 25:46) and about salvation coming only through him (John 14:6; Acts 4:12).

Sorrow in Heaven Approach 2: Memory Loss

This argument also contends that we cannot have perfect joy in heaven if loved ones are in hell, but resolves the problem by saying we won’t remember our earthly lives or even that we had children. But what would it mean for Jacob to be “gathered to his people” if he doesn’t know who “his people” are (Genesis 49:33)? Also, how can the deeds of the saved follow them (Revelation 14:13) if they don’t remember those deeds? To remember Corrie ten Boom’s faithfulness in the face of the Holocaust requires remembering the evil of the Holocaust, too.

Sorrow in Heaven Approach 3: Beatific Vision

The saved shall see God face-to-face and know him fully (1 Corinthians 13:4). We call this seeing and knowing the “beatific vision.” Particularly during the middle ages, many believed that in heaven the saved gaze and contemplate on God eternally. They’re so filled with joy that they’re unconcerned with anything else, including the lost. But Revelation 6:9-10 says “the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God” cried out, “how long before you judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on earth?” Also, in Jesus’ parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31), the rich man is in Hades, yet Abraham knows his history and talked to him over a chasm.

There you have three common approaches that don’t work. In Part 2 and Part 3, I’ll cover three considerations about sorrow in heaven that do work. Part 2 addresses just the issue of parents knowing adult children are in hell. Part 3 addresses any unsaved loved ones.

Sorrow in Heaven over Unsaved Children? Part 1: 3 Common Approaches that Don't Work Share on X

In This Series on “Will there be Sorrow in Heaven over Unsaved Children?”:
What’s the ultimate reason behind unforgiveness? Part 5 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Forgiving without excusing is hard, so hard it sometimes seems unforgiveness won’t ever let go.

When I stopped excusing my mother’s actions as based on ignorance and inability to help herself, I had to learn something new: forgiving without excusing. I made good progress when I prayed in ways that bolstered faith in God’s promises and good care. The anger eased significantly. But it still sometimes flared unexpectedly.

Unforgiveness & a Cry for Help

Then one day it erupted in a way that scared me. I was driving my pale blue Toyota Corolla to work as the sun was just rising, when I spied a girl in a steel blue school uniform skipping gaily, two perfect dark braids bouncing on her carefully pressed short-sleeved shirt.

Her mother loves her, I thought. And then, I hate her!

In that moment I feared what I would become if I didn’t forgive my mother: filled with hatred and jealousy towards those who had what I wanted, even if they hadn’t wronged me. My stomach churned as I realized I had it in me to be like her. In my pride, I hadn’t thought that possible. Though I might never hurt a child as she did, if I harbored hatred I would be like her.

Suddenly, I wondered when she first chose not to forgive. Had she stood at the same crossroads, but made the easier choice and let bitterness seep in, not knowing it would spread and finally rule?

I clenched the steering wheel in desperation. “God, I don’t want to become like my mother. Help me forgive!”

Unforgiveness & a Cry for Justice

Unforgiveness finds Justice in the Crucifixion

The Crucifixion (Rembrandt [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

I considered how Jesus compared forgiving sin to forgiving a debt, and thought perhaps if I prayed aloud to release her from her debt—for God not to punish her for her sins—that might equal forgiveness even if my emotions dallied.

“God, I want you not to punish—” Do I? “No! That’s not what I want! I want Justice!”

And then I understood. More quietly I finished, “But I also want to be forgiven.” I paused as I remembered my ugliest sins.

I turned onto the freeway. Ahead, the morning sun had risen above the horizon. “God, I know my many sins against you far outweigh hers against me. So I pray that you draw my mother to know you, and if she receives Jesus as her Savior, then Justice will be done by his shed blood. And if she rejects Jesus, then Justice will be done when her sins are held against her. I forgive her as I want to be forgiven, and leave her in your hands.”

At that moment I knew it wasn’t mine to determine whether my mother received eternal forgiveness. That was between her and God. It wasn’t even mine to know to what degree my mother’s actions were intentional: Only God sees the heart.

In my heart, mercy had triumphed over judgment.

Peace washed up and through me. Yes, Justice would be done. I was humbled by the glimpse of the depths to which I could fall without God’s grace. And I was no longer angry. I truly wanted God to give my mother the same grace I wanted him to give me.

Unforgiveness Stripped Away

That was many years ago. Neither the jealousy nor the rage returned. As new affronts came—whether from her or others—the lessons learned through forgiving my mother helped me continue to forgive without excusing.

How Excusing Sin Leads to Unforgiveness

In time I understood how excusing sin actually produced the pride that prevented forgiving. I had initially excused my mother’s wrongs by telling myself she didn’t know better; after all, no sane person would purposefully and knowingly harm children. Thus, my siblings and I were safe from repeating her actions because we knew better. We were better than she because we had superior knowledge.

When my false belief that she didn’t know better collapsed, its sister belief changed slightly: “My siblings and I and most people I know would never purposefully and knowingly harm children.” Now, we were better than she innately.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn & why unforgiveness is unwarranted

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (by Verhoeff, Bert / Anefo [CC BY-SA 3.0 nl (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/nl/deed.en)], via Wikimedia Commons)

And that was the pride blocking forgiveness: this subconscious sense that I was somehow better than she and therefore more deserving of mercy. When I wasn’t.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, who suffered eight years in a Soviet gulag, asked this about those who committed genocide:

Where did this wolf-tribe appear from among our people? Does it really stem from our own roots? Our own blood?

It is our own.

And just so we don’t go around flaunting too proudly the white mantle of the just, let everyone ask himself: “If my life had turned out differently, might I myself not have become just such an executioner?”

It is a dreadful question if one answers it honestly.[i]

If I answer honestly, then I know that if my life had turned out differently (especially if I hadn’t come to Christ), I could have murdered or abused or terrorized or done any number of things I’ve escaped. I could have been like my mother. Because I’m not innately better. And therefore not more deserving of mercy.

We can Choose to Forgive

We can choose to forgive because forgiving is about more than one relationship with an offender: It’s about future relationships; about healing us; and about participating in divine Justice and Mercy.

The ultimate reason behind unforgiveness Share on X

How excusing sin leads to unforgiveness Share on X

[i] Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago, 73.

Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness
How do we take hold of faith to forgive when forgiving is tough? Part 4 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Some sins are relatively easy to forgive: unintentional sins and minor wrongs, for instance. Other sins are much harder. Here are four that require faith to forgive.

It takes Faith to Forgive Sins that Cause Great Loss

When we lose possessions, relationships, health, or dreams because of someone’s sin, we’ll need faith to forgive: faith that we cannot lose anything of eternal value. Our heavenly treasures can be neither stolen nor destroyed (Matthew 6:19-21).

Martyrs had faith to forgive

Many early Christians lost everything (Konstantin Flavitsky, 1862, public domain)

I once lost a position after someone lied about me; I also lost relationships. I had to in faith believe that our losses and hurts here will not harm us in ways God cannot redeem. After all, God does work all things together for our good (Romans 8:28). Indeed, when we suffer loss and hardship with faith, we gain an eternal reward (1 Peter 1:6-72 Corinthians 4:17).

Our earthly losses are losses of temporal things only. We must let them go, for holding onto grudges over things lost makes those things idols raised above obeying God. Because of their faith, the first Christians “joyfully accepted” the plundering of their property because they knew that they “had a better possession and an abiding one” in the life to come (Hebrews 10:34).

It takes Faith to Forgive Malicious Slander

False and malicious slander is a fiery dart in the hand of the jealous, the power hungry, the fame seeker, the revenge taker, and the self-justifier. When aimed at us, we need faith to forgive: faith that believes only God’s opinion matters. Like Paul, we must consider others’ judgments “a very small thing” (1 Corinthians 4:1-5).

False witnesses accuse Jesus before the ruling council (José Madrazo, 1803, public domain)

A leader who believed the lies I mentioned above expressed harsh words about me. I memorized and quoted 1 Corinthians 4:1-5 regularly. I imagined myself holding up a giant shield of faith between me and the fiery darts of his judgments. The shield extinguished the darts, blocked them from piercing me, and moved my eyes from them onto our Redeemer.

Jesus warned that we would be unfairly maligned: “If the head of the house has been called Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household! So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known” (Matthew 10:25-26). We don’t need to harbor unforgiveness because God can and will reveal the truth. His timing is perfect, even if the truth isn’t revealed till the Judgment.

It takes Faith to Forgive Wrongs Committed Over and Over and OVER

When family members or friends apologize, but keep doing the same things, they appear insincere. After all, repentance means trying to change. It takes faith to forgive repeatedly. In fact, when Jesus told the apostles they must forgive others over and over, they responded, “Increase our faith!” (Luke 17:3-5).

Jesus had faith to forgive Peter denying him 3 times

Peter denied Jesus 3 times (Carl Heinrich Bloch, 1873, public domain)

I doubt there’s anyone who hasn’t faced repeated wrongs. When my husband and I were dating, we agreed to never bring up a past wrong once we’ve said, “I forgive you.” To respond to an apology with, “But this is the fifth time,” is not loving, for love “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Besides, bringing up past offenses separates even close friends, while putting forgiven faults behind us seeks love (Proverbs 17:9).

To forgive, I have to let go of that part of me which protests, “If she really cared, she wouldn’t keep doing this,” because how much someone loves me isn’t the point. That’s between her and God. My relationships aren’t about other people being what I want them to be: They’re about me being what God wants me to be.

Moreover, haven’t we all come to God confessing the same thing over and over again? We must grant the mercy we wish to receive. Only God knows the heart—which is why my part is to forgive and leave ultimate justice to God.

It takes Faith to Forgive Betrayal

Who hasn’t been betrayed by someone trusted? When we’re betrayed, it takes faith to forgive: faith that believes God rewards repaying hatred with love. Jesus calls us to love our enemies, do good to them, bless them, and pray for them, for God will greatly reward us (Luke 6:27-35).

Joseph had faith to forgive his brothers' betrayal

Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery (Konstantin Flavitsky, 1855, public domain)

When betrayed, we must remember no one can circumvent God’s good plans for us (Romans 8:28-31). After I learned that my mother knew her sins against me and my siblings were wrong, I prayed for insight into why the anger held on even though I’d tried to forgive her.

My Right?

It struck me that part of the reason is that I had considered parental love and goodness a right. God commands them, to be sure. But God had adopted me and I had a new, perfect Parent who was giving me all I needed: “Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close” (Psalm 27:10).

Beyond God’s Redemption?

I pondered further. Had I lost anything that God couldn’t work for good? No, Joseph’s story showed that (Genesis 50:20), and I’d already seen some good come from it in that others with similar backgrounds were more open to talk to me about Christ. Had I lost anything of eternal worth? No, heavenly treasures can’t be destroyed or stolen (Matthew 6:19-20). Everything that’s of this earth alone will pass away, so if I haven’t lost anything of eternal worth, then in the long run I haven’t actually lost anything.

A Prayer of Faith

In faith I chose to believe that God could use my mother’s betrayal for good, not just for me, but also for others (2 Corinthians 1:4). I prayed, “God, I trust you to work my mother’s wrongs for good for me, my siblings, and others. Keep the three of us from repeating her sins. Thank you for opening my eyes to know you. Thank you for the ways I’ve already seen you work good from my past.”

The anger finally began to subside.

Yet for this betrayal, I needed one more step. That’s the topic of my next post.

4 sins that take faith to forgive Share on X

How do we take hold of faith to forgive when forgiving is tough? Share on X

It takes faith to forgive betrayal Share on X

Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness

To forgive, combine confessing and forgiving as Jesus taught. Part 3 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Jesus said something astonishing in the Lord’s Prayer about confessing and forgiving. He said we should pray,

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Matthew 6:12

In so doing, he linked confessing and forgiving. He followed up with this:

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14–15

New Testament scholar D. A. Carson says, “There is no forgiveness for the one who does not forgive. How could it be otherwise? His unforgiving spirit bears strong witness to the fact that he has never repented” (Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount and His Confrontation with the World, 75).

Confessing and forgiving in "Return of the Prodigal Son"

A wayward son finds forgiveness and his father’s embrace in “Return of the Prodigal Son” by Rembrandt Harmensz van Rijn (circa 1668)

Confessing and forgiving are strongly connected. True repentance is the necessary path to true forgiveness, for those who haven’t honestly and deeply repented of their own sins lack the capacity to forgive others.

Previously

In my last two posts, I discussed what forgiving isn’t and said that the first step towards forgiving is committing to forgive. I began the story of how I realized that I had been excusing my mother’s sin by saying, “I forgive her because she doesn’t know better.” When the fact that she had known better bowled over my excuses, I felt betrayed. Rage overcame me. Instead of excusing sin, I needed to do the much harder job of forgiving sin.

Confessing and Forgiving Come Before Confronting

When we’ve committed to forgive, the next step is not confronting those who’ve sinned against us in the hope they’ll apologize and make forgiving easier. Tim Keller explains why: “Only if you first seek inner forgiveness will your confrontation be temperate, wise, and gracious. Only when you have lost the need to see the other person hurt will you have any chance of actually bringing about change, reconciliation, and healing” (The Reason for God, 197). Yes, Jesus said to talk to Christians who’ve sinned against us (Matthew 18), but we must forgive first.

The next step is to pray to forgive in the way Jesus taught: “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). The prayer’s order is essential: confessing and forgiving.

Confessing and Forgiving: “Forgive Us our Debts”

When I need to forgive someone, I begin by confessing my own sins. This reminds me of the grace I need and thus prepares my heart to offer grace. Without regular confession, pride slithers in, and pride doesn’t forgive.

1) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal Recent Sins

I ask the Holy Spirit to reveal my sins, and then I allow my mind to skim over the events of the last day or so. If anything causes a twitch in my conscience, then I stop and ask the Holy Spirit to show me if I’ve done wrong. I ask him to remind me of verses that might apply.

If I’ve sinned, then I name the sin and confess it to my heavenly Father along with a Scripture that applies: “Father, I took up a reproach against Kathy. But Psalm 15 says those who draw near to you must not take up a reproach against a friend. I confess this was wrong and I ask for your forgiveness.”

It’s important to name the sin so I don’t treat it lightly.

2) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal Similar Sins

Jesus taught confessing and forgiving

The Hundred Guilder Print, by Rembrandt

Next I ask the Holy Spirit to show me if I’ve ever committed the same sin I’m about to forgive. Most often I have. If not, I look for similar sins.

With my mother, some offenses I had surely repeated, but no, I’d never committed some of the worse offenses. I had, however, intentionally hurt others. One example rushed to mind: at twelve I lied to my friend Kathy’s mother to get her in trouble.

Initially, I wanted to excuse this because I was retaliating. She had told our schoolmates that she had seen my mother hitting my head as I tried to get out the door on the way to school. She told them that there must be something terribly wrong about me for my mother to hate me like that. I was furious and wanted to pay her back by proving her mother hated her too. Was that a good excuse? No. God judges us by how we judge others, not how we judge ourselves. I had intentionally tried to hurt someone. I needed grace, and I needed to give it.

Besides, retaliation is itself a sin. Kathy may have hurt me unintentionally when she gossiped (at twelve, she may not have known her words would wound). But I believed it wrong; when I retaliated, I did what I believed was wrong. That’s always sin:

For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.
Romans 2:1

3) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal Associated Sins

I ask the Holy Spirit if I have sinned in any way that is associated with the sin of the person I want to forgive. For instance, if there was a disagreement, did I misspeak in any way? If so, I need to not only confess that to God, but I need to apologize to the person for my part in the difficulty, no matter how small.

In the case of my mother, at the moment I discovered she had known her actions were wrong I hadn’t reacted in any sinful way. But something was nagging me about Kathy. I remembered that when my mother saw Kathy watching her, she ducked behind the kitchen cabinets. I had realized then that she knew her actions were wrong. There was another time, too, when a security guard threatened to call the police if he ever saw her speed around hairpin mountain roads with us in the back of the car again: she turned red and hung her head in shame.

Speaking Truth in the Heart

In my heart, I had known she wronged us intentionally. Why then had I grabbed so quickly to my teacher’s explanation that abusive parents were either ignorant or abused? Besides, it didn’t even make sense biblically. Jealousy drove Cain to kill Abel, not ignorance or wrongful hurts. My teacher was wrong: ignorance and hurt aren’t the only reasons people hurt others; we can, like Cain, choose sin.

I’d lied to myself and to God. Why? Partly because I held the false belief that thinking bad things about people made me a horrible person. But also because I believed good Christians forgive and good Christians aren’t filled with rage. Clinging to the lie pushed the anger underground and let me believe I was a good Christian doing the right thing.

I confessed my lie and the presence of anger and rage I knew shouldn’t be there.

My prayers changed that day: I started examining my emotions as I prayed so I could be utterly honest about what was inside me. Such honest prayer was humbling: it forced me to admit I’d thought too highly of myself.

Confessing and Forgiving: “As We Forgive our Debtors”

When I’ve confessed my sins, I pray, “Forgive me my sins as I forgive those who sin against me.” Then in prayer I move to forgive those who’ve sinned against me.

1) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal the Truth about What I’m Forgiving

Rather than brushing all sin under the carpet of unintentional, I now try to understand whether the evidence supports intentional or unintentional sin. Because “Love … believes all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7), I give the person the benefit of the doubt based on the actual evidence. I refuse to judge hidden motives:

Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts
1 Corinthians 4:5

This helps me forgive what actually happened. Forgiving something that didn’t happen isn’t true forgiving. Scripture calls sin a debt, and we can err on both sides of the debt equation. If someone owes me $1,000 dollars and I accuse her of owing me $10,000, then I will have a difficult time forgiving because doing so demands that I hold to a fantasy of having been wronged more than I have. On the other hand, If someone owes me $1,000 and I offer forgiveness for $100, the hundred is easier to forgive, but it requires I hold to the lie that the other $900 wasn’t taken.

Christ preaching on confessing and forgiving

Christ Preaching (La Petite Tombe), by Rembrandt

Either way, the truth has a way of poking through lies.

Those who wish to dwell with God must speak truth in their hearts (Psalm 15:2). If what we’re forgiving is unintentional sin, then we must forgive it as such. If we’re forgiving intentional, even malicious, sin, as much as it hurts, we must acknowledge it.

2) Name the Person and the Sin

When in prayer I forgive someone, I name the person and the sin:

  • “God, I forgive Kathy for gossiping about me”
  • “I forgive my mother for driving at high speeds around hairpin turns while drunk with us in the backseat”

Naming people individually keeps me from letting this be a flippant exercise rather than part of worship. Naming the sin ensures that what I’m forgiving is an actual sin. If I cannot name the sin according to what it’s called in the Bible, then I confess that I have held something against someone that was not a sin and ask the Holy Spirit to show me why I’ve done so. Naming the actual sin often leads to meditation on why God calls that action sin. It also leads me to the next prayer part.

Confessing and Forgiving: Ask God to Forgive Me as I Forgive

I then ask God to forgive me as I forgive this person: “I forgive my mother as I want you to forgive me; I give her the grace you’ve given me.”

This prayer does not mean forgiving others causes God to forgive me, as if I must pay for forgiveness (a paltry payment indeed, compared to what really bought my forgiveness). Rather, it reminds me of what my Lord wants me to do so I may do it at once.

***

In most cases, confessing and forgiving as I’ve outlined here is all I need do. But if I’ve suffered a great loss, I must pray three more prayers.

Confessing and forgiving are linked because true forgiving requires true repentance Share on X

Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness

The first step towards forgiving is committing to forgive, but to do that, I need to know: must I forgive this offense? Part 2 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

In my last post on What Forgiving Isn’t, I shared six substitutes that masquerade as forgiving, but which merely manage emotions for a time. Forgiving deliberate sins that cause significant hurt and loss can be difficult, but it’s possible with the Holy Spirit’s help.

My first real struggle with forgiving came in my twenties with the sudden revelation that my mother had known her hatred and mistreatment were wrong. For years I had prayed, “I forgive her because she doesn’t know better.” I thought I had forgiven her because this prayer immediately eased the anger and hurt. But the revelation that she knew better crashed into the fence of excuses I’d used to corral my emotions, and now anger, hurt, jealousy, and rage galloped over me like wild horses.

I tried telling God, “I forgive her,” but the tumultuous emotions wouldn’t go away. I wondered if it were possible to forgive and still be angry.

The first step towards forgiving when forgiving is hard is making a commitment to forgive. But before we can make such a commitment, we need to know if we need to forgive.

Must I Forgive If I’ve tried But I’m Still Angry?

I truly thought I’d forgiven. But had I? Was saying “I forgive” enough?

I looked at Scriptures about anger. Ephesians 4:31 said, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Truth be told, I was filled with rage and anger, possibly even bitterness and malice. I tried to get rid of it by emotionally thrusting it away, but it wouldn’t go.

Must I forgive? Ephesians says yes

Ephesians 4:32

I read the next verse: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” It was easy to be compassionate when I thought she didn’t know better, but how was I to be compassionate towards someone who had intentionally wronged my siblings and me? Yet this verse juxtaposed compassion and forgiving with rage and anger. It didn’t look like I could claim I’d forgiven.

Besides, a few verses earlier said, “’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (v. 26). This anger had built up over years.

While it’s true that it takes time for emotions to calm after a loss, the level of anger made me sure I hadn’t yet forgiven from the heart.

A thought occurred to me and I asked God, Must I forgive? I looked at different situations.

Must I Forgive What the Bible Doesn’t Call Sin?

No, the presence of hurt or anger doesn’t necessarily mean someone has sinned against me. If something’s not sinful, I need to overlook it. For example, I might not like it that two of my girlfriends had lunch without me, but they didn’t sin.

We should also pray for the Holy Spirit to show us why we’re offended over something not wrong; it might be that what’s wrong is in us rather than the other person: impatience, pride, poor planning skills. For instance, if I’m bothered that a friend corrected me, I probably should confess pride and pray for the wisdom to take correction graciously: “Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8).

Must I Forgive Unintentional Sin?

Jesus taught that unintentional sins are lesser sins than intentional sins: “And that servant who knew his master’s will but did not get ready or act according to his will, will receive a severe beating. But the one who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, will receive a light beating. Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more” (Luke 12:47-48).

So unintentional sins—sins of ignorance and sins of weakness—are still sins, and yes, we must forgive them, not excuse or ignore them.

Must I Forgive Repeated Sin?

“But he’s done it over and over again! He says he’s sorry, but he’s not changing so how I can I believe him?” Many spouses bring this one up.

Mk11_25They’re in good company. After Jesus taught about restoring a believer who has sinned against you, Peter went to Jesus and asked how often he had to forgive: “Seven times?” Jesus answered, “Seventy-seven!” Then he told the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. The bottom line is that if we’re grateful for the mercy God has shown us, then we must show mercy to others because the debt we owe God far exceeds the debt others owe us (Matthew 18:21–35).

Besides, how many of us haven’t repeated the same sins we’ve confessed many times before? If we want God’s mercy, others must have ours.

Must I Forgive Deliberate Sin?

Yes. Jesus never said to forgive only unintentional sins. He said, For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15).

Must I Forgive Unrepentant Sin?

My mother wasn’t repentant. In fact, she still threw verbal darts. Did I need to forgive her?

I searched my Bible for the answer. Although a couple passages talked about forgiving the repentant, others spoke about forgiving all sin: “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too” (Mark 11:25). It seemed that even if we ended relationship with someone unrepentant, we must still forgive in some sense. I didn’t know in what sense yet.

But I did know I had to get rid of the bitterness and anger, and forgiving seemed the only way.

Out of sheer obedience, I prayed, “Father, I forgive her.” The anger remained, but I knew my willingness pleased God. I committed to finding a way to forgive, trusting that the God who made me willing to change would also make me able (Philippians 2:13).

The first step towards forgiving is committing to forgive Share on X

Must I forgive? Six situations examined. Share on X

Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness
Forgiving isn’t always what we think it is. Part 1 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Forgiving isn’t managing emotions. Most Christians know Jesus taught that we must forgive. But when anger and hurt linger, we sometimes turn to forgiveness substitutes that merely manage our emotions—and not all that well.

Here are five stand-ins that masquerade as forgiveness.

Forgiving Isn’t Pretending

One of my most vivid, recurring nightmares was about me lying in my bed as a man and woman quietly opened the door to my bedroom to see if I were asleep. In the nightmare, I watched them through nearly closed eyes as I pretended to sleep, repeating over and over again in my head, “I’ve got to pretend I didn’t hear or they’ll kill me; I’ve got to pretend I don’t remember or they’ll kill me.”

Our childhood home was violent. Pretending nothing happened was required.

But pretending nothing happened isn’t forgiving because forgiving is always based on truth.

When I started dating Clay, I brought the habit of pretending into our relationship. He’d ask if something were wrong and I’d respond, “No, everything is fine.” I thought telling myself everything was fine and making myself believe everything was fine was the same as being fine. Clay never let it pass and always probed. I’d be surprised at the anger that would come out when I tried to talk about things: obviously, everything wasn’t fine.

God wants us to speak truth in our heart (Psalm 15:2, 51:6). Pretending nothing is wrong is not only a lie, it’s a form of holding a grudge. Pretending’s purpose is to make others think you’ve forgotten or forgiven when you haven’t.

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Forgiving Isn’t Forgetting

As with many authors, movies often play in my head. Years ago I was with a group of ministry leaders when a woman spoke up about her struggles with forgiving an abusive mother. She said, “Maybe I just need to forget.”

Immediately in my mind’s eye I saw a raincoat-clad girl begin to climb down from a boat’s deck as the boat swayed gently in a calm sea. She reached the lower deck and entered a tidy, brightly colored room with yellow walls and a painting of a red boat on a calm, blue sea. On the back wall a dark brown curtain covered a closet. The girl went to retrieve something near the closet.

Suddenly the tip of what looked like an octopus tentacle reached out from beneath the curtain and grabbed her ankle. The girl struggled, but quickly broke loose, overturning a chair as she escaped. However, the tentacle—surely a sea monster’s arm—thrashed around, toppling more furniture and knocking the painting askew before retreating behind the curtain.

Forgiving isn't easy

Jesus said we must forgive

That, I thought, is exactly what happens when you try to forget. Life seems calm and tidy, until something happens that brings you too close to the sea monster memory you’re avoiding. That memory disrupts everything.

Shoving Out of Mind Doesn’t Work

I was skilled at shoving things out of my mind. Perhaps it was because our father claimed he could read our minds and would punish us if he found we were thinking anything bad about him. I believed him. At a hair’s-breadth notice, my mind would blank out every negative experience.

In my twenties, another occurrence of my father’s rage triggered an onslaught of memories and all those shoved-down emotions came roaring back with more intensity than I thought possible.

Doesn’t God Forget Sins?

Sometimes I hear someone say that God forgets when he forgives and so should we. God doesn’t give up his omniscience such that every time a pastor preaches on David and Bathsheba, he declares, “What? I didn’t know David sinned!” In the Bible, when God says he’ll “remember” someone’s sins against him, he means he’ll punish them, and when he says he’ll “forget,” he means he will no longer punish. God knows the depth of what he forgives.

Shoving things out of your mind and trying to forget is merely an ineffective way to manage emotions: ineffective because life will trigger memories along with the accompanying emotions now multiplied.

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Forgiving Isn’t Taking the Blame

Victimizers blame their victims. Unless they repent and turn to Christ for forgiveness, how else can they live with their conscience?

I’ve accepted blame I shouldn’t have; I’ve jumped in with a “That’s my fault” plenty of times when it wasn’t true. Sometimes it was because I mistakenly thought something good or neutral to be bad. But other times I was simply hoping to be liked or looking for the easiest way out of conflict.

Jesus paid the price for our sins; he didn’t say he caused them. We can forgive without taking blame that isn’t ours. Knowingly accepting blame we don’t own is deception, not forgiveness. It’s a sign of being a people-pleaser rather than a God-pleaser.

Forgiving Isn’t Taking Revenge

On the other side, I’ve also given blame I should have owned, justifying cutting words because the other person was “more” wrong or was the first to do wrong. This makes forgiving harder because it requires the other person to take more blame than he or she is due, and most people refuse. Besides, God won’t let anyone truly walking with him get away with such nonsense for long.

It may feel like getting back at someone will make you feel better so you can “forgive,” but it won’t. Revenge escalates matters. Revenge—whether responding tit-for-tat, unleashing anger, or back-biting—exacts payment in place of forgiving. It’s also sin (Rom. 12:19, Col. 3:8).

Forgiving Isn’t Excusing

In my pre-teens and teens, I struggled with anger, particularly towards my mother. I longed to know why she hated me. My mom said it was because I’d ruined her life; my dad said it was because he wanted to hurt her so he told her I was smarter than she. Both answers hurt and I wanted something else: an answer that made neither my mom nor me bad people.

At about fifteen, I read the New Testament. I became a Christian in the middle of the Gospel of John. I read what Jesus said about forgiving, so I prayed, “I forgive,” over every hurt that happened.

At sixteen, I took a psychology class. The nice, graying teacher soothingly said that abusive parents were either abused themselves or just didn’t know better. I finally had an answer. I knew my grandparents weren’t abusive (my aunts have since confirmed that), so I hung on to ignorance: it’s easy to forgive someone who doesn’t know better. The anger washed away.

Until nearly a decade later when I sat in her dark living room with my sister and three-year-old nephew. He started whining that he wanted to go home. Both my sister and I jumped to hush him before my mother yelled or hit him.

She stopped us and said, “This house has a rule: No one is to say an unkind word to him.” I jerked back, stunned. She knew better! Jealousy consumed me and I said I had to leave. For years I had corralled all the anger and hurt behind the fence of “She doesn’t know better,” and now that fence had fallen and the emotions galloped out like horses finally freed.

Unintentional sin is much easier to forgive than intentional sin. But telling ourselves that deliberate sin is involuntary just because it makes it easier to forgive isn’t honest. When it comes to intentional wrongs, we must do the much harder job of forgiving without excusing.

What Forgiving Is

So forgiving isn’t pretending, forgetting, taking wrongful blame, taking revenge, or excusing. So what is it then? That topic begins in my next post.

A brief note is due: My father has changed and no longer has bouts of rage. My mother was prone to depression and was an alcoholic. I believe that before she died, she had deep regrets over many things.

Forgiving isn't excusing Share on X

When it comes to intentional wrongs, we must do the hard job of forgiving w/o excusing Share on X

Are you forgiving or merely managing emotions? Share on X

Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness

Does God expect us to deny our conscience by accepting the story of Abraham’s near-sacrifice of Isaac?

This is my fifth and final post addressing Rachel Held Evans’s October 2014 blog post, “I would fail Abraham’s test (and I bet you would too).” Her main argument (as I understand it) is this:

The conscience “God … imprinted us all with” tells her “that I would sooner turn my back on everything I know to be true than sacrifice my child on the altar of religion” as Abraham (in her opinion) almost did; therefore, either God’s “real test is in whether you refuse,” or “stories” such as these are not “historical realities,” or the “deity you were taught to worship does evil things” so “question the deity’s very existence.”

This is clearly a faulty dilemma because there are at least two more alternatives: we’re missing facts about the story which clear up the dilemma, and/or our conscience misinforms us. My last three posts explained missing facts that should clarify the passage and resolve conscience issues.

The Sacrifice of Abraham and conscience

“Abraham’s Sacrifice” by Rembrandt, 1655

But what if our conscience still bothers us about this story? This appears to be an important question to Rachel Held Evans—she uses the word “conscience” eleven times in this blog. Here’s an example:

But why would the very God I believe imprinted us all with a conscience—with a deep sense of right and wrong—ask me to deny that conscience by accepting [God’s command in another Bible story] as just? … And how could I ever bring myself to worship a God who, if these accounts are true, ordained and derived glory from actions I believe are evil?

I agree with Evans that God gives people a conscience. But accepting these Bible passages as historically true does not require one to “deny that conscience.” We’ll look in a moment at how Jesus addressed people whose consciences disagreed with his words. But first we must understand why people’s consciences differ.

Why do people’s consciences differ?

Our political system shows a nation deeply divided on issues such as abortion, gay marriage, and gun laws with people on both sides claiming the moral high ground. How can this be if all our consciences come from God?

Let’s look at two facts about conscience.

Moral convictions are learned

Talbot Seminary theology professor Klaus Issler calls the conscience “moral sensitivity and moral reasoning.” He says:

The particular convictions within our conscience … are not set and fully formed at birth. “The biblical notion of conscience does not imply that we are given an innate moral code common to all human beings, as popular usage sometimes suggests. It is rather a conscious sensitivity … that needs to be informed, sharpened, and directed.” Like a personal computer, our conscience must be programmed with appropriate input for it to be useful. Since our convictions are learned throughout life … we will acquire both good and sinful values. Thus, the urgency arises for growing believers to regularly evaluate and educate their conscience toward righteousness.[ref]Klaus Issler, “Conscience: Moral Sensitivity and Moral Reasoning,” in Christian Perspectives on Being Human: A Multidisciplinary Approach to Integration, ed. J. P. Moreland and David J. Ciocchi (Eugene: Wipf and Stock, 1993), 268. Issler quotes Arthur F.Holmes, Shaping Character: Moral Education in the Christian College (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1990), 27. [/ref]

For example, the Apostle Paul testified, “I have lived my life before God in all good conscience up to this day” (Acts 23:1). Yet for a time his conscience told him it was right to kill Christians (Acts 22:3-4). Once the risen Lord appeared to him, he became one of the Christians he formerly thought deserved death. New information informed his conscience and he realized what he formerly judged right (killing Christians) was actually wrong.

Conscience of Martha and Mary differed

Martha’s and Mary’s consciences differed. St. Nicholas Church, Orebro, Sweden. Public domain photo by David Castor.

While God gave us our conscience, he did not fully form it. Instead, it’s shaped by influences such as parents, teachers, culture, religious texts, persuasion, reason, fear, and desires—including the desire for praise from others. Because it’s subject to such influences, people differ in what they think is right or wrong and their moral convictions can change, as Paul’s did.

Conscience is not fully reliable

If there are absolute moral truths (and I agree with Evans that there are), then because conscience is shaped by outside forces and because it can change, it is a guide, but it’s not fully reliable. Indeed, the Scripture warns that “The heart is deceitful above all things” (Jeremiah 17:9), and experience shows us humans are adept at justifying in themselves actions they normally condemn in others.

The Apostle Paul recognized that conscience can mislead: “My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me” (1 Corinthians 4:4). Therefore, while we must keep our conscience clear, we must also properly inform it.

How did Jesus address faulty consciences?

God asks us to keep a clear conscience, but he also asks us to change mistaken beliefs that affect our conscience.

  • Jesus corrected those who said wrong things were right. Jesus told the scribes that seeking places of honor and praying long public prayers for a pretense—things they thought right and honorable—were wrong and would bring them condemnation (Mark 12:38-40).
  • Jesus corrected those who said right things were wrong. When the Pharisees told Jesus that healing on the Sabbath was wrong based on their traditions, Jesus explained why their rules contradicted God’s commands and, when they persisted, pointed out that the reason they rejected his arguments was they were people-pleasers rather than God pleasers (Matthew 12:10-13; John 5:15-17, 44).
  • Jesus condemned hypocrisy. Jesus said those who condemn others for behaviors they excuse in themselves would be judged by the standards by which they judged others (Matthew 7:2).

What does conscience tell us about human sacrifice?

Rachel Held Evans appears to believe that “everyone person with a conscience” would agree all human sacrifice wrong. But that’s not so.

People’s consciences differ regarding human sacrifices

As I explained in Part 2, people in Abraham’s culture considered human sacrifice to be morally good because they believed that unconcerned deities were behind the forces of nature and that they could manipulate these deities through human sacrifices in times of need (such as famine).

Today, however, people in our Western culture typically believe most human sacrifices are wrong because (a) our laws have a Judeo-Christian heritage that forbids people sacrificing humans (Leviticus 18:21); and (b) we do not believe idols who grant blessings for human sacrifices exist.

Note that a belief against sacrificing children to attain blessing is not universal, however, even in our culture. Ethicist Peter Singer argues that parents should be allowed to kill infants up to thirty days old if it will increase the family’s happiness to do so.[ref]Scott Klusendorf, “Peter Singer’s Bold Defense of Infanticide,” Christian Research Journal (Charlotte: Christian Research Institute, April 16, 2009), accessed January 5, 2015, http://www.equip.org/article/peter-singers-bold-defense-of-infanticide/. [/ref] Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood, said, “The most merciful thing that the large family does to one of its infant members is to kill it.” [ref]Margaret Sanger, Woman and the New Race (New York: Truth Publishing, 1920), page 63, accessed January 5, 2016, http://books.google.com/books?id=a-skAAAAYAAJ&dq=The%20most%20merciful%20thing%20that%20a%20large%20family%20does%20to%20one%20of%20its%20infant%20members%20is%20to%20kill%20it.&client=firefox-a&pg=PA63#v=onepage&q=&f=false. [/ref] And many see no problem with partial birth abortion, which is the killing of an infant whose living body has been birthed feet-first to the neck.

Human sacrifice is not always wrong

Was it wrong for the Allied generals to send troops to the Normandy beaches on D-day knowing there would be great human sacrifice in order to accomplish the defeat of Hitler and the saving of other human lives?

Was it wrong to scramble F-16 fighter jets to down “an airliner full of kids and salesmen and girlfriends” on September 11, 2001, in order to accomplish the saving of human lives on the ground?[ref]Steve Hendrix, ”F-16 pilot was ready to give her life on Sept. 11,” The Washington Post (DC: Washington Post, September 8, 2011), accessed January 5, 2016, https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/f-16-pilot-was-ready-to-give-her-life-on-sept-11/2015/09/06/7c8cddbc-d8ce-11e0-9dca-a4d231dfde50_story.html. [/ref]

Conscience and human sacrifice

The ultimate human sacrifice. “The Three Crosses,” by Rembrandt, 1653

Was it wrong for the Father to send his Son Jesus to earth knowing he would be sacrificed in order to accomplish the defeat of sin and death and the saving of human souls?

Definitely not.

Then was it wrong for God to ask the prophets Abraham and Isaac to be portents of that event by acting it out at a time in history in which such deeds were not considered wrong?

No. God was showing what love looks like: It looks like sacrifice.

Does God expect us to deny our conscience?

Rachel Held Evans asked, “Why would … God … ask me to deny … conscience by accepting” God’s commands in certain Bible stories “as just?”

God doesn’t ask anyone to deny conscience; rather, he asks us to change the mistaken beliefs that misinform our conscience.

Rachel Held Evans says, “I would sooner turn my back on everything I know to be true than sacrifice my child on the altar of religion.” God isn’t asking her to sacrifice her child: he made it clear when he stopped Abraham and when he gave the Law of Moses that he does not want humans sacrificing humans on altars.

And she doesn’t need to “turn my back on everything I know to be true”; she can accept the New Testament’s testimony of the historicity of this story by simply turning from the belief that because she “would have failed Abraham’s test,” nothing could justify Abraham’s test. Her situation—and ours—has little in common with Abraham’s. His was

At the same time, Abraham’s test has one important thing to do with us: it demonstrates what the Father did when he sent his Son as a sacrifice to save us. Hallelujah.

Does God expect us to deny conscience by accepting hard Bible stories? Share on X

Her conscience says Abraham's wrong? Answering Rachel Held Evans Share on X


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If God’s defining characteristic is supposed to be love, why would he ask Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac? Do God’s motives matter?

In Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth Bennet spurns Mr. Darcy’s marriage proposal despite his vast wealth and enviable social standing. Why? Because, she declares, Darcy had ruined the romantic prospects of her sister and the financial prospects of Mr. Wickham, and these actions are proof of “your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others.”

Mr. Darcy's motives and God's motives matter

Darcy and Elizabeth at Charlotte’s house. Illustration by Hugh Thomson, 1894. (Austen, Jane. “Pride and Prejudice.” London: George Allen, 1894.)

The next day, however, she learns Darcy’s motives. He had discouraged his friend from courting her sister mostly because she seemed indifferent towards the young man—and an embarrassed Elizabeth recalls she had been warned her sister was too guarded! More mortifying was the news that Wickham had rejected the clergyman livelihood he claimed Darcy had denied him, requesting and receiving money instead, and when he had gambled that away, had tried to elope with Darcy’s fifteen-year-old sister to snag her inheritance. Only then do past discrepancies in Wickham’s actions come clear to her. “‘How despicably have I acted!’ she cried; ‘I, who have prided myself on my discernment! … But vanity … has been my folly. Pleased with the preference of one, and offended by the neglect of the other … I have courted … ignorance, and driven reason away, where either were concerned.’” [ref]Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (New York: Walter J. Black), 179-198. [/ref]

Understanding motives can make all the difference in our judgments of others. When it comes to Abraham’s near-sacrifice of Isaac, we need to look at God’s motives, and this is something Rachel Held Evans seems to have misjudged. She echoes atheists such as Richard Dawkins by likening Abraham’s near-sacrifice of Isaac to abuse:

… it doesn’t make sense to me that a God whose defining characteristic is supposed to be love would present Himself to His creation in a way that looks nothing like our understanding of love. If love can look like abuse … everything is relativized! Our moral compass is rendered totally unreliable.

In this series, so far we’ve looked at two missing facts that clear up the story. Today we’ll look at a third: God’s motives.

God’s motives

In the story, God asks Abraham to take his son Isaac whom he loved to a mountain and offer him as a burnt offering. It was a test, we’re told. God asked tenderly: The word now in “Take now your son” (NASB) is often translated “please” and has the sense of an entreaty. Scholar Paul Copan says, “God’s directive is unusual: ‘Please take your son’ … God is remarkably gentle as he gives a difficult order. This type of divine command (as a plea) is rare.”[ref]Paul Copan, Is God a Moral Monster?: Making Sense of the Old Testament God (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2011), 47. [/ref] But at the moment of no return, the angel of the Lord stops him and shows him a ram to offer instead.

Why did God ask Abraham to do something he didn’t intend for him to follow through on?

The story tells us one of the motives: It was a test that proved Abraham’s devotion (Genesis 22:1, 12): “Now I know that you fear God.” It also showed God did not want humans sacrificing humans. But there are more.

God’s motives: preaching the gospel to Abraham

Galatians 3:8 tells us that in this story of Abraham sacrificing Isaac, the Scripture foresaw “that God would justify the Gentiles [non-Jews] by faith” and “preached the gospel beforehand to Abraham.” In other words,the good news of salvation was to be extended to all peoples, including the Gentiles, who would be declared righteous by God, just like Abraham, on the basis of faith.”[ref]Timothy George, New American Commentary – Volume 30: Galatians, (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman, 1994), WORDsearch CROSS e-book, 224. [/ref]

So how did this story preach the gospel?

By portending the Father sacrificing Jesus

Abraham and Isaac were prophets.[ref]Abraham is called a prophet in Genesis 20:7. Isaac received visions and divine revelations in 26:1-4, 24. Psalm 105:9, 15 calls Abraham and Isaac “anointed ones” and “prophets.”[/ref] Sometimes God asked prophets to be portents by performing actions that foreshadowed and explained future events (Isaiah 8:18: “Behold, I and the children whom the Lord has given me are signs and portents”). The actions were often shocking so that they would be remembered when the future event occurred, and people would recognize its significance and that it came from God.


portent (POUR-tent): a sign or warning that (something, especially something momentous or calamitous) is likely to happen

portend (pour-TEND): be a portent


There’s something important here that we shouldn’t miss: When Abraham began to bind Isaac, Isaac understood he was the sacrifice. He was between 15 and 30 and was stronger and faster than his elderly father, but he allowed Abraham to bind him and lay him down on the stack of wood. At this point, Isaac participated willingly.[ref]Kenneth A. Matthews, New American Commentary – Volume 1b: Genesis 11:27-50:26, (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman, 2005), WORDsearch CROSS e-book, 295. [/ref]

Abraham’s near sacrifice of his willing son Isaac portended the Father sacrificing his willing Son Jesus to atone for human sins.

By showing how God would fulfill his promises to Abraham

After the angel stopped Abraham from completing the sacrifice, God said, “In your offspring shall all the nations of the earth be blessed, because you have obeyed my voice” (Genesis 22:18). According to Galatians 3:16 and 19, this “offspring” is Jesus, and Jesus blessed “all the nations of the earth” by dying to pay the penalty for people’s sins so that those who had faith in him could be declared righteous.

By foretelling Jesus’ substitutionary provision

Just as the Lord God substituted a ram for Isaac, so would the Lord God substitute his Son as a sacrifice for others. Rightly Abraham prophesied, “The Lord will provide” (Genesis 22:8, 14).

God’s motives: providing evidence that Jesus’ crucifixion was in his plan

God preached the gospel to Abraham beforehand so that when Jesus died and rose again, Abraham’s descendants might recognize the parallel and accept his work on the cross as from God. Jesus told the Jews, “For if you believed Moses [that is, the first five books of the Bible], you would believe me; for he wrote of me” (John 5:46). This story is one of the places that the first five books of the Bible talk about Jesus.

But the evidence wasn’t for Jews alone. God also gave this evidence so that non-Jews could see that saving humans through Jesus’ sacrifice was always God’s plan.

God’s motives: showing what his love looks like

Rachel Held Evans said, “The story of Abraham’s binding of Isaac should unsettle every parent and every person with a conscience.” I agree. The story of Abraham and Isaac should unsettle us, just as I’m sure it unsettled Abraham. That’s the point. The Passover Lamb was another sign pointing to Jesus’ sacrifice. But an animal sacrifice didn’t come near to expressing the fullness of what the Father and Son were willing to do to save humankind. Abraham’s sacrifice of Isaac does.

Evans said, “It doesn’t make sense to me that a God whose defining characteristic is supposed to be love would present Himself to His creation in a way that looks nothing like our understanding of love.”

Actually, God was demonstrating exactly what his love for sinful people looks like: The Father sending his willing Son to die for humankind’s sins. But no angel stayed the hand of the Father.

Because that’s what love looks like.

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

Do God's Motives Matter? Answering Rachel Held Evans, Part 4 Share on X

'That's what love looks like!' Answering Rachel Held Evans, Part 4 Share on X

Abraham’s sacrifice of Isaac portended the Father sacrificing Jesus Share on X

Part 5 of this series addresses other questions RHE’s post raises, such as, “Might God repeat the request?”

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