Encouragement in the spiritual life

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Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 2

Part two of a five-part message accompanying chapter 2 of The Story
Ruben's painting of Jacob and Esau reconciling
Peter Paul Rubens, “The Reconciliation of Jacob and Esau,” 1624

Sometimes doing what’s right brings hardship. An addict who finally seeks help must face all those things he was running from that got him hooked in the first place. Obeying Jesus’ command to talk to others about sin can strain relationships. Moving because we sense God’s call brings difficult adjustments and many losses. As happened to me, addressing a co-worker’s inappropriate actions can increase tensions in the workplace. The courageous course often passes through dark valleys.

Jacob’s was. In my last post, Jacob courageously started on his way to obey God’s command to return home, but heard Esau was coming with four hundred men.

With adrenaline flowing and heart racing, Jacob planned for the worse. He divided the people into two groups, thinking if Esau attacked one, the other could escape. Perhaps he considered fleeing back with the escapees if God didn’t come through.

But Jacob was a prophet and God’s command to go home was unmistakable. He didn’t allow panic to rule: he took another courageous step.

Be Still and Pray

Jacob stopped his frantic planning and prayed, a courageous step both because he had to pause from preparing to protect himself and because honest prayer opens us up to hearing what we might not want to hear, such as a word to move in a direction we’d rather not go.

Here’s Jacob’s faith-fostering prayer:

First, he recalled his relationship with God: He called God the God of his grandfather, Abraham, and his father, Isaac. He cried out, “O Lord, who said to me, ‘Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper’” (Genesis 32:9).

Second, he remembered that God’s blessings are undeserved: “I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups” (32:10). When we fear losing something, remembering that what we have is undeserved keeps us from concluding God owes us.

Third, he honestly stated his fear: “Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children” (32:11). Sometimes we think fear is of itself sinful, and that keeps us from admitting our fears to God and honestly asking for what we need. But Jacob didn’t do that: He told God exactly what he was afraid might happen.

Prayers like this calm fear. Do we fear financial ruin and loss of status? Do we worry about others’ opinions? Do we dread the loss of a beloved who brings us joy, companionship, and strength? Are we anxious over our child’s uncertain future? We can pray like Jacob.

Jacob’s prayer had a fourth element, but it’s so important that it stands alone as an important step of courage.

Promises Say

Jacob repeated God’s promise to him: “But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted’” (Genesis 32:12). Can’t you just hear peace calming his heart in the words, “But you have said,” as Jacob courageously put his trust in God’s promise? “But you have said” turns our focus from fear to faith.

Few things build faith and calm fear more than repeating God’s promises. When we need courage, we can write out God’s promises on cards and place them where we’ll see them often. We can memorize his promises and repeat them over and over until they’re a part of us. We can pray, “But you have said.” There’s nothing like God’s promises to bring peace in the presence of fear.

Jacob still hadn’t completed God’s task, though. We’ll continue this story in the next post.

Related Posts

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 1

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 3

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 4

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 5

 

 

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Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 1

Part one of a five-part message accompanying chapter 2 of The Story
Ruben's painting of Jacob and Esau reconciling

Peter Paul Rubens, "The Reconciliation of Jacob and Esau," 1624

When I was about 21 and working at a megachurch, a co-worker more than twice my age to whom I didn’t report moved two brown filing cabinets into my cubicle and dropped on my desk a foot-high stack of invoices to be filed and handwritten letters on yellow paper to be typed. A manager laughed when I told him and said to tell the co-worker his work wasn’t my job. As I tried, this much taller man with tight, grizzled curls and bristly beard lifted his chin high, stared down at me from watery blue eyes that drooped slightly at the outer corners, frowned, and said that I had to do whatever he said because I was a woman and he was a man.

As I tried to get myself out of this increasingly tense situation, my mouth felt full of cotton, my hand trembled, and I stuttered for the first time in my memory.

Later that afternoon he repeated his comments to the church’s chief administrator and was fired. But one thing I learned from that bizarre experience is that sometimes nervousness, tension, and fear bring unexpected physical responses that we can’t control.

I used to think just feeling fear was sinful: it’s not. God gave us physical responses so we could perceive and escape danger quickly. Many “Do not fear” verses are akin to a loving mother telling her child on the first day of school, “Don’t be afraid—you’ll be okay.” Others, like Jesus’ admonition not to fear those who can kill the body but not the soul (Luke 12:4), exhort us to courageously obey despite fear of consequences.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the willingness to do what’s right despite fear.

Revelation 21:8 initially struck me as odd: it says that the coward’s final destination is hell. You see, to continually disobey out of fear of losing something is to love that thing more than God—it’s idol worship. It’s the opposite of what Jesus said his followers must do: deny themselves and be willing to lose everything in the world and even their own lives for him (Matthew 16:24–26). Following Jesus takes courage.

C. S. Lewis put it this way in The Screwtape Letters: “Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means at the point of highest reality.”

The Old Testament gives us an example of courageous obedience in the story of Jacob’s reunion with his twin brother, Esau. Jacob had fled Esau, who wanted to kill him. Yet God told Jacob to return home despite his fear. Jacob met the challenges he faced courageously in seven ways we can emulate.

Start on the Way

When God told Jacob to return home to his family, he’d been gone twenty years. His brother had vowed to kill him after Jacob tricked their father into giving him what belonged to Esau. Their mother had told Jacob she’d let him know when Esau’s anger subsided, but word never came. Nonetheless God told him to go home and promised to be with him. Jacob set out with his family, possessions, herds, flocks, and servants without knowing how God would protect him.

When we know what’s right to do, the first courageous step is to simply start on the way.

Starting out courageously is no guarantee all will go smoothly, however. Jacob sent Esau a message saying he was heading home. But when the messengers returned, they reported Esau was coming with four hundred men.

As with Jacob, when we courageously obey, our situation may seem to worsen. Jacob needed to continue to courageously act, as we’ll see in my next post.

Related Posts

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 2

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 3

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 4

Courage: Jacob’s Example Part 5

 

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Disbelief and a Broken Tooth

Jackie with her front tooth fixed

We found ten-year-old Jackie crying next to the pool, waiting for us. She’d been our foster daughter for just a short time, but she came quickly into our arms. She was still damp and the scent of chlorine clung to her. Gently pushing blond hair from her face, I said, “Let me see, Jackie.” She opened her swollen lips to display the front tooth broken off in a sharp slanted line.

My husband said, “We’ll call the dentist just as soon as we get home, Jackie. He’ll fix your tooth right away.”

After a few more minutes of making sure she was otherwise okay and assuring her that her tooth was fixable, my husband asked, “Jackie, why ever did you dive head-first into the shallow end of the pool?”

“No one told me not to,” she said.

“That’s not true, Jackie,” I said, surprised. “We told you many times not to dive into the shallow end because you could get hurt.”

She wailed, “I didn’t believe you! I thought you were trying to keep me from fun.”

How often are we like that with God, thinking his commands deny us good things? Our disbelief that God’s intentions are good can result in broken teeth like these:

  • A young mom lies rather than learning to tell the truth in love: Her family doesn’t trust her.
  • A wife refuses to forgive: Her marriage and faith crumble.
  • A teenage girl sleeps around: She’s a mother even though she still needs one herself.
  • A teenage boy dabbles in drugs: Addiction ruins his education and confidence.
  • A couple covets their friends’ lifestyles: They’re crushed by debt.
  • A husband indulges in porn: His wife is hurt and feels inadequate.

This list could go on endlessly, couldn’t it? Who hasn’t dived into the shallow end of some pool of disobedience and come out with broken teeth—or worse?

After her accident, Jackie believed our rule was meant for her good and resolved to never dive into the shallow end of a pool again (that’s true, isn’t it, Jackie?). Of course, no preteen believes every parental warning, but God does expect grown-ups who profess Christianity to believe that the Creator of the universe gives his commands out of love, to acknowledge he knows best, and to resolve to obey him.

Righteous are you, O LORD, and your laws are right. The statutes you have laid down are righteous; they are fully trustworthy. Psalms 119:137-138

Related:

Chasing Crows

Working Out Your Salvation?

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Joseph: Triumph Over Betrayal

Painting of 'La Tunica de Jose'
‘La Tunica de Jose’ by Jose Vergara Gimeno (1726-1799), collection of Joan J. Gavara (Valencia)

Most of us have been betrayed. Perhaps we were abused as a child, abandoned by a spouse, falsely accused, denied what was promised, lured into trusting the untrustworthy, or deceived into commitment. Betrayal struck Joseph the son of Jacob more than once.

Joseph’s ten older brothers were jealous that their father favored Joseph and sold him into slavery when he was seventeen. He served his slave master Potiphar faithfully, but Potiphar jailed him after hearing a false accusation. An inmate he’d aided forgot his promise to help clear his name, leaving Joseph imprisoned until he was thirty.

Yet Joseph triumphed over these betrayals. How did he do it?

Joseph stayed faithful to God

Joseph lived and spoke in such a way that his faith in God was obvious and caused his new master, Potiphar, to believe Joseph’s successes were God-given (Genesis 39:3). Rather than seeing his hardships as justification for abandoning God, when Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him, Joseph rebuffed her, saying, “How could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” (39:9). In prison and before Pharaoh, Joseph made his faith and trust in God known (40:8, 41:16).

Joseph served faithfully wherever he was

Instead of allowing injustices to poison his attitude, Joseph served Potiphar and the prison warden faithfully and fully. Both promoted him to their most trusted positions (39:4, 22). His faithfulness in low positions developed character as well as administrative and leadership skills he later needed as Pharaoh’s second-in-command.

Joseph embraced God’s blessings in the midst of suffering

Joseph recognized God’s presence and blessing under Potiphar and the prison warden (39:2, 21). When Pharaoh released him from prison and promoted him, he said God made him forget his troubles and his father’s household, and made him fruitful in this land of suffering (41:51-52). He didn’t whitewash his difficulties, but he embraced God’s blessings in the midst of hardships.

Joseph restored relationship with repentant betrayers

When Joseph’s older brothers came to buy grain from him during a famine more than two decades after betraying him, they didn’t recognize him. This allowed him to test whether they had changed, for forgiving doesn’t require restoring relationship with those who have intentionally wronged us and remain unrepentant.

Joseph told them to bring his younger brother, Benjamin—his father’s favorite after Joseph—upon their return. When they did, he served a meal during which he watched the brothers when he gave Benjamin five times the food he gave the rest. He then arranged matters so the older brothers would think Benjamin had stolen a silver cup and they could therefore legitimately abandon Benjamin to slavery, just as they had abandoned Joseph so many years before. Their responses showed Joseph two things:

  • The brothers admitted their sin. Joseph overheard his brothers’ regrets over sinning against Joseph and their admissions that they deserved punishment (42:21-23).
  • The brothers had changed. The brothers didn’t respond jealously when he showed Benjamin favor (43:34). All the brothers tore their clothes in anguish when the silver cup was found in Benjamin’s possession, rather than gloating over his fall (44:13). Judah offered to take Benjamin’s place as Joseph’s slave (44:33), proving they had no intention of abandoning the youngest.

Satisfied, Joseph revealed himself and offered not just restored relationship, but provision (45:9-11).

Joseph recognized that God used the betrayals for good

Joseph’s understanding of the good God had brought through his sufferings was so ingrained in him that immediately upon revealing himself he was able to tell his brothers not to be angry with themselves over what they had done to him, for God had used it to save lives (Genesis 45:4). It is here that his faith in God’s hand in his life is most poignantly portrayed, for he shows not a hint of bitterness. Yes, God had allowed him to suffer, but God had worked all for good.

Joseph forgave his brothers

Joseph’s faith in God’s working all the events of his life for good enabled him to fully forgive his brothers. After their father, Jacob, died the brothers feared Joseph’s wrath and offered themselves as slaves. Joseph’s speech to his brothers demonstrated five foundations for forgiveness:

  • Don’t be afraid—Joseph offered mercy and assured them he would not enslave them as they deserved.
  • Am I in the place of God?—Joseph refused personal vengeance, for he knew only God can avenge wrongs (Romans 12:19). Indeed, only God can justly avenge for only God sees the heart.
  • You intended to harm me—Joseph forgave without minimizing or excusing. True forgiveness forgives actual wrongs without excusing them as being less serious than they are. He didn’t base his forgiveness on a false assumption of ignorance or weakness; rather, he forgave intentional sin.
  • God intended it for good— Forgiveness requires faith that God can and will work all things for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). Joseph believed God intended his sufferings for good, and he helped his brothers see that God worked their failings for good.
  • I will provide for you—Joseph offered grace by extending undeserved blessings.

Triumphing over betrayal requires faith in God’s power and love: He can and will work all things for our good.

But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. ~Genesis 50:19-21

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For more on the life of Joseph, see The Story lesson 3.

 

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Sins of the Fathers?

Does God punish innocent children to the third and fourth generations for the sins of the fathers?

Last week, someone asked several questions about children being punished for their parents’ wrongdoings, including whether events in Jewish history were examples of this and whether he should be concerned that he’ll suffer for his parents’ and grandparents’ sins.

What did God mean when he told the Israelites he would punish the children for the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generation?

The second of the Ten Commandments says this:

You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand [generations] of those who love me and keep my commandments. Exodus 20:3-6

Painting of Israelites worshipping golden calf

“The Adoration of the Golden Calf” by Nicolas Poussin

If the head of a household worshipped false gods, typically his descendents would join in that idolatry. The successive generations would be punished for committing the sins they learned from parents. (Exodus 34:6-7; Numbers 14:18; and Jeremiah 32:18 are similar.) Douglas K. Stuart wrote:

In other words, God will not say, “I won’t punish this generation for what they are doing to break my covenant because, after all, they merely learned it from their parents who did it too.’ Instead, God will indeed punish generation after generation (‘to the third and fourth generation’) if they keep doing the same sorts of sins that prior generations did. If the children continue to do the sins their parents did, they will receive the same punishments as their parents.”

Stuart goes on to point out that “‘Third and fourth’ is idiomatic in Hb. for ‘whatever number’ or ‘plenty of.’” [ref]Douglas K. Stuart, New American Commentary – Volume 2: Exodus, (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman, 2006), WORDsearch CROSS e-book, 454.[/ref]

That this verse does not mean innocent children will be punished is supported by Deuteronomy 24:16: “Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor children put to death for their fathers; each is to die for his own sin.”

Is the Babylonian captivity an example of the sins of the fathers being visited upon children?

The children who were exiled or born in exile endured the consequences of their parents’ sins: they could not live in the Promised Land during the exile. Moses warned of this consequence for persistently rejecting God, but also promised when a generation confessed their sins and their fathers’ sins, God would restore them to the land (Leviticus 26:39-42).

During Babylon’s siege against Judah, people quoted a proverb showing their belief that they were being punished for their ancestors’ sins, not their own. Ezekiel 18 addressed their error at length:

The word of the LORD came to me: “What do you people mean by quoting this proverb about the land of Israel: ‘The fathers eat sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge’? As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, you will no longer quote this proverb in Israel. For every living soul belongs to me, the father as well as the son—both alike belong to me. The soul who sins is the one who will die. Ezekiel 18:1-4

God said if a man is righteous, he will live (18:5-9). If he has a wicked son, the son will die (18:10-13). If the wicked man has a righteous son, the son will live (18:14-18). The Israelites complained that the righteous son should share his father’s guilt, but God said no, only the wicked man will die for his wickedness (18:19-20). Additionally, if a wicked man repents, he will live, but if a righteous man becomes wicked, he will die (18:21-29).

Through Jeremiah God said that after the exile, people would finally stop quoting that proverb and realize people die for their own sin (Jeremiah 31:29-30).

Despite the people’s wish to believe that they themselves didn’t deserve punishment, in actuality, the generations had increased in wickedness as they learned their parents’ sins and added to them until God finally said, “Enough.” The exiled generation ignored the prophets’ warnings against child sacrifice to Molech, the highly sexualized worship of Canaanite gods, gross mistreatment of the poor, and blatant injustice.

Note that the exile happened in three stages: 605 BC, 597 BC, and 586 BC (when Jerusalem was destroyed). The exiles returned in 536 BC, just 50 years after the last deportation. Many first generation children saw the restoration.

Is the destruction of Jerusalem in AD 70 an example of children being punished for their parents having crucified Jesus 40 years earlier?

No, the Jews that died in the Great Jewish Revolt against Rome were not being punished for Jesus’ crucifixion, but for their own rejection of Jesus as Messiah.

Moses had warned the Israelites that God would one day raise up a prophet like him and they must listen to him, or they would be called to account (Deuteronomy 18:15, 18, 19). The apostles reminded the Jews of this and warned them they would be cut off if they rejected Jesus as Messiah (Acts 3:22-23).

In AD 66, Jews in the provinces of Galilee and Judah revolted against Rome. They were led by the Zealots, a Jewish sect which taught the Messiah would come when the Jews were righteous enough to deserve the Messiah; the righteousness they demanded included rejecting all other human governance. They refused to pay taxes and assassinated Roman officials.

An initial victory led many Jews to join the Zealots in their revolt. Those who revolted rejected Jesus as Messiah and sought from among their own a Messiah who would establish an earthly kingdom free from Roman rule. As Rome crushed the revolt, the Zealots assassinated Jews who didn’t give them their full support, preventing them from surrendering. Rome destroyed Jerusalem and the temple in AD 70 and finished putting down the revolt in AD 75. The Jews entered exile again.

Are we destined to endure divine retribution of some sort of pain, suffering, and physical death here on earth because of some of the sins committed by our fathers or grandfathers?

No, absolutely not. We sometimes suffer the consequences of our parents’ sins: a gambler may lose his house and plunge his family into poverty. We sometimes learn and repeat the sins our parents teach us, bringing more consequences and even discipline. But we won’t endure divine retribution for our ancestors’ wickedness.

Besides, “in Christ” all of this is irrelevant anyway because when we’re “born again,” we’re born into God’s family.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. ~2 Corinthians 5:17

 

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Shine by Scrubbing Spiritual Grime

Twice I stopped dicing onions and alerted my husband he was blocking my light. Wondering if a fluorescent bulb in the kitchen ceiling fixture had gone out, he climbed atop a chair and carefully removed the first of two lighting panels. As he lowered it to the ground, the light in the room doubled. It turned out that the aged, yellowed panel now blocked more light than it diffused.

Painting of sunrise

From “Joy Comes in the Morning” by Rae Jones

When he removed the second panel, we found two more problems: One bulb was indeed dead, and the other barely glowed from its failing electrical ballast.

In the morning as I started tidying in the increased light, I noticed the cobalt blue mixer which usually blended in to the royal blue walls now stood out. But it didn’t shine. I examined it closely and found—ugh—a thin grimy film previously invisible.

I scrubbed nearly the entire kitchen while Clay replaced light fixtures, bulbs, and lighting panels. Four pots of hot, soapy water and half a cup of bleach later, the kitchen sparkled under the new, bright lights.

The old lights had dimmed so gradually over eighteen years that I’d no idea how much light we’d lost.

Which is exactly what can happen in our spiritual lives: We can drift from God’s light so slowly that we don’t realize we no longer see clearly the spiritual grime that needs cleaning.

Spiritual Grime

Jesus said people who fear light exposing bad deeds stay out of the light, but those who live by truth come into the light (John 3:20-21). Part of walking in light and truth is admitting our sins to God and receiving his forgiveness and purification:

If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:6-9

Though God cleanses us when we in faith turn to Jesus as Savior and Lord, as we traverse this world, our feet get dirty and need regular washing. That’s why Jesus told Peter, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean” (John 13:10).

Five Ways to Walk in Light

How do we walk in the light so we know when our feet need cleansing?

1. Examine Life under Scripture’s Light

Just as I examined my counter accoutrements under good light, so I can examine my life under Scripture’s light. When I read what pleases and displeases God, I can reflect on how well my life matches. For instance, when I read Paul’s Colossians 3:8-9 list of what to dispose of—anger, rage, malice, slander, filthy language, and lying—I can pause at each to consider if they’re MIA.

2. Bring Weaknesses to God Daily

Because stainless steel surfaces show fingerprints even in dim light, I know they need extra attention and I polish them almost daily. Likewise, in my daily prayers, I can bring before God my weaknesses that need extra attention, praying, “See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23).

3. Confess Sins Immediately

We all know it’s important to wipe up spills as soon as they happen. Similarly, we should address anything we notice wrong immediately. For example, the instant we have an envious thought, we can confess it and replace it with thanksgiving for what we have. The Apostle John said, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Confessing immediately is like wiping up a spill as soon as we see it.

4. Get Help from Experienced Mentors

Our 25-year old countertop tiles are cracked and the grout is chipped and discolored beyond bleach’s power. While we could retile ourselves, rather than continuing to battle grout, we plan to hire an experienced installer to put in a solid surface. In the same way, if we continue to battle a particular weakness, it may be time to get experienced help in the form of an accountability partner, a counselor, or an addiction recovery program.

5. Rejoice in God’s Mercy

After I finished scrubbing my kitchen under the bright new lights, I stood back and admired how the mixer and glass canisters sparkled. In the same way, when we’ve acknowledged and repented of our sins, we should recognize that God has forgiven us and washed us clean.

We should never try to punish ourselves because that shows a lack of faith that Jesus’ work on the cross was enough to cleanse us. Nor should we berate ourselves as bad, for God said, “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean” (Acts 10:15). We should accept God’s forgiveness and move forward. After all, “whoever lacks” virtue, godliness, etc.,  “is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins” (2 Peter 19).

The blood of Jesus purifies us from all sin. That’s something to rejoice about!

How do we stop drifting from God's light where we can see spiritual grime? Share on X
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The Sea Monster of Envy

Angry, I marched into my co-worker’s gray cubicle and ducked behind its low wall so I wouldn’t be overheard. “They promoted the less-qualified person just because they promised her before we were hired.”

Painting of sea monter by Justin Sweet

"The Eye of Charon" by Justin Sweet. Copyright Justin Sweet. Used by permission.

Her brows furrowed. “Don’t say that! You don’t know their criteria.”

I winced—she was right.

While it was true that the director had told me I was more technically skilled than the gal he’d promoted and his decision was based partly on the VP’s prior promise to the team’s senior member, he also said that those weren’t the only factors considered. He gave me a promotion and raise (“The technical tract is just as important as the managerial tract,” he said), but that didn’t mollify my disappointment much because, frankly, covetousness had seeped in like brackish water and a swirling green serpent now swam in its depths.

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? We want something—badly. Perhaps a job promotion we’re sure we’re the best for, or a perfect new something we can’t quite afford, or the shining honor, or the relationship with someone special. We’re sure we deserve it, but someone else gets it instead.

And envy slithers into the cold murky water of craving and lifts its searching eyes.

That’s a problem that needs addressing quickly: “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice” (James 3:16).

So how do we conquer the sea monster of Envy before its ravenous jaws devour?

1) Repent

Craving what belongs to someone else is coveting, and God’s finger etched “You shall not covet” onto a stone tablet. Envy is sin too because love doesn’t envy (1Co. 13:4). So every time I feel an envious urge, I ask God to forgive both my covetousness and my envy; I pray for his help; and I ask for deliverance from spiritual enemies eager to use my frailty for discord.

2) Dump the “I Deserve More” Attitude

Since God is the ultimate Boss, I know I deserve nothing he doesn’t give me. (Even what I might “deserve” is due only to gifts he’s given me anyway.) Besides, God tells me not to seek earthly honors, but rather to seek honor from him. Phil. 2:3 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” In my situation, that didn’t mean I should consider my new boss’s programming skills better than mine (she wasn’t a programmer), but it did mean I should consider her more worthy of honor. I committed myself to respect, honor, and support her.

3) Submit to God

God could have worked it out for me to get the position, but he didn’t. So I submitted to his will and trusted that he had me where he wanted me to be, and when he wanted me elsewhere, he’d work out the details. He promises that if I seek his kingdom and his righteousness first, he’ll give me everything else I need (Mat. 6:33), so I made those my focus. I did the best job I could, and I looked for ways to further his kingdom.

After all, I work for God. Whether I’m successful doesn’t depend on the world’s standard of elevated position, but whether I’m doing my best for God in whatever position I find myself, even if it’s lowly (2Co. 10). After all, Jesus said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all” (Mk. 9:34).

4) Don’t Think Too Highly of Myself

We all know people with unjustifiably high opinions of themselves. In humbling times, it’s good to examine whether we’re following Paul’s command: “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment” (Rom. 12:3). While it was true I had better technical skills and a mite bit more management experience, when I thought about it, I realized that didn’t mean I would be better at this job. She definitely had stronger relationships throughout the company, and, well, she took things in stride better than I.

5) Pray for the Success of Those I’ve Envied

When the Babylonians took the Jews captive, Jeremiah told the exiles to pray for the prosperity of their new city, for if it prospered, so would they (Jer. 29:7). What? Pray for the nation whose might they envied despite the fact that the Babylonians were wicked and undeserving? Yes, that’s what God said. I began praying for my new boss to succeed. I quickly learned that praying for the success of someone I’ve envied transforms my attitude.

In fact, while it was important in that secular job, it’s even more important in ministry. God calls each of us to play a part in the big scheme of what he’s doing in the world, and praying for others’ success in what God calls them to do focuses our eyes on God’s kingdom, not our own. After all, that’s our purpose in his kingdom, isn’t it?

Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. ~1 Peter 2:1

What helps you dispel envy?

 

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Jesus & the Timid Woman

What can we learn from Jesus about making people feel valued, especially in small groups? Plenty—especially from the way he treated a woman too shy to speak to him.

She wasn’t ready to open up

Jesus was on his way to heal the daughter of an important man, Jairus. Jairus was a synagogue ruler, while this woman hiding in the crowd hadn’t been to synagogue in twelve years. She couldn’t—not with this bleeding problem that made her “unclean.” Any place she sat became unclean too, so she didn’t get out much.

She couldn’t get up the nerve to talk to Jesus. After all, who would be interested in a penniless woman who wasn’t the daughter of anyone special?

The crowd pressed all around him. She really shouldn’t have been there in her state, but she longed for healing. She’d been ostracized for so long. She needn’t bother him, after all: she’d just slip in from behind, touch his cloak—that’s all it would take, she was sure—and then disappear among the multitude. No one would notice.

But someone did.

Jesus felt power going out of him and knew someone had touched him and been healed, someone who wouldn’t venture to ask for healing. But healing her physically wasn’t enough. He turned and called out, “Who touched my clothes?”

She didn’t answer. Perhaps she froze in confusion, thoughts racing through her mind. Will he be angry I touched him when I’m unclean? Jairus and all the important people must be furious at this delay! What will everyone think if I speak up?

Talkative people exuberantly move from one subject to another

Not hearing an immediate answer, Jesus’ disciples wanted to move on. But Jesus didn’t. He kept looking around.

She finally spoke up, shaking with fear. She may have stumbled over her words, felt the warmth of a blush on her face, winced as it turned to red-hot burning.

Jesus listened to the whole story: she had bled for twelve long years and spent all her money on doctors, but only gotten worse. When she heard Jesus was near, she thought if she could just touch his clothes, she could be free without bothering him. She had touched his cloak and felt healed immediately.

Jesus gave her his full attention, as if he thought her words important. This made the crowds acknowledge her and give her their full attention too. Everyone is looking at me! She glanced up and saw gentle eyes, eyes that bade her talk. And a kind smile that told her all was well. She locked her eyes on his.

People blossom when they feel valued & accepted

After Jesus listened, he called her “daughter”! Yes, “daughter.” She who hadn’t been the daughter of someone important like a synagogue ruler, was now being called daughter by this great man. What did it mean?

He said her faith had healed her and to go in peace. So he wasn’t mad. No, he was pleased she had approached him. She, a woman of no consequence who dared but touch his garment unnoticed, had been noticed, healed, and freed.

She smiled shyly and looked around. She saw compassion in the faces of tenderhearted people. She hadn’t expected this.

“Be freed from your suffering,” he said. Yes, she was free. She knew it!  Free not just from sickness, but from feeling alone, forgotten, and inconsequential.

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If you’re not shy:

  • You can look around—like Jesus did—to find that man standing alone at church and the woman sitting quietly at a gathering.
  • Draw others out and listen to their stories.
  • Let others know they’re family and they’re valued.

If you’re shy:

  • Take heart from Jesus’ tenderness towards the timid woman.
  • The thoughtful statements of the more quiet are often insightful, so go ahead, take courage, and speak.
  • Know that shyness makes you no less valuable: a family needs members with all kinds of gifts, including the quiet gifts.
  • Go in peace, for you matter greatly to Jesus.

If you’re a small group leader:

  • You can imitate Jesus by looking around for the quiet people who take a little longer to speak up and encouraging them with a smile.
  • Help the talkative people not rush ahead when there’s a pause; show you’re not afraid of silence so they won’t be either.
  • Give those sharing your full attention—that shows you value both them and what they have to say; it also encourages others to do the same.
  • Treat all like family—after all, that’s what they are.
  • When people share something self-disclosing, let them know later privately how appreciative you are and how their courage will help others—it will give them peace and free them from the second guessing that all but the most self-assured feel.

At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’“ But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” ~Mark 5:30-34 

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Speaking the Truth in Love

My friend Moshelle Carlson gave a talk last week about speaking the truth in love to family and friends with whom we have enduring relationships. It was based on principles she learned from her training as a premarital counselor.

Haman, King Xerxes and Queen Esther at Esther's banquet
Rembrandt’s “Ahasuerus and Haman at the Feast of Esther,” 1660 (public domain)

It wasn’t just her insights and clear illustrations that grabbed me (though these were impressive): it was the way she hooked her points into a familiar story from the book of Esther, thus making them easy to remember. Moshelle doesn’t blog, so she let me write a summary.

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Remember God changes hearts, not you

Queen Esther was in what seemed an impossible situation. King Xerxes (also known as Ahasuerus) had signed an edict allowing the Jews’ enemies to annihilate them. She needed to talk to the king, but he hadn’t called for her in a month. To approach him without being called brought the death penalty—unless the king extended his gold scepter to her. Esther couldn’t change the heart of King Xerxes. In fact, as the story progresses, we discover that God moved invisibly behind the scenes to prepare his heart to receive her message.

If we don’t remember that only God changes hearts, we may speak too quickly because we’re trying to change someone. Or we may not speak at all because we’re convinced the situation is impossible and the person won’t listen.

Pray and perhaps fast

Before Esther approached the king, she fasted three days—she didn’t send up an arrow prayer. She asked those close to her to fast too.

Because only God changes hearts, we must pray and sometimes even fast before approaching someone. Bathing a situation in prayer causes us to rely on God to work. It also prepares us for what God might want to change in us.

Make sure the needs of the other person are met first

Dressed in royal robes, Esther stood in the palace’s glittering inner court and waited. Xerxes saw her, was pleased, and held out the gold scepter, thus sparing her life and allowing her to approach. When he asked what she wanted, she didn’t blurt everything out immediately. Instead, she asked him to a banquet where they could feast and then talk. They’d been apart a month, so they needed to reconnect before tackling a tough topic.

She invited him to a relaxing banquet. After dining, the king asked again what she wanted. Perhaps fasting had prepared her so she could sense the time wasn’t right.  She delayed answering and invited him to another banquet the next day, promising to tell the king her wish then. It was between the two banquets that God worked and prepared the king’s heart for her words. The king, unable to sleep, had a record of his reign read to him and so discovered he had never rewarded Esther’s cousin for uncovering a treacherous and treasonous plot.

When we need to speak the truth in love to someone, we should make sure their needs are met first. If the other person’s tired or feeling overworked, it’s not a good time. If either person feels rushed, the moment’s not right—speaking the truth in love requires plenty of uninterrupted time to listen, talk, clarify, and make sure there are no misunderstandings. Meeting their needs shows our intentions come from love.

Speak with love

At the second banquet, Esther waited for the king to ask her what she wanted. When she answered, she didn’t blame him or attack his decisions, even though he was the one who had signed the decree. She didn’t say, “What’s wrong is the way you listen to lame friends and then make stupid decisions!” Instead, she honored him by saying, “If it pleases you.” She respected him by explaining, “I wouldn’t have bothered you if it were just that my people had been sold into slavery.” She stated her desire simply: “Grant me my life and spare my people.” When the king asked who had endangered her life, she pointed to Haman, the instigator of the plot, but not the king.

In the same way, we need to speak to people in a loving, respectful manner, explaining the facts accurately, but without attacking, and making our requests kindly, with an “if it pleases you” attitude.

Then the king asked, “What is it, Queen Esther? What is your request? Even up to half the kingdom, it will be given you.” “If it pleases the king,” replied Esther, “let the king, together with Haman, come today to a banquet I have prepared for him.” ~Esther 5:3-4

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Harrowing Heights

Heights don’t usually affect me. But a week ago Sunday on the way home from Arizona, we got caught in an I-10 closure. We decided to swap the 5-hour crawl for a 2-hour adventure. We turned our dusty CRV around and headed back to Palm Springs. There we found a bougainvillea-lined alternate route (Hwy. 74) leading from flat sandy desert to towering mountain peaks. Why not? We had 4-wheel drive.

A different plunging view

The serpentine climb steepened quickly. I smiled—until we rounded a shoulder-less hairpin turn and I glanced down. Just beyond the dented silver guardrail, a dizzying plunge of speckled red rock set my heart racing.

I quickly looked away. Although I wasn’t driving, I kept my eyes on the road through the rest of the tight switchbacks, many of which lacked guardrails. Finally, the road broadened enough to allow for rocky shoulders and it felt safe enough to look around.

The route was stunning. Crimson blossoms topped bronzed foliage; tiny lemon-yellow flowers danced on gray-green stems; and withered cactus flowers waved atop tall spires. These suddenly gave way to pine trees with prickly needles looking like green pins protruding from brown pincushions. Once over the range, the road wound down among broadleaved trees and sprawling cattle ranches. At dusk we entered the lush horse and wine valley of Temecula. An hour later we pulled into our driveway, watched the aging garage door creak open, parked, and stepped out of the car onto stiff, aching legs. We were home in time for dinner.

Life can sometimes take us on an adrenaline-rushing detour with harrowing heights where we must keep our eyes focused, not on the path, but on the One who knows the path and leads the way.

I remember one such side trip when my husband Clay was diagnosed as having an aggressive form of cancer.

Foolishly, I Googled the hospital’s diagnosis and read it had 100% fatality within two years. That was a hairpin turn with a harrowing drop. I closed my browser. Clay had to back out of a teaching contract that conflicted with surgery, and finances became another potential plummet. In fact, we maneuvered through one tricky turn after another.

I had to fix my eyes on Jesus and deal with each day’s challenges as they came, forgetting about the earthly future and keeping in mind eternal hope.

Clay will write on his ordeal one day, so all I’ll say now is that the first diagnosis was mistaken: the cancer was slow growing and treatable. He’s been cancer-free now for eight years.

As on the road trip, once we were over the highest mountaintop, the scenery changed quickly and often. Another employer offered Clay work he could do from home as he recuperated. It took time to recover financially, but we managed. The cancer gave his writing and teaching on why God allows evil greater authority—the fertile valley unseen from the backside of the initial peaks.

We haven’t reached our ultimate destination yet—that won’t happen in this lifetime. But we will be there in time for dinner.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ~Hebrews 12:2

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Our Exiles

Barren desertIn 586 BC, the walls protecting Jerusalem fell to Nebuchadnezzar, ruler of Babylon. Nebuchadnezzar torched the temple of God and deported the remaining inhabitants to Babylon. The people of Israel lost their land, their temple, and their kingdom.

And they cried out, Why?

When we examine the lives of the people forced to endure the fall of Jerusalem and exile, sometimes through no fault of their own, we glean from them how God wants us to act in our personal times of exile—times when we, like the people of Israel, are pushed out of home, marriage, family, friendships, job, or ministry; times when must leave the familiar and embrace the strange; times when we suffer a loss of identity and purpose. When we look carefully, we begin to understand why, in the big picture, God allows times of despair and loss in our lives. We see the hope of restoration that God offered Israel, and offers us today. For in the midst of great calamity, God was able to tell His people:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future—Jeremiah 29:11

Heroes

The prophets forewarned that the bloodshed and oppression abounding in the kingdom would lead to its fall. While the overwhelming majority of the kingdom had abandoned God and His ways, there were some who remained faithful, but were nonetheless affected by the consequences of others’ actions.

From dire times heroes can emerge, and the exile had its share. These courageous champions passed through great difficulties, but God used each mightily as they faithfully served Him in their time of trouble.

Daniel was pulled from his home as a youth and compelled to live with strangers. Later, co-workers jealous of his professional successes tried to bring him down, but his righteousness and faith in spite of hardship brought renown to both himself and God.

Ebed-melech risked everything to stand up to authorities and rescue the persecuted (Jeremiah 38-39).

Ezekiel was on the verge of entering the profession he had spent 30 years preparing for when he was forced to move to a new country where that profession was useless. There his beloved wife died. God used him greatly to instruct and comfort others.

Habakkuk cried out to know why God allowed injustice. At first he argued passionately against God’s methods, but came to trust God’s bigger plan to stop wickedness. He encouraged others through song.

Jeremiah suffered for warning others against disobeying God. His beliefs made him so unpopular even his family and friends deserted him. Later, he survived his city’s devastation and comforted others with poetry and a promise of hope.

Josiah reversed many of the wrongs his family had done. He helped many through his zealous reforms and forestalled coming disaster (2 Kings 21-23; 2 Chronicles 34-35).

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were friends who obeyed God even when it looked like it might cost them their lives (Daniel 3).

These heroes of faith continue to inspire and encourage through the years when we face our exiles. They remind us that we are not alone in our trials, and they show us how to live courageous faith today.

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Tell Yourself the Truth to Feel Better

Paul described himself as a servant of Christ Jesus, and the Philippians as saints (Phil 1:1). How we choose to think about ourselves affects our peace and joy. Describing ourselves in ways that give us no hope for change—“I’m such a loser”—causes discouragement and robs us of joy. On the other hand, describing ourselves as better than we actually are—“I’m the best employee here”—conflicts with reality and those conflicts disrupt peace.

Bird on multi-colored rose

“Are you not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 6:26

Seeing ourselves the way God sees us gives us hope because we are assured of His acceptance and continued work.

If we forget our calling and put our identity in earthly things—appearance, positions, possessions, proficiencies—we’ll miss our purpose and be subject to fickle circumstances that can snatch those things away. Seeing ourselves as God does—servants of Christ and dearly loved children whom God is bringing to maturity—brings hope, joy, and peace.

What are some of the ways you describe yourself? How does telling yourself these things make you feel? How does it affect your actions?

If you’re telling yourself joy-robbing, peace-disrupting, hope-destroying statements, consider trying two things for a week. First, every time you are about to describe yourself in one of these ways, stop and tell yourself this: “I am a servant of Jesus Christ and a dearly loved child of God; He is completing a good work in me” (1Co. 4:1, Col. 3:12, Phil. 1:6). Repeat this often to yourself, letting the words soak in.

Second, begin memorizing the verses this statement is based upon, beginning with this one:

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 1:6

Tell yourself the truth! You’ll feel better.

Adapted from Philippians: Steps to Joy & Peace (forthcoming).

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