Spiritual practices and spiritual encouragement

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Learning from Betrayal

A young woman recently asked about betrayal:

Learning from betrayalAfter praying and fasting, I clearly felt God’s blessing on a dating relationship. But when we were about to get engaged a year later, he confessed the marriage would be a cover for his active gay lifestyle. How does one get past God letting us think he’s leading us toward something with special blessing, when He’s actually intending something completely different, knowing it’ll cause us pain? I feel God betrayed me. [ref]The question is edited for brevity and anonymity.[/ref]

 

I am so sorry for the pain this man’s betrayal caused. To discover someone we trusted and thought we knew has deceived us is quite a shock, and it’s natural to begin to doubt others’ honesty and intentions when struck like this.

I’m thankful you’re searching for answers. It will take time before you know fully what good God intends to work through this; indeed, you may not know all in this lifetime. In the meantime, immerse yourself in Scriptures. There you’ll see how others handled betrayal, including Jesus, Joseph, David, the patriarchs, and the apostles. You’ll also grow in understanding God and the big picture of what he is doing in this world.

Although there are numerous examples in the Bible of godly people who prayed and yet had life turn out differently than expected, I find Jeremiah the most helpful because of his candor as he worked through his feelings. During a time I dealt with a betrayal, I read Jeremiah repeatedly, finding comfort in knowing my experience was not unique, assurance that betrayal by people does not equal betrayal by God, and hope in God’s power to work great good through suffering.

Here are some of the things God worked in Jeremiah’s life through suffering and betrayal. You may discover God works some of these in your life as well.

God teaches us to discern his voice better

Jeremiah learning from betrayal

“The Prophet Jeremiah” from the Sistine Chapel, by Michelangelo (public domain)

When God first called Jeremiah to be a prophet and gave Jeremiah a message of pending destruction if Judah did not repent, Jeremiah was confused and asked God why he had been deceiving the people by telling them through other prophets that all was going to be well with Judah (Jer. 4:10). God explained the prophets Jeremiah had been listening to had spoken falsely in his name: he had not given them the words of peace and assurance they proclaimed and which merely fit what the people wanted to hear (Jer. 5:12, 31). What Jeremiah had been told were God’s words were not, and God helped him grow in discerning what was from God and what wasn’t.

Even those without the incredible prophetic giftedness of Jeremiah can grow in discerning God’s guidance better. When I was a young Christian, some of the teaching I heard about how to discern God’s will and voice turned out to be wrong, and part of the way I discovered that was through having situations turn out differently than I expected. Since God does not lie, I knew my understanding was mistaken so I sought guidance in Scripture and from God, and I grew, just as Jeremiah did and just as you will.

God teaches us wisdom

One of the ways we become wise and grow in the knowledge of good and evil is by living through the effects of both good and evil. Sometimes when we pray for wisdom, God grants that request by allowing us to go through eye-opening experiences.

As God continued his first message to Jeremiah, Jeremiah cried out in anguish because he did not think his fellow Israelites deserved punishment. God assured him if he could find one honest person in Jerusalem, he would forgive the city (Jer. 5:1). Though Jeremiah searched, he found no one.

Even so, it was years before he understood what God meant by cordial words hiding what is hidden in the heart (Jer. 9:8). Jeremiah did not understand the depths of the depravity around him until his prophetic words tested people’s hearts and he saw their ways with his own eyes (Jer. 6:27, 11:19).

God teaches us discernment about people

Despite God’s warning to Jeremiah not to trust the people around him (Jer. 9:4-6), Jeremiah found it hard not to. When he discovered a plot against his life, his anger burst out not only against his betrayers (Jer. 11:18-20), but against God (Jer. 12:1-4). God exhorted Jeremiah to continue his work, to remember his warnings about whom not to trust, and to trust him for justice (Jer. 12:5-7). Over the 40 years that Jeremiah prophesied, he grew in discerning the wicked (Jehoiakim), the weak (Zedekiah), and the godly (Josiah and Ebed-Melech). He also learned that God was with him even when people betrayed him.

I was betrayed once by a church leader. I had seen warning signs, but wrote them off, naively thinking someone lacking spiritual maturity wouldn’t be in leadership, and that because God loves truth no one would believe the falsehoods going around anyway (I initially thought them correctable mistakes and only later learned they were intentional lies). I learned discernment the hard way. But I also learned God was with me and was teaching me important lessons. God promises to work all things for your good, and you will learn and grow through this too.

God exposes wolves in sheep’s clothing

Early in Jeremiah’s ministry, people didn’t know which prophets to believe, a situation that greatly displeased God. After Jeremiah had prophesied about three decades, the prophet Hananiah came out strongly against him, making it plain that both could not be true prophets (Jer. 28). When Jeremiah pronounced God’s judgment of death on Hananiah for making people trust a lie and Hananiah did die, God exposed the false and true prophets. Godly people knew whom to trust, while the ungodly chalked Jeremiah’s words up to coincidence.

As painful as your situation is, the deception came out before a marriage would make it even more painful. God granted wisdom and exposed a sham. Hopefully this exposure will prevent the man from hurting others.

God strengthens us

When God called Jeremiah to be a prophet, Jeremiah protested that he was a child who didn’t know how to speak. God promised to make him into a bronze wall (Jer. 1:6, 18) that could withstand the attacks of the priests, kings, and people who would fight against him. Apparently, Jeremiah thought this meant he wouldn’t feel the pain of the attacks. When the persecution increased, Jeremiah cried out over his pain and asked if God had deceived him (15:18).

But God had not promised Jeremiah a pain-free ministry. Part of the reason God punishes those who act evilly is that they inflict unjust pain on others. In this instance, God rebuked Jeremiah, called him to repent of his worthless words, and reminded him of his promise to make him a bronze wall that could not be prevailed against (Jer. 15:19-20). Jeremiah had received evidence enough of God’s faithfulness and promises to deserve the rebuke, and he repented.

God did indeed make him into a bronze wall, but not by making him insensitive to pain; rather, he taught him to trust in God’s faithfulness and to endure despite hardship.

God comforts so we can comfort others

Jeremiah suffered insults, mocking, death threats, imprisonments, and beatings. Sorrow at times overwhelmed him (Jer. 5:18). But God cared deeply about Jeremiah’s pain, and he cares about your pain too.

Jeremiah grew spiritually as he saw God’s faithfulness amidst human unfaithfulness, and he came to trust God fully. When his prophecies about the fall of Jerusalem came to pass, he responded not with smugness, but with compassion. He knew by then that the pain of exile was the only way the wayward Hebrews could have hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). He tenderly ministered to the distressed people around him through Lamentations, passing the comfort God gave him on to others (2Co. 1:4).

Through the pain and sorrow, here’s what Jeremiah had learned:

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men. Lamentations 3:32-33

Draw close to the God of all comfort. I’m praying for you.

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We Will Bear Fruit

Oil painting of grapesJesus taught us he is a vine and we are his branches.[ref]John 15:1-8.[/ref] As long as we remain in him, we will bear fruit, for we have a heavenly Father as vinedresser, pruning and caring for us. It may take time for a branch to bear fruit, but our Father knows what he’s about, and as long as we remain in Jesus, we will bear fruit, fruit that will show we are Jesus’ disciples: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.[ref]Galatians 5:22.[/ref] We remain in Jesus by obeying him.[ref]John 15:10.[/ref] Jesus explains why he tells us all this: that his joy may be in us and that our joy may be full, complete, missing nothing.[ref]John 15:11.[/ref]

There we have it. Jesus means for us to have joy, and we will, if we stick to him. As his life flows through us, buds one day appear, and then the blossoms of desire. The beauty of the flowers delights, but doesn’t last. This should not discourage us, however, for falling petals are a part of the fruiting process. If the branch stays attached, underneath where the flowers once were, the fruit begin to swell and grow until one day they abundantly fill the branches.

Excerpt from Philippians: Steps to Joy & Peace (forthcoming).

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Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 5

Part five of a five-part message accompanying chapter 2 of The Story

What happens when we know what’s right to do, but doing it is a struggle? I resonate with Jacob’s seven courageous steps as he returned home despite his brother’s vow to kill him. In earlier posts, I mentioned that Jacob in faith immediately started on his way. When circumstances worsened, he prayed and repeated God’s promise to him. He arranged to repay the debt he owed his brother. Then he risked losing everything dear to him by sending his family and all his possessions across the river where Esau advanced. We come now to Jacob’s final two courageous steps.

Wrestle in Prayer

Ruben's painting of Jacob and Esau reconciling
Peter Paul Rubens, “The Reconciliation of Jacob and Esau,” 1624

Several years ago I wrestled in prayer late into the night seeking wisdom. Finally, at 2:00 a.m. the answers came clearly, I understood the situation in a new way, and realized what needed to be done, and was at peace.

The next morning I turned to a Psalm, and there found a verse declaring God’s attitude towards the type of situation I faced. Marveling at God’s continued guidance, I scribbled notes in my Bible’s yellowing pages and pondered over how often it seems that effective wrestling prayer happens at night. Paul talked about “wrestling in prayer … that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured” (Colossians 4:12). Wrestling prayer is transformational and especially suited for finding God’s will and standing firm in it.

From there I turned to Genesis and read that just as I’d wrestled through the night as I prepared to meet my situation, so Jacob wrestled through the night as he prepared to meet Esau.

After Jacob sent his loved ones and treasures across the cold river in the darkness of night, he remained behind. By the river’s banks in an outward struggle that mirrored the conflict within him, he wrestled with a man through the night (Genesis 32:24). It turned out this was no ordinary man: the Divine had appeared in a physical form that allowed Jacob to interact.

Jacob wrestled until daybreak, when the man touched Jacob’s hip, wrenching it and making obvious the man was no human and could have disabled Jacob at any time. Now Jacob lost the physical strength on which he depended, and would be unable to fight if his brother attacked.

The man commanded Jacob to let go of him, but Jacob refused, entreating the man to bless him first. The man then said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome (Genesis 32:28).

Wrestling through the night transformed him from Jacob—“he who supplants”—to Israel—“God struggles.”

Just as Jacob wrestled until he was transformed, so we wrestle in prayer until we’re transformed and God blesses us with the understanding and peace we need.

The man disappeared and Jacob had just one step left.

Just Obey

As the sun arose, Jacob crossed over the river and limped ahead of his family to meet his brother. He bowed seven times before Esau.

Limping, weak, and tired, he courageously faced that day’s challenge.

In so doing, he showed his changed character. He advanced first before his family, not holding back in case he needed to escape. He bowed to Esau and called him lord, thus respecting him as older instead of trying to supplant him. He humbly acknowledged all he had came from God instead of greedily grasping for greater. He made restitution, and when Esau refused it, he insisted on repaying his wrongs.

God gave Jacob the covenant blessing. It was a gift, not a treasure taken by treachery. His character was transformed. And God delivered him as promised, for unbeknownst to Jacob God had already changed Esau’s heart: “But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And he wept” (Genesis 33:4).

By humbly and courageously obeying God, Jacob had allowed God to change him.

***

Do you have before you a task which takes courage? Here are the seven ways Jacob courageously obeyed:

Start on the way
Be still and pray
Promises say
Try debt to pay
Risk come what may
Wrestling pray
Then just obey

Related posts

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 1

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 2

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 3

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 4

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Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 4

Part four of a five-part message accompanying chapter 2 of The Story

How do we courageously obey God when obedience is risky? I find help in Jacob’s seven courageous steps as he returned home despite his brother’s vow to kill him. In earlier posts, I mentioned that Jacob in faith immediately started on his way when God told him to go home; that when circumstances worsened, he prayed and repeated God’s promise to him; and that he arranged to repay the debt he owed his brother. We come now to Jacob’s fifth step of courage: risking all to obey the God he trusted.

Risk Come What May

Ruben's painting of Jacob and Esau reconcilingPeter Paul Rubens, “The Reconciliation of Jacob and Esau,” 1624

At eighteen, I worked for a secretarial agency during a bad recession. Business was scant. One day the owner excitedly told me she had an idea on how to increase income by restructuring rates, and she asked me to call competitors, say I had a large job, and ask for quotes. I thought, “She’s a Christian and an adult, and she thinks it’s okay. Besides, who could it hurt?” I complied, but was dismayed when a competitor excitedly asked for details. I realized I’d raised the hopes of someone desperate for work. Convicted because I knew the Bible forbade lying, I committed to never do this again.

Years later, that commitment was tested. I’d been at a new job only a couple months when a successful and driven sales VP asked me to make a similar call. I prayed for alternatives, and then offered to see if my assistant would take the assignment directly from him and, if not, to call the competitor and ask for pricing directly, explaining that as a Christian I wasn’t comfortable lying. His pricey pen froze midair as his deep-set eyes glared under thick gray eyebrows.

My assistant declined, so the next morning I prayed for God’s help, called the competitor, and requested pricing. When he asked from what company I was calling, I told him honestly. Sounding surprised, he gave me the numbers and said they were public knowledge anyway. I passed them on to my still angry boss. He didn’t fire me, but he did pile on unpleasant work for a couple weeks, apparently testing whether I would refuse anything else. It took time, but we eventually had a good working relationship.

A year later he told me what happened. He had gone home that night furious and told his wife he was firing me the next day. She asked him why he would fire someone he’d just learned he could trust even at the risk of losing her job. He grudgingly delayed firing me, and finally decided having an honest employee was valuable.

We all face times when obeying God brings risk. That’s what Jacob faced as he stood at the bank of a cold river in the middle of the night. On the other side was the home to which God commanded him to go. But also on the other side was danger, for his brother Esau was advancing with 400 men.

Working in darkness, Jacob trusted in God’s promise and sent his entire family and all his possessions across the water that separated him from Esau.

It’s one thing to pray as he had earlier, “God, all that I have is undeserved.” It’s another to actually obey knowing we may lose what’s dear to us. That takes courage.

The willingness to suffer the repercussions of doing right, to accept loss as a possible part of God’s plan, and to embrace an uncertain future as being part of the trustworthy plans of a just and good God requires recognizing that we are servants of the most high God. It’s where we do what’s right despite the potential cost. It’s where the mother releases her college-bound child, the husband his financial security, and the grief-ridden their beloved into the hands of God. It’s where we let go and trust.

We leave our story now with Jacob still on the safer side of the river, knowing God wants him to cross over and face his brother. The next post brings us Jacob’s final two courageous steps.

Related Posts

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 1

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 2

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 3

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 5

 

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Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 3

Part three of a five-part message accompanying chapter 2 of The Story

Years ago I decided that any time I said something negative about someone to a person who didn’t need to know, I would go to the person I’d talked to and say, “When I told you about so-and-so, I was gossiping and that was wrong. I apologize, and I ask that you not let the story go further.” I dreaded doing this, but I knew it was the least I could do to repay my debt to the person I’d wronged.

Ruben's painting of Jacob and Esau reconciling

Peter Paul Rubens, "The Reconciliation of Jacob and Esau," 1624

It’s often hard to admit our wrongs. We may fear losing face or suffering retaliation. Some people avoid those they’ve wronged at all costs. Yet Jesus said we should make things right with those who have something against us even before we bring God gifts (Matthew 5:23–24). This was Jacob’s predicament as he paused before the river separating him from Esau.

In my last two posts we saw that God told Jacob to go home, a place he’d fled twenty years before because his brother Esau vowed to kill him. Jacob courageously started on his way, but panicked when he heard Esau was coming with four hundred men. He stopped franticly planning long enough to pray and repeat God’s promise to him.

Apparently during Jacob’s prayer time, the Holy Spirit encouraged him to make amends. After all, the split between Esau and him was his fault: he had deceitfully defrauded his brother.

Isn’t that a common result of prayer? The Holy Spirit reminds us of the issues we haven’t really dealt with appropriately and tugs our conscience, reminding us we actually have to make things right. Jacob’s return home required another courageous step.

Repay Debts

Jacob stayed up that night and selected a gift for his brother Esau (Genesis 32:13). Officially, he didn’t owe Esau anything: his father’s oral blessing was legally binding even though Jacob had tricked his dad into thinking he was Esau. But spiritually, he needed to make things right. From all that Jacob had, he separated out that which would make restitution to his brother. In so doing, he let go of the greed that had driven him to defraud Esau.

Coming clean when we’ve wronged someone takes courage. Our pride likes to keep us from admitting our wrongs, and tempts us to justify ourselves by looking at the other person’s wrongs (real or not). But repaying debts we have the means to repay and apologizing for wrongdoing is essential for spiritual growth and healthy relationships.

Jacob couldn’t make up for all the pain he’d caused, but he readied what he could before meeting the challenge that comes next in this series.

Related Posts

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 1

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 2

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 4

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 5

 

 

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Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 2

Part two of a five-part message accompanying chapter 2 of The Story
Ruben's painting of Jacob and Esau reconciling
Peter Paul Rubens, “The Reconciliation of Jacob and Esau,” 1624

Sometimes doing what’s right brings hardship. An addict who finally seeks help must face all those things he was running from that got him hooked in the first place. Obeying Jesus’ command to talk to others about sin can strain relationships. Moving because we sense God’s call brings difficult adjustments and many losses. As happened to me, addressing a co-worker’s inappropriate actions can increase tensions in the workplace. The courageous course often passes through dark valleys.

Jacob’s was. In my last post, Jacob courageously started on his way to obey God’s command to return home, but heard Esau was coming with four hundred men.

With adrenaline flowing and heart racing, Jacob planned for the worse. He divided the people into two groups, thinking if Esau attacked one, the other could escape. Perhaps he considered fleeing back with the escapees if God didn’t come through.

But Jacob was a prophet and God’s command to go home was unmistakable. He didn’t allow panic to rule: he took another courageous step.

Be Still and Pray

Jacob stopped his frantic planning and prayed, a courageous step both because he had to pause from preparing to protect himself and because honest prayer opens us up to hearing what we might not want to hear, such as a word to move in a direction we’d rather not go.

Here’s Jacob’s faith-fostering prayer:

First, he recalled his relationship with God: He called God the God of his grandfather, Abraham, and his father, Isaac. He cried out, “O Lord, who said to me, ‘Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper’” (Genesis 32:9).

Second, he remembered that God’s blessings are undeserved: “I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups” (32:10). When we fear losing something, remembering that what we have is undeserved keeps us from concluding God owes us.

Third, he honestly stated his fear: “Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children” (32:11). Sometimes we think fear is of itself sinful, and that keeps us from admitting our fears to God and honestly asking for what we need. But Jacob didn’t do that: He told God exactly what he was afraid might happen.

Prayers like this calm fear. Do we fear financial ruin and loss of status? Do we worry about others’ opinions? Do we dread the loss of a beloved who brings us joy, companionship, and strength? Are we anxious over our child’s uncertain future? We can pray like Jacob.

Jacob’s prayer had a fourth element, but it’s so important that it stands alone as an important step of courage.

Promises Say

Jacob repeated God’s promise to him: “But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted’” (Genesis 32:12). Can’t you just hear peace calming his heart in the words, “But you have said,” as Jacob courageously put his trust in God’s promise? “But you have said” turns our focus from fear to faith.

Few things build faith and calm fear more than repeating God’s promises. When we need courage, we can write out God’s promises on cards and place them where we’ll see them often. We can memorize his promises and repeat them over and over until they’re a part of us. We can pray, “But you have said.” There’s nothing like God’s promises to bring peace in the presence of fear.

Jacob still hadn’t completed God’s task, though. We’ll continue this story in the next post.

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Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 1

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 3

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 4

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 5

 

 

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Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 1

Part one of a five-part message accompanying chapter 2 of The Story
Ruben's painting of Jacob and Esau reconciling

Peter Paul Rubens, "The Reconciliation of Jacob and Esau," 1624

When I was about 21 and working at a megachurch, a co-worker more than twice my age to whom I didn’t report moved two brown filing cabinets into my cubicle and dropped on my desk a foot-high stack of invoices to be filed and handwritten letters on yellow paper to be typed. A manager laughed when I told him and said to tell the co-worker his work wasn’t my job. As I tried, this much taller man with tight, grizzled curls and bristly beard lifted his chin high, stared down at me from watery blue eyes that drooped slightly at the outer corners, frowned, and said that I had to do whatever he said because I was a woman and he was a man.

As I tried to get myself out of this increasingly tense situation, my mouth felt full of cotton, my hand trembled, and I stuttered for the first time in my memory.

Later that afternoon he repeated his comments to the church’s chief administrator and was fired. But one thing I learned from that bizarre experience is that sometimes nervousness, tension, and fear bring unexpected physical responses that we can’t control.

I used to think just feeling fear was sinful: it’s not. God gave us physical responses so we could perceive and escape danger quickly. Many “Do not fear” verses are akin to a loving mother telling her child on the first day of school, “Don’t be afraid—you’ll be okay.” Others, like Jesus’ admonition not to fear those who can kill the body but not the soul (Luke 12:4), exhort us to courageously obey despite fear of consequences.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the willingness to do what’s right despite fear.

Revelation 21:8 initially struck me as odd: it says that the coward’s final destination is hell. You see, to continually disobey out of fear of losing something is to love that thing more than God—it’s idol worship. It’s the opposite of what Jesus said his followers must do: deny themselves and be willing to lose everything in the world and even their own lives for him (Matthew 16:24–26). Following Jesus takes courage.

C. S. Lewis put it this way in The Screwtape Letters: “Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means at the point of highest reality.”

The Old Testament gives us an example of courageous obedience in the story of Jacob’s reunion with his twin brother, Esau. Jacob had fled Esau, who wanted to kill him. Yet God told Jacob to return home despite his fear. Jacob met the challenges he faced courageously in seven ways we can emulate.

Start on the Way

When God told Jacob to return home to his family, he’d been gone twenty years. His brother had vowed to kill him after Jacob tricked their father into giving him what belonged to Esau. Their mother had told Jacob she’d let him know when Esau’s anger subsided, but word never came. Nonetheless God told him to go home and promised to be with him. Jacob set out with his family, possessions, herds, flocks, and servants without knowing how God would protect him.

When we know what’s right to do, the first courageous step is to simply start on the way.

Starting out courageously is no guarantee all will go smoothly, however. Jacob sent Esau a message saying he was heading home. But when the messengers returned, they reported Esau was coming with four hundred men.

As with Jacob, when we courageously obey, our situation may seem to worsen. Jacob needed to continue to courageously act, as we’ll see in my next post.

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Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 2

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 3

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 4

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 5

 

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Disbelief and a Broken Tooth

Jackie with her front tooth fixed

We found ten-year-old Jackie crying next to the pool, waiting for us. She’d been our foster daughter for just a short time, but she came quickly into our arms. She was still damp and the scent of chlorine clung to her. Gently pushing blond hair from her face, I said, “Let me see, Jackie.” She opened her swollen lips to display the front tooth broken off in a sharp slanted line.

My husband said, “We’ll call the dentist just as soon as we get home, Jackie. He’ll fix your tooth right away.”

After a few more minutes of making sure she was otherwise okay and assuring her that her tooth was fixable, my husband asked, “Jackie, why ever did you dive head-first into the shallow end of the pool?”

“No one told me not to,” she said.

“That’s not true, Jackie,” I said, surprised. “We told you many times not to dive into the shallow end because you could get hurt.”

She wailed, “I didn’t believe you! I thought you were trying to keep me from fun.”

How often are we like that with God, thinking his commands deny us good things? Our disbelief that God’s intentions are good can result in broken teeth like these:

  • A young mom lies rather than learning to tell the truth in love: Her family doesn’t trust her.
  • A wife refuses to forgive: Her marriage and faith crumble.
  • A teenage girl sleeps around: She’s a mother even though she still needs one herself.
  • A teenage boy dabbles in drugs: Addiction ruins his education and confidence.
  • A couple covets their friends’ lifestyles: They’re crushed by debt.
  • A husband indulges in porn: His wife is hurt and feels inadequate.

This list could go on endlessly, couldn’t it? Who hasn’t dived into the shallow end of some pool of disobedience and come out with broken teeth—or worse?

After her accident, Jackie believed our rule was meant for her good and resolved to never dive into the shallow end of a pool again (that’s true, isn’t it, Jackie?). Of course, no preteen believes every parental warning, but God does expect grown-ups who profess Christianity to believe that the Creator of the universe gives his commands out of love, to acknowledge he knows best, and to resolve to obey him.

Righteous are you, O LORD, and your laws are right. The statutes you have laid down are righteous; they are fully trustworthy. Psalms 119:137-138

Related:

Chasing Crows

Working Out Your Salvation?

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Joseph: Triumph Over Betrayal

Painting of 'La Tunica de Jose'
‘La Tunica de Jose’ by Jose Vergara Gimeno (1726-1799), collection of Joan J. Gavara (Valencia)

Most of us have been betrayed. Perhaps we were abused as a child, abandoned by a spouse, falsely accused, denied what was promised, lured into trusting the untrustworthy, or deceived into commitment. Betrayal struck Joseph the son of Jacob more than once.

Joseph’s ten older brothers were jealous that their father favored Joseph and sold him into slavery when he was seventeen. He served his slave master Potiphar faithfully, but Potiphar jailed him after hearing a false accusation. An inmate he’d aided forgot his promise to help clear his name, leaving Joseph imprisoned until he was thirty.

Yet Joseph triumphed over these betrayals. How did he do it?

Joseph stayed faithful to God

Joseph lived and spoke in such a way that his faith in God was obvious and caused his new master, Potiphar, to believe Joseph’s successes were God-given (Genesis 39:3). Rather than seeing his hardships as justification for abandoning God, when Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him, Joseph rebuffed her, saying, “How could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” (39:9). In prison and before Pharaoh, Joseph made his faith and trust in God known (40:8, 41:16).

Joseph served faithfully wherever he was

Instead of allowing injustices to poison his attitude, Joseph served Potiphar and the prison warden faithfully and fully. Both promoted him to their most trusted positions (39:4, 22). His faithfulness in low positions developed character as well as administrative and leadership skills he later needed as Pharaoh’s second-in-command.

Joseph embraced God’s blessings in the midst of suffering

Joseph recognized God’s presence and blessing under Potiphar and the prison warden (39:2, 21). When Pharaoh released him from prison and promoted him, he said God made him forget his troubles and his father’s household, and made him fruitful in this land of suffering (41:51-52). He didn’t whitewash his difficulties, but he embraced God’s blessings in the midst of hardships.

Joseph restored relationship with repentant betrayers

When Joseph’s older brothers came to buy grain from him during a famine more than two decades after betraying him, they didn’t recognize him. This allowed him to test whether they had changed, for forgiving doesn’t require restoring relationship with those who have intentionally wronged us and remain unrepentant.

Joseph told them to bring his younger brother, Benjamin—his father’s favorite after Joseph—upon their return. When they did, he served a meal during which he watched the brothers when he gave Benjamin five times the food he gave the rest. He then arranged matters so the older brothers would think Benjamin had stolen a silver cup and they could therefore legitimately abandon Benjamin to slavery, just as they had abandoned Joseph so many years before. Their responses showed Joseph two things:

  • The brothers admitted their sin. Joseph overheard his brothers’ regrets over sinning against Joseph and their admissions that they deserved punishment (42:21-23).
  • The brothers had changed. The brothers didn’t respond jealously when he showed Benjamin favor (43:34). All the brothers tore their clothes in anguish when the silver cup was found in Benjamin’s possession, rather than gloating over his fall (44:13). Judah offered to take Benjamin’s place as Joseph’s slave (44:33), proving they had no intention of abandoning the youngest.

Satisfied, Joseph revealed himself and offered not just restored relationship, but provision (45:9-11).

Joseph recognized that God used the betrayals for good

Joseph’s understanding of the good God had brought through his sufferings was so ingrained in him that immediately upon revealing himself he was able to tell his brothers not to be angry with themselves over what they had done to him, for God had used it to save lives (Genesis 45:4). It is here that his faith in God’s hand in his life is most poignantly portrayed, for he shows not a hint of bitterness. Yes, God had allowed him to suffer, but God had worked all for good.

Joseph forgave his brothers

Joseph’s faith in God’s working all the events of his life for good enabled him to fully forgive his brothers. After their father, Jacob, died the brothers feared Joseph’s wrath and offered themselves as slaves. Joseph’s speech to his brothers demonstrated five foundations for forgiveness:

  • Don’t be afraid—Joseph offered mercy and assured them he would not enslave them as they deserved.
  • Am I in the place of God?—Joseph refused personal vengeance, for he knew only God can avenge wrongs (Romans 12:19). Indeed, only God can justly avenge for only God sees the heart.
  • You intended to harm me—Joseph forgave without minimizing or excusing. True forgiveness forgives actual wrongs without excusing them as being less serious than they are. He didn’t base his forgiveness on a false assumption of ignorance or weakness; rather, he forgave intentional sin.
  • God intended it for good— Forgiveness requires faith that God can and will work all things for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). Joseph believed God intended his sufferings for good, and he helped his brothers see that God worked their failings for good.
  • I will provide for you—Joseph offered grace by extending undeserved blessings.

Triumphing over betrayal requires faith in God’s power and love: He can and will work all things for our good.

But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. ~Genesis 50:19-21

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For more on the life of Joseph, see The Story lesson 3.

 

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Announcing a Study on the Bible’s Grand Story

The Story: Personal Journal & Discussion Guide

Sensing a need for a more comprehensive view of the totality of Biblical truth, this year two hundred women in Crossline Church read The Story, NIV: The Bible as One Continuing Story of God and His People, which excerpts passages from Genesis to Revelation. Though we began with a set of discussion questions from another source, they didn’t quite meet our needs. Our women’s ministry director asked me to write the weekly study that the women completed at home and then discussed in their small groups. Many women told me that they had never before had such a robust appreciation for all that God was doing in the sweep of history.

The response was overwhelmingly positive as people said they understood parts of the Bible for the first time and were no longer afraid of it.

The positive reaction prompted our women’s ministry director to send two of the studies to Zondervan, the publisher of The Story. Zondervan has asked to post the series in their on-line resource library as soon as I write the first seven lessons! How exciting is that?

I’m in the middle of writing those seven, and I’ll test them at a women’s Bible study group this summer so I can hone them before sending them off. (Let me know if you’d like to join us!) I’ll post the lessons on this site as I finish them. This will give you a chance to preview the material and see if it’s something you can use at your church or for your own devotional times.

Update: The lessons are finished and you can download The Story: Personal Journal & Discussion Guide at ‘The Story’ Guide.

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Sins of the Fathers?

Does God punish innocent children to the third and fourth generations for the sins of the fathers?

Last week, someone asked several questions about children being punished for their parents’ wrongdoings, including whether events in Jewish history were examples of this and whether he should be concerned that he’ll suffer for his parents’ and grandparents’ sins.

What did God mean when he told the Israelites he would punish the children for the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generation?

The second of the Ten Commandments says this:

You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand [generations] of those who love me and keep my commandments. Exodus 20:3-6

Painting of Israelites worshipping golden calf

“The Adoration of the Golden Calf” by Nicolas Poussin

If the head of a household worshipped false gods, typically his descendents would join in that idolatry. The successive generations would be punished for committing the sins they learned from parents. (Exodus 34:6-7; Numbers 14:18; and Jeremiah 32:18 are similar.) Douglas K. Stuart wrote:

In other words, God will not say, “I won’t punish this generation for what they are doing to break my covenant because, after all, they merely learned it from their parents who did it too.’ Instead, God will indeed punish generation after generation (‘to the third and fourth generation’) if they keep doing the same sorts of sins that prior generations did. If the children continue to do the sins their parents did, they will receive the same punishments as their parents.”

Stuart goes on to point out that “‘Third and fourth’ is idiomatic in Hb. for ‘whatever number’ or ‘plenty of.’” [ref]Douglas K. Stuart, New American Commentary – Volume 2: Exodus, (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman, 2006), WORDsearch CROSS e-book, 454.[/ref]

That this verse does not mean innocent children will be punished is supported by Deuteronomy 24:16: “Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor children put to death for their fathers; each is to die for his own sin.”

Is the Babylonian captivity an example of the sins of the fathers being visited upon children?

The children who were exiled or born in exile endured the consequences of their parents’ sins: they could not live in the Promised Land during the exile. Moses warned of this consequence for persistently rejecting God, but also promised when a generation confessed their sins and their fathers’ sins, God would restore them to the land (Leviticus 26:39-42).

During Babylon’s siege against Judah, people quoted a proverb showing their belief that they were being punished for their ancestors’ sins, not their own. Ezekiel 18 addressed their error at length:

The word of the LORD came to me: “What do you people mean by quoting this proverb about the land of Israel: ‘The fathers eat sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge’? As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, you will no longer quote this proverb in Israel. For every living soul belongs to me, the father as well as the son—both alike belong to me. The soul who sins is the one who will die. Ezekiel 18:1-4

God said if a man is righteous, he will live (18:5-9). If he has a wicked son, the son will die (18:10-13). If the wicked man has a righteous son, the son will live (18:14-18). The Israelites complained that the righteous son should share his father’s guilt, but God said no, only the wicked man will die for his wickedness (18:19-20). Additionally, if a wicked man repents, he will live, but if a righteous man becomes wicked, he will die (18:21-29).

Through Jeremiah God said that after the exile, people would finally stop quoting that proverb and realize people die for their own sin (Jeremiah 31:29-30).

Despite the people’s wish to believe that they themselves didn’t deserve punishment, in actuality, the generations had increased in wickedness as they learned their parents’ sins and added to them until God finally said, “Enough.” The exiled generation ignored the prophets’ warnings against child sacrifice to Molech, the highly sexualized worship of Canaanite gods, gross mistreatment of the poor, and blatant injustice.

Note that the exile happened in three stages: 605 BC, 597 BC, and 586 BC (when Jerusalem was destroyed). The exiles returned in 536 BC, just 50 years after the last deportation. Many first generation children saw the restoration.

Is the destruction of Jerusalem in AD 70 an example of children being punished for their parents having crucified Jesus 40 years earlier?

No, the Jews that died in the Great Jewish Revolt against Rome were not being punished for Jesus’ crucifixion, but for their own rejection of Jesus as Messiah.

Moses had warned the Israelites that God would one day raise up a prophet like him and they must listen to him, or they would be called to account (Deuteronomy 18:15, 18, 19). The apostles reminded the Jews of this and warned them they would be cut off if they rejected Jesus as Messiah (Acts 3:22-23).

In AD 66, Jews in the provinces of Galilee and Judah revolted against Rome. They were led by the Zealots, a Jewish sect which taught the Messiah would come when the Jews were righteous enough to deserve the Messiah; the righteousness they demanded included rejecting all other human governance. They refused to pay taxes and assassinated Roman officials.

An initial victory led many Jews to join the Zealots in their revolt. Those who revolted rejected Jesus as Messiah and sought from among their own a Messiah who would establish an earthly kingdom free from Roman rule. As Rome crushed the revolt, the Zealots assassinated Jews who didn’t give them their full support, preventing them from surrendering. Rome destroyed Jerusalem and the temple in AD 70 and finished putting down the revolt in AD 75. The Jews entered exile again.

Are we destined to endure divine retribution of some sort of pain, suffering, and physical death here on earth because of some of the sins committed by our fathers or grandfathers?

No, absolutely not. We sometimes suffer the consequences of our parents’ sins: a gambler may lose his house and plunge his family into poverty. We sometimes learn and repeat the sins our parents teach us, bringing more consequences and even discipline. But we won’t endure divine retribution for our ancestors’ wickedness.

Besides, “in Christ” all of this is irrelevant anyway because when we’re “born again,” we’re born into God’s family.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. ~2 Corinthians 5:17

 

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Shine by Scrubbing Spiritual Grime

Twice I stopped dicing onions and alerted my husband he was blocking my light. Wondering if a fluorescent bulb in the kitchen ceiling fixture had gone out, he climbed atop a chair and carefully removed the first of two lighting panels. As he lowered it to the ground, the light in the room doubled. It turned out that the aged, yellowed panel now blocked more light than it diffused.

Painting of sunrise

From “Joy Comes in the Morning” by Rae Jones

When he removed the second panel, we found two more problems: One bulb was indeed dead, and the other barely glowed from its failing electrical ballast.

In the morning as I started tidying in the increased light, I noticed the cobalt blue mixer which usually blended in to the royal blue walls now stood out. But it didn’t shine. I examined it closely and found—ugh—a thin grimy film previously invisible.

I scrubbed nearly the entire kitchen while Clay replaced light fixtures, bulbs, and lighting panels. Four pots of hot, soapy water and half a cup of bleach later, the kitchen sparkled under the new, bright lights.

The old lights had dimmed so gradually over eighteen years that I’d no idea how much light we’d lost.

Which is exactly what can happen in our spiritual lives: We can drift from God’s light so slowly that we don’t realize we no longer see clearly the spiritual grime that needs cleaning.

Spiritual Grime

Jesus said people who fear light exposing bad deeds stay out of the light, but those who live by truth come into the light (John 3:20-21). Part of walking in light and truth is admitting our sins to God and receiving his forgiveness and purification:

If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:6-9

Though God cleanses us when we in faith turn to Jesus as Savior and Lord, as we traverse this world, our feet get dirty and need regular washing. That’s why Jesus told Peter, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean” (John 13:10).

Five Ways to Walk in Light

How do we walk in the light so we know when our feet need cleansing?

1. Examine Life under Scripture’s Light

Just as I examined my counter accoutrements under good light, so I can examine my life under Scripture’s light. When I read what pleases and displeases God, I can reflect on how well my life matches. For instance, when I read Paul’s Colossians 3:8-9 list of what to dispose of—anger, rage, malice, slander, filthy language, and lying—I can pause at each to consider if they’re MIA.

2. Bring Weaknesses to God Daily

Because stainless steel surfaces show fingerprints even in dim light, I know they need extra attention and I polish them almost daily. Likewise, in my daily prayers, I can bring before God my weaknesses that need extra attention, praying, “See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23).

3. Confess Sins Immediately

We all know it’s important to wipe up spills as soon as they happen. Similarly, we should address anything we notice wrong immediately. For example, the instant we have an envious thought, we can confess it and replace it with thanksgiving for what we have. The Apostle John said, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Confessing immediately is like wiping up a spill as soon as we see it.

4. Get Help from Experienced Mentors

Our 25-year old countertop tiles are cracked and the grout is chipped and discolored beyond bleach’s power. While we could retile ourselves, rather than continuing to battle grout, we plan to hire an experienced installer to put in a solid surface. In the same way, if we continue to battle a particular weakness, it may be time to get experienced help in the form of an accountability partner, a counselor, or an addiction recovery program.

5. Rejoice in God’s Mercy

After I finished scrubbing my kitchen under the bright new lights, I stood back and admired how the mixer and glass canisters sparkled. In the same way, when we’ve acknowledged and repented of our sins, we should recognize that God has forgiven us and washed us clean.

We should never try to punish ourselves because that shows a lack of faith that Jesus’ work on the cross was enough to cleanse us. Nor should we berate ourselves as bad, for God said, “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean” (Acts 10:15). We should accept God’s forgiveness and move forward. After all, “whoever lacks” virtue, godliness, etc.,  “is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins” (2 Peter 19).

The blood of Jesus purifies us from all sin. That’s something to rejoice about!

How do we stop drifting from God's light where we can see spiritual grime? Share on X
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