Encouragement in the spiritual life

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4 Sins that Require Faith to Forgive

How do we take hold of faith to forgive when forgiving is tough? Part 4 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Some sins are relatively easy to forgive: unintentional sins and minor wrongs, for instance. Other sins are much harder. Here are four that require faith to forgive.

It takes Faith to Forgive Sins that Cause Great Loss

When we lose possessions, relationships, health, or dreams because of someone’s sin, we’ll need faith to forgive: faith that we cannot lose anything of eternal value. Our heavenly treasures can be neither stolen nor destroyed (Matthew 6:19-21).

Martyrs had faith to forgive

Many early Christians lost everything (Konstantin Flavitsky, 1862, public domain)

I once lost a position after someone lied about me; I also lost relationships. I had to in faith believe that our losses and hurts here will not harm us in ways God cannot redeem. After all, God does work all things together for our good (Romans 8:28). Indeed, when we suffer loss and hardship with faith, we gain an eternal reward (1 Peter 1:6-7; 2 Corinthians 4:17).

Our earthly losses are losses of temporal things only. We must let them go, for holding onto grudges over things lost makes those things idols raised above obeying God. Because of their faith, the first Christians “joyfully accepted” the plundering of their property because they knew that they “had a better possession and an abiding one” in the life to come (Hebrews 10:34).

It takes Faith to Forgive Malicious Slander

False and malicious slander is a fiery dart in the hand of the jealous, the power hungry, the fame seeker, the revenge taker, and the self-justifier. When aimed at us, we need faith to forgive: faith that believes only God’s opinion matters. Like Paul, we must consider others’ judgments “a very small thing” (1 Corinthians 4:1-5).

False witnesses accuse Jesus before the ruling council (José Madrazo, 1803, public domain)

A leader who believed the lies I mentioned above expressed harsh words about me. I memorized and quoted 1 Corinthians 4:1-5 regularly. I imagined myself holding up a giant shield of faith between me and the fiery darts of his judgments. The shield extinguished the darts, blocked them from piercing me, and moved my eyes from them onto our Redeemer.

Jesus warned that we would be unfairly maligned: “If the head of the house has been called Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household! So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known” (Matthew 10:25-26). We don’t need to harbor unforgiveness because God can and will reveal the truth. His timing is perfect, even if the truth isn’t revealed till the Judgment.

It takes Faith to Forgive Wrongs Committed Over and Over and OVER

When family members or friends apologize, but keep doing the same things, they appear insincere. After all, repentance means trying to change. It takes faith to forgive repeatedly. In fact, when Jesus told the apostles they must forgive others over and over, they responded, “Increase our faith!” (Luke 17:3-5).

Jesus had faith to forgive Peter denying him 3 times

Peter denied Jesus 3 times (Carl Heinrich Bloch, 1873, public domain)

I doubt there’s anyone who hasn’t faced repeated wrongs. When my husband and I were dating, we agreed to never bring up a past wrong once we’ve said, “I forgive you.” To respond to an apology with, “But this is the fifth time,” is not loving, for love “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Besides, bringing up past offenses separates even close friends, while putting forgiven faults behind us seeks love (Proverbs 17:9).

To forgive, I have to let go of that part of me which protests, “If she really cared, she wouldn’t keep doing this,” because how much someone loves me isn’t the point. That’s between her and God. My relationships aren’t about other people being what I want them to be: They’re about me being what God wants me to be.

Moreover, haven’t we all come to God confessing the same thing over and over again? We must grant the mercy we wish to receive. Only God knows the heart—which is why my part is to forgive and leave ultimate justice to God.

It takes Faith to Forgive Betrayal

Who hasn’t been betrayed by someone trusted? When we’re betrayed, it takes faith to forgive: faith that believes God rewards repaying hatred with love. Jesus calls us to love our enemies, do good to them, bless them, and pray for them, for God will greatly reward us (Luke 6:27-35).

Joseph had faith to forgive his brothers' betrayal

Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery (Konstantin Flavitsky, 1855, public domain)

When betrayed, we must remember no one can circumvent God’s good plans for us (Romans 8:28-31). After I learned that my mother knew her sins against me and my siblings were wrong, I prayed for insight into why the anger held on even though I’d tried to forgive her.

My Right?

It struck me that part of the reason is that I had considered parental love and goodness a right. God commands them, to be sure. But God had adopted me and I had a new, perfect Parent who was giving me all I needed: “Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close” (Psalm 27:10).

Beyond God’s Redemption?

I pondered further. Had I lost anything that God couldn’t work for good? No, Joseph’s story showed that (Genesis 50:20), and I’d already seen some good come from it in that others with similar backgrounds were more open to talk to me about Christ. Had I lost anything of eternal worth? No, heavenly treasures can’t be destroyed or stolen (Matthew 6:19-20). Everything that’s of this earth alone will pass away, so if I haven’t lost anything of eternal worth, then in the long run I haven’t actually lost anything.

A Prayer of Faith

In faith I chose to believe that God could use my mother’s betrayal for good, not just for me, but also for others (2 Corinthians 1:4). I prayed, “God, I trust you to work my mother’s wrongs for good for me, my siblings, and others. Keep the three of us from repeating her sins. Thank you for opening my eyes to know you. Thank you for the ways I’ve already seen you work good from my past.”

The anger finally began to subside.

Yet for this betrayal, I needed one more step. That’s the topic of my next post.

4 sins that take faith to forgive Share on X How do we take hold of faith to forgive when forgiving is tough? Share on X It takes faith to forgive betrayal Share on X
Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness
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How Confessing and Forgiving are Inseparable

To forgive, combine confessing and forgiving as Jesus taught. Part 3 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Jesus said something astonishing in the Lord’s Prayer about confessing and forgiving. He said we should pray,

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Matthew 6:12

In so doing, he linked confessing and forgiving. He followed up with this:

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14–15

New Testament scholar D. A. Carson says, “There is no forgiveness for the one who does not forgive. How could it be otherwise? His unforgiving spirit bears strong witness to the fact that he has never repented” (Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount and His Confrontation with the World, 75).

Confessing and forgiving in "Return of the Prodigal Son"

A wayward son finds forgiveness and his father’s embrace in “Return of the Prodigal Son” by Rembrandt Harmensz van Rijn (circa 1668)

Confessing and forgiving are strongly connected. True repentance is the necessary path to true forgiveness, for those who haven’t honestly and deeply repented of their own sins lack the capacity to forgive others.

Previously

In my last two posts, I discussed what forgiving isn’t and said that the first step towards forgiving is committing to forgive. I began the story of how I realized that I had been excusing my mother’s sin by saying, “I forgive her because she doesn’t know better.” When the fact that she had known better bowled over my excuses, I felt betrayed. Rage overcame me. Instead of excusing sin, I needed to do the much harder job of forgiving sin.

Confessing and Forgiving Come Before Confronting

When we’ve committed to forgive, the next step is not confronting those who’ve sinned against us in the hope they’ll apologize and make forgiving easier. Tim Keller explains why: “Only if you first seek inner forgiveness will your confrontation be temperate, wise, and gracious. Only when you have lost the need to see the other person hurt will you have any chance of actually bringing about change, reconciliation, and healing” (The Reason for God, 197). Yes, Jesus said to talk to Christians who’ve sinned against us (Matthew 18), but we must forgive first.

The next step is to pray to forgive in the way Jesus taught: “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). The prayer’s order is essential: confessing and forgiving.

Confessing and Forgiving: “Forgive Us our Debts”

When I need to forgive someone, I begin by confessing my own sins. This reminds me of the grace I need and thus prepares my heart to offer grace. Without regular confession, pride slithers in, and pride doesn’t forgive.

1) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal Recent Sins

I ask the Holy Spirit to reveal my sins, and then I allow my mind to skim over the events of the last day or so. If anything causes a twitch in my conscience, then I stop and ask the Holy Spirit to show me if I’ve done wrong. I ask him to remind me of verses that might apply.

If I’ve sinned, then I name the sin and confess it to my heavenly Father along with a Scripture that applies: “Father, I took up a reproach against Kathy. But Psalm 15 says those who draw near to you must not take up a reproach against a friend. I confess this was wrong and I ask for your forgiveness.”

It’s important to name the sin so I don’t treat it lightly.

2) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal Similar Sins

Jesus taught confessing and forgiving

The Hundred Guilder Print, by Rembrandt

Next I ask the Holy Spirit to show me if I’ve ever committed the same sin I’m about to forgive. Most often I have. If not, I look for similar sins.

With my mother, some offenses I had surely repeated, but no, I’d never committed some of the worse offenses. I had, however, intentionally hurt others. One example rushed to mind: at twelve I lied to my friend Kathy’s mother to get her in trouble.

Initially, I wanted to excuse this because I was retaliating. She had told our schoolmates that she had seen my mother hitting my head as I tried to get out the door on the way to school. She told them that there must be something terribly wrong about me for my mother to hate me like that. I was furious and wanted to pay her back by proving her mother hated her too. Was that a good excuse? No. God judges us by how we judge others, not how we judge ourselves. I had intentionally tried to hurt someone. I needed grace, and I needed to give it.

Besides, retaliation is itself a sin. Kathy may have hurt me unintentionally when she gossiped (at twelve, she may not have known her words would wound). But I believed it wrong; when I retaliated, I did what I believed was wrong. That’s always sin:

For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.
Romans 2:1

3) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal Associated Sins

I ask the Holy Spirit if I have sinned in any way that is associated with the sin of the person I want to forgive. For instance, if there was a disagreement, did I misspeak in any way? If so, I need to not only confess that to God, but I need to apologize to the person for my part in the difficulty, no matter how small.

In the case of my mother, at the moment I discovered she had known her actions were wrong I hadn’t reacted in any sinful way. But something was nagging me about Kathy. I remembered that when my mother saw Kathy watching her, she ducked behind the kitchen cabinets. I had realized then that she knew her actions were wrong. There was another time, too, when a security guard threatened to call the police if he ever saw her speed around hairpin mountain roads with us in the back of the car again: she turned red and hung her head in shame.

Speaking Truth in the Heart

In my heart, I had known she wronged us intentionally. Why then had I grabbed so quickly to my teacher’s explanation that abusive parents were either ignorant or abused? Besides, it didn’t even make sense biblically. Jealousy drove Cain to kill Abel, not ignorance or wrongful hurts. My teacher was wrong: ignorance and hurt aren’t the only reasons people hurt others; we can, like Cain, choose sin.

I’d lied to myself and to God. Why? Partly because I held the false belief that thinking bad things about people made me a horrible person. But also because I believed good Christians forgive and good Christians aren’t filled with rage. Clinging to the lie pushed the anger underground and let me believe I was a good Christian doing the right thing.

I confessed my lie and the presence of anger and rage I knew shouldn’t be there.

My prayers changed that day: I started examining my emotions as I prayed so I could be utterly honest about what was inside me. Such honest prayer was humbling: it forced me to admit I’d thought too highly of myself.

Confessing and Forgiving: “As We Forgive our Debtors”

When I’ve confessed my sins, I pray, “Forgive me my sins as I forgive those who sin against me.” Then in prayer I move to forgive those who’ve sinned against me.

1) Ask the Holy Spirit to Reveal the Truth about What I’m Forgiving

Rather than brushing all sin under the carpet of unintentional, I now try to understand whether the evidence supports intentional or unintentional sin. Because “Love … believes all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7), I give the person the benefit of the doubt based on the actual evidence. I refuse to judge hidden motives:

Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts
1 Corinthians 4:5

This helps me forgive what actually happened. Forgiving something that didn’t happen isn’t true forgiving. Scripture calls sin a debt, and we can err on both sides of the debt equation. If someone owes me $1,000 dollars and I accuse her of owing me $10,000, then I will have a difficult time forgiving because doing so demands that I hold to a fantasy of having been wronged more than I have. On the other hand, If someone owes me $1,000 and I offer forgiveness for $100, the hundred is easier to forgive, but it requires I hold to the lie that the other $900 wasn’t taken.

Christ preaching on confessing and forgiving

Christ Preaching (La Petite Tombe), by Rembrandt

Either way, the truth has a way of poking through lies.

Those who wish to dwell with God must speak truth in their hearts (Psalm 15:2). If what we’re forgiving is unintentional sin, then we must forgive it as such. If we’re forgiving intentional, even malicious, sin, as much as it hurts, we must acknowledge it.

2) Name the Person and the Sin

When in prayer I forgive someone, I name the person and the sin:

  • “God, I forgive Kathy for gossiping about me”
  • “I forgive my mother for driving at high speeds around hairpin turns while drunk with us in the backseat”

Naming people individually keeps me from letting this be a flippant exercise rather than part of worship. Naming the sin ensures that what I’m forgiving is an actual sin. If I cannot name the sin according to what it’s called in the Bible, then I confess that I have held something against someone that was not a sin and ask the Holy Spirit to show me why I’ve done so. Naming the actual sin often leads to meditation on why God calls that action sin. It also leads me to the next prayer part.

Confessing and Forgiving: Ask God to Forgive Me as I Forgive

I then ask God to forgive me as I forgive this person: “I forgive my mother as I want you to forgive me; I give her the grace you’ve given me.”

This prayer does not mean forgiving others causes God to forgive me, as if I must pay for forgiveness (a paltry payment indeed, compared to what really bought my forgiveness). Rather, it reminds me of what my Lord wants me to do so I may do it at once.

***

In most cases, confessing and forgiving as I’ve outlined here is all I need do. But if I’ve suffered a great loss, I must pray three more prayers.

Confessing and forgiving are linked because true forgiving requires true repentance Share on X
Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness
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Must I Forgive THIS Sin?

The first step towards forgiving is committing to forgive, but to do that, I need to know: must I forgive this offense? Part 2 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

In my last post on What Forgiving Isn’t, I shared six substitutes that masquerade as forgiving, but which merely manage emotions for a time. Forgiving deliberate sins that cause significant hurt and loss can be difficult, but it’s possible with the Holy Spirit’s help.

My first real struggle with forgiving came in my twenties with the sudden revelation that my mother had known her hatred and mistreatment were wrong. For years I had prayed, “I forgive her because she doesn’t know better.” I thought I had forgiven her because this prayer immediately eased the anger and hurt. But the revelation that she knew better crashed into the fence of excuses I’d used to corral my emotions, and now anger, hurt, jealousy, and rage galloped over me like wild horses.

I tried telling God, “I forgive her,” but the tumultuous emotions wouldn’t go away. I wondered if it were possible to forgive and still be angry.

The first step towards forgiving when forgiving is hard is making a commitment to forgive. But before we can make such a commitment, we need to know if we need to forgive.

Must I Forgive If I’ve tried But I’m Still Angry?

I truly thought I’d forgiven. But had I? Was saying “I forgive” enough?

I looked at Scriptures about anger. Ephesians 4:31 said, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Truth be told, I was filled with rage and anger, possibly even bitterness and malice. I tried to get rid of it by emotionally thrusting it away, but it wouldn’t go.

Must I forgive? Ephesians says yes

Ephesians 4:32

I read the next verse: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” It was easy to be compassionate when I thought she didn’t know better, but how was I to be compassionate towards someone who had intentionally wronged my siblings and me? Yet this verse juxtaposed compassion and forgiving with rage and anger. It didn’t look like I could claim I’d forgiven.

Besides, a few verses earlier said, “’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (v. 26). This anger had built up over years.

While it’s true that it takes time for emotions to calm after a loss, the level of anger made me sure I hadn’t yet forgiven from the heart.

A thought occurred to me and I asked God, Must I forgive? I looked at different situations.

Must I Forgive What the Bible Doesn’t Call Sin?

No, the presence of hurt or anger doesn’t necessarily mean someone has sinned against me. If something’s not sinful, I need to overlook it. For example, I might not like it that two of my girlfriends had lunch without me, but they didn’t sin.

We should also pray for the Holy Spirit to show us why we’re offended over something not wrong; it might be that what’s wrong is in us rather than the other person: impatience, pride, poor planning skills. For instance, if I’m bothered that a friend corrected me, I probably should confess pride and pray for the wisdom to take correction graciously: “Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8).

Must I Forgive Unintentional Sin?

Jesus taught that unintentional sins are lesser sins than intentional sins: “And that servant who knew his master’s will but did not get ready or act according to his will, will receive a severe beating. But the one who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, will receive a light beating. Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more” (Luke 12:47-48).

So unintentional sins—sins of ignorance and sins of weakness—are still sins, and yes, we must forgive them, not excuse or ignore them.

Must I Forgive Repeated Sin?

“But he’s done it over and over again! He says he’s sorry, but he’s not changing so how I can I believe him?” Many spouses bring this one up.

Mk11_25They’re in good company. After Jesus taught about restoring a believer who has sinned against you, Peter went to Jesus and asked how often he had to forgive: “Seven times?” Jesus answered, “Seventy-seven!” Then he told the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. The bottom line is that if we’re grateful for the mercy God has shown us, then we must show mercy to others because the debt we owe God far exceeds the debt others owe us (Matthew 18:21–35).

Besides, how many of us haven’t repeated the same sins we’ve confessed many times before? If we want God’s mercy, others must have ours.

Must I Forgive Deliberate Sin?

Yes. Jesus never said to forgive only unintentional sins. He said, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15).

Must I Forgive Unrepentant Sin?

My mother wasn’t repentant. In fact, she still threw verbal darts. Did I need to forgive her?

I searched my Bible for the answer. Although a couple passages talked about forgiving the repentant, others spoke about forgiving all sin: “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too” (Mark 11:25). It seemed that even if we ended relationship with someone unrepentant, we must still forgive in some sense. I didn’t know in what sense yet.

But I did know I had to get rid of the bitterness and anger, and forgiving seemed the only way.

Out of sheer obedience, I prayed, “Father, I forgive her.” The anger remained, but I knew my willingness pleased God. I committed to finding a way to forgive, trusting that the God who made me willing to change would also make me able (Philippians 2:13).

The first step towards forgiving is committing to forgive Share on X Must I forgive? Six situations examined. Share on X
Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness
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What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving

Forgiving isn’t always what we think it is. Part 1 of “Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions.”

Forgiving isn’t managing emotions. Most Christians know Jesus taught that we must forgive. But when anger and hurt linger, we sometimes turn to forgiveness substitutes that merely manage our emotions—and not all that well.

Here are five stand-ins that masquerade as forgiveness.

Forgiving Isn’t Pretending

One of my most vivid, recurring nightmares was about me lying in my bed as a man and woman quietly opened the door to my bedroom to see if I were asleep. In the nightmare, I watched them through nearly closed eyes as I pretended to sleep, repeating over and over again in my head, “I’ve got to pretend I didn’t hear or they’ll kill me; I’ve got to pretend I don’t remember or they’ll kill me.”

Our childhood home was violent. Pretending nothing happened was required.

But pretending nothing happened isn’t forgiving because forgiving is always based on truth.

When I started dating Clay, I brought the habit of pretending into our relationship. He’d ask if something were wrong and I’d respond, “No, everything is fine.” I thought telling myself everything was fine and making myself believe everything was fine was the same as being fine. Clay never let it pass and always probed. I’d be surprised at the anger that would come out when I tried to talk about things: obviously, everything wasn’t fine.

God wants us to speak truth in our heart (Psalm 15:2, 51:6). Pretending nothing is wrong is not only a lie, it’s a form of holding a grudge. Pretending’s purpose is to make others think you’ve forgotten or forgiven when you haven’t.

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Forgiving Isn’t Forgetting

As with many authors, movies often play in my head. Years ago I was with a group of ministry leaders when a woman spoke up about her struggles with forgiving an abusive mother. She said, “Maybe I just need to forget.”

Immediately in my mind’s eye I saw a raincoat-clad girl begin to climb down from a boat’s deck as the boat swayed gently in a calm sea. She reached the lower deck and entered a tidy, brightly colored room with yellow walls and a painting of a red boat on a calm, blue sea. On the back wall a dark brown curtain covered a closet. The girl went to retrieve something near the closet.

Suddenly the tip of what looked like an octopus tentacle reached out from beneath the curtain and grabbed her ankle. The girl struggled, but quickly broke loose, overturning a chair as she escaped. However, the tentacle—surely a sea monster’s arm—thrashed around, toppling more furniture and knocking the painting askew before retreating behind the curtain.

Forgiving isn't easy

Jesus said we must forgive

That, I thought, is exactly what happens when you try to forget. Life seems calm and tidy, until something happens that brings you too close to the sea monster memory you’re avoiding. That memory disrupts everything.

Shoving Out of Mind Doesn’t Work

I was skilled at shoving things out of my mind. Perhaps it was because our father claimed he could read our minds and would punish us if he found we were thinking anything bad about him. I believed him. At a hair’s-breadth notice, my mind would blank out every negative experience.

In my twenties, another occurrence of my father’s rage triggered an onslaught of memories and all those shoved-down emotions came roaring back with more intensity than I thought possible.

Doesn’t God Forget Sins?

Sometimes I hear someone say that God forgets when he forgives and so should we. God doesn’t give up his omniscience such that every time a pastor preaches on David and Bathsheba, he declares, “What? I didn’t know David sinned!” In the Bible, when God says he’ll “remember” someone’s sins against him, he means he’ll punish them, and when he says he’ll “forget,” he means he will no longer punish. God knows the depth of what he forgives.

Shoving things out of your mind and trying to forget is merely an ineffective way to manage emotions: ineffective because life will trigger memories along with the accompanying emotions now multiplied.

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Forgiving Isn’t Taking the Blame

Victimizers blame their victims. Unless they repent and turn to Christ for forgiveness, how else can they live with their conscience?

I’ve accepted blame I shouldn’t have; I’ve jumped in with a “That’s my fault” plenty of times when it wasn’t true. Sometimes it was because I mistakenly thought something good or neutral to be bad. But other times I was simply hoping to be liked or looking for the easiest way out of conflict.

Jesus paid the price for our sins; he didn’t say he caused them. We can forgive without taking blame that isn’t ours. Knowingly accepting blame we don’t own is deception, not forgiveness. It’s a sign of being a people-pleaser rather than a God-pleaser.

Forgiving Isn’t Taking Revenge

On the other side, I’ve also given blame I should have owned, justifying cutting words because the other person was “more” wrong or was the first to do wrong. This makes forgiving harder because it requires the other person to take more blame than he or she is due, and most people refuse. Besides, God won’t let anyone truly walking with him get away with such nonsense for long.

It may feel like getting back at someone will make you feel better so you can “forgive,” but it won’t. Revenge escalates matters. Revenge—whether responding tit-for-tat, unleashing anger, or back-biting—exacts payment in place of forgiving. It’s also sin (Rom. 12:19, Col. 3:8).

Forgiving Isn’t Excusing

In my pre-teens and teens, I struggled with anger, particularly towards my mother. I longed to know why she hated me. My mom said it was because I’d ruined her life; my dad said it was because he wanted to hurt her so he told her I was smarter than she. Both answers hurt and I wanted something else: an answer that made neither my mom nor me bad people.

At about fifteen, I read the New Testament. I became a Christian in the middle of the Gospel of John. I read what Jesus said about forgiving, so I prayed, “I forgive,” over every hurt that happened.

At sixteen, I took a psychology class. The nice, graying teacher soothingly said that abusive parents were either abused themselves or just didn’t know better. I finally had an answer. I knew my grandparents weren’t abusive (my aunts have since confirmed that), so I hung on to ignorance: it’s easy to forgive someone who doesn’t know better. The anger washed away.

Until nearly a decade later when I sat in her dark living room with my sister and three-year-old nephew. He started whining that he wanted to go home. Both my sister and I jumped to hush him before my mother yelled or hit him.

She stopped us and said, “This house has a rule: No one is to say an unkind word to him.” I jerked back, stunned. She knew better! Jealousy consumed me and I said I had to leave. For years I had corralled all the anger and hurt behind the fence of “She doesn’t know better,” and now that fence had fallen and the emotions galloped out like horses finally freed.

Unintentional sin is much easier to forgive than intentional sin. But telling ourselves that deliberate sin is involuntary just because it makes it easier to forgive isn’t honest. When it comes to intentional wrongs, we must do the much harder job of forgiving without excusing.

What Forgiving Is

So forgiving isn’t pretending, forgetting, taking wrongful blame, taking revenge, or excusing. So what is it then? That topic begins in my next post.

A brief note is due: My father has changed and no longer has bouts of rage. My mother was prone to depression and was an alcoholic. I believe that before she died, she had deep regrets over many things.

Forgiving isn't excusing Share on X When it comes to intentional wrongs, we must do the hard job of forgiving w/o excusing Share on X Are you forgiving or merely managing emotions? Share on X
Forgive Intentional Sin—Don’t Just Manage Emotions | In this series: 
  1. What Forgiving Isn’t: 5 Stand-ins that Masquerade as Forgiving
  2. Must I Forgive THIS Sin?
  3. What Makes Confessing and Forgiving Inseparable
  4. Four Sins that Require Faith to Forgive
  5. The Ultimate Reason Behind Unforgiveness
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God’s Hidden Blessings

Our twenty-one-year-old Green Machine (aka Honda Accord) won’t pass the next California smog test, so we’re car shopping. (We save oodles of money by driving a car till it or Sacramento calls it quits. Since I don’t commute, that can take years.) As we drove into the big parking lots with rows of shiny cars, fluttering flags, and bright signs announcing “New!” and “Deals!,” I favored Honda because this is our second Honda that lasted twenty years with few trips to the shop.

Look for God's hidden blessings

Look for God’s hidden blessings & you’ll find joy

But last week our eleven-year-old silver CRV needed $1200 work to put out an engine light, and today it needs $1600 to fix the air conditioner that gasped, clattered, and died amidst a triple digit heat wave. Thankfully, it perished on a Sunday so driving a black labyrinth of freeways winding through brown and olive-green hills with the windows down and a big barrette clamping my hair back was rather nice. We even made a game out of counting cars with open windows during the thirty-mile drive: There were three.

But while I had forgotten the fun of a weekend open-air drive, I clearly remembered summer weekdays in stop-and-crawl traffic before AC when I would arrive at work with damp hair plastered to my forehead and neck and with the back of my blouse soaked. Yuck. Thankfully, we have the funds, so Clay took it to the Honda dealer first thing this morning and pounded away on his laptop in their chilled waiting room that smelled of coffee and just-baked chocolate chip cookies. (Yes, he indulged.)

The two big repair bills a few days apart made me wonder: Was it really that Hondas are exceptionally well made that we’ve been so blessed with low maintenance costs? Or have I been attributing to a carmaker something that was really God’s hidden blessings during tight times? There’s no way to know for sure how active God was in all of this, of course, though we do know that God takes good care of us.

God’s Hidden Blessings Come Daily

God's hidden blessings

Psalm 71:15 God’s hidden blessings are beyond counting

In fact, Psalm 71:15 tells us that every day God acts for our good in ways we don’t even know about:

My mouth will tell of your righteous acts,
of your deeds of salvation all the day,
for their number is past my knowledge.

This gem is in the middle of an elderly saint’s prayer psalm. He’s walked with God since childhood. He’s met many troubles, and he knows how to pray with hope and praise. He’s described his dilemma, recounted God’s character, and recalled God’s past help.

And something happens: He remembers his purpose is to tell others what God has done for him—a purpose that old age can’t rob from him. He announces how he’s going to do just that, for God does so much for him in twenty-four hours that he doesn’t even know the extent of God’s help!

What faith! The many ways he’s seen God act assures him that God has acted invisibly, too.

Noticing God’s Hidden Blessings

The psalmist’s attitude isn’t natural. It’s easier to forget God when things go well and blame him when things go awry. Ironically, people who are quick to grumble that God didn’t intervene in misfortune seem slowest to acknowledge the divine hand in blessings.

Conversely, those who are attune to God’s blessing begin to see his blessings even in the midst of hardship:

  • Jacob held to God’s promises, despite grief over news of his son’s death. He was unaware the young man was alive and in God’s care.
  • Joseph obeyed God, despite betrayal and false imprisonment. He was oblivious to God’s plan for him to save his family.
  • David sang of God’s faithfulness, despite King Saul’s jealous pursuit. He didn’t know how God would fulfill his promise to make him king.
  • Daniel prayed faithfully, despite the king’s edict against prayer. He wasn’t privy to God’s purpose to use this to proclaim his power throughout the empire.
  • Paul sang hymns, despite imprisonment. He didn’t suspect God planned an earthquake to open the prison doors.
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Am I Missing God’s Hidden Blessings?

So am I oblivious to God’s hidden blessings in my everyday life? When my health is good, do I take it for granted or do I give thanks? When it’s bad, do I complain first or do I thank God for my prior good health? Likewise, when a project goes well, do I congratulate myself on my exceptional foresight, skill, and hard work? Or do I thank God for giving me skills and help? When a project falls apart, do I blame God or do I acknowledge how my past successes may have depended on him?

Praise for God’s Hidden Blessings

The psalmist saw God’s saving hand everywhere. He knew God acted daily in his life. Looking back, he remembered that even when God made him see calamities, God always revived him. He acknowledged that God delivered him more times than he knew. And so he praised God.

Today I pause to thank God for hidden acts:

  • the car parts and house pipes and computer drives that lasted through the recession until funds arrived
  • the dangers avoided during many travels
  • my elderly father-in-law signing over his trust a few weeks before a mini-stroke left him mentally unfit
  • the mistakes I could have made but didn’t
  • the friends and mentors who’ve encouraged and guided

Surely, I do not know the number of his righteous acts, and I give thanks for God’s hidden blessings

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What’s So Good about Royal Psalms?

What is a royal psalm anyway? And why should we care?

Just as today we hear many types of songs—love songs, anthems, lullabies, ballads, odes, rap and more—so the ancient Hebrews heard many types of psalms—royal psalms, wisdom songs, laments, thanksgiving songs, hymns, confidence songs, and more. Knowing a psalm’s type helps us know how to interpret it.

Royal psalms tell us how God intends to destroy evil

Acts 4 identifies all the people in Acts 2:1-3

About ten psalms are categorized as royal psalms because they’re about the Davidic monarchy; for example, a coronation song, a royal wedding song, and prayers for the king.

Since ancient Israel was a type of the heavenly kingdom, and King David was a type of King Jesus, royal psalms often have elements that apply to the kingdom of heaven and to Jesus’ reign. When they do, they’re also called Messianic psalms. Messiah means “anointed one”; Messianic psalms are about the One anointed to rule forever: Jesus. Sometimes an entire psalm can apply to Messiah Jesus, while other times just portions suit him.

Why is that important? The ten royal psalms help us celebrate our future and how God intends to end evil. They partially answer those big questions that stab our hearts when jihadists gloat over beheadings; when a friend’s spouse abandons her for a new love; and when pancreatic cancer threatens a young father.

The 10 royal psalms help us celebrate our future and how God intends to end evil Share on X

Let’s look at which psalms are royal and then see how to interpret them.

Ten Royal Psalms

Here are ten psalms scholars commonly classify as royal.

Psalm Author Royal Topic
Psalm 2 David King’s coronation
Psalm 18 David King’s battle victory
Psalm 20 David Prayer for king for battle victory
Psalm 21 David Praise by king for battle victory
Psalm 45 Sons of Korah King’s wedding
Psalm 72 Solomon Prayer for king’s dominion
Psalm 89 Ethan the Ezrahite Davidic covenant
Psalm 101 David King’s charter
Psalm 110 David Priestly kingdom
Psalm 144 David Peace by king’s victory

How to Interpret Royal Psalms

Royal psalms tell us how God intends to destroy evil

God set Jesus on the throne of the heavenly Zion

When we read royal psalms, we should consider first what they meant in their original context because that clues us in to what they mean when applied to King Jesus. Then we should look at any New Testament citations; to do this, check out your Bible’s text notes or cross references. Next, reflect on how the psalm might illuminate Jesus’ second coming and eternal reign. Finally, read the psalm with all of these contexts in mind.

Here’s a step-by-step example of how to interpret Psalm 2. Its verses are in the images so you can follow along.

Consider the Royal Psalms’ Original Purpose

How was the royal psalm originally used? For example, Psalm 2 doesn’t list an author, but Acts 4:25 tells us the Holy Spirit spoke Psalm 2 through David’s mouth. Psalm 2:7 speaks about God’s decree to David that his throne would be established forever, so Psalm 2 was probably written by David for Solomon’s coronation. After Solomon’s crowning, the kings descended from David most likely continued to use the song at their coronations since the decree was the authority by which all the sons of David ruled.

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Notice Psalm 2:7 says the Lord calls the king his “son.” God called these kings “sons” because in those days, lesser kings (vassals) who served greater kings (suzerains) were referred to as “sons” of the greater king (1 Chronicles 28:5); God was the greater King whom these earthly kings served.

Still, coronations weren’t the psalm’s only use since it could inspire hope and purpose whenever the choirs sang it at the temple.

Look at New Testament Citations of Royal Psalms

Royal psalms tell us how God intends to destroy evil

The theme of Psalm 2 is in the center

How the New Testament cites the psalm tells us its current and future significance. Here are the New Testament citations of Psalm 2 (see the psalm’s text in the images).

  • Psalm 2:1-2
    • Acts 4:25-26—Identifies all the people in Psalm 2:1-2: Jesus is the Anointed One; the Gentiles are the raging nations; the people of Israel are the peoples plotting in vain; and Herod and Pontius Pilate are the kings and rulers who set themselves against the Lord.
  • Psalm 2:7
    • Acts 13:33—Jesus is the promised Son through whom God fulfills his promises
    • Hebrews 1:5—Jesus sits at the right hand of the Majesty on high; he is superior to angels, for to no angel has God said, “You are my Son”; the Son’s inheritance in Psalm 2:8 is more excellent than angels’ inheritance
    • Hebrews 5:5—God appointed Jesus, his begotten Son, to be high priest to offer sacrifices for sin
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  • Psalm 2:9
    • Revelation 2:27—Jesus declares saints who conquer on earth will have authority like he has to rule with a “rod of iron, as when earthen pots are broken”
    • Revelation 12:5—Symbolically, a woman gives birth to a male child who will rule all nations with a “rod of iron”; a dragon tries to devour the child, but the child is caught up to God and his throne
    • Revelation 19:15—Jesus as The Word of God riding on a white horse leads the armies of heaven; he will rule with a “rod of iron”; he defeats the beast, the false prophet, and the earthly armies gathered against him; the beast and false prophet are thrown into the lake of fire; the armies perish

From these we see that Psalm 2 is ultimately about Jesus. This is why most Bible translations capitalize “Anointed” in verse 2, “King” in verse 6, and “Son” in verse 7 so readers don’t miss the application to Jesus. Psalm 2 was partly fulfilled on earth when those against him crucified him. But now he sits at the right hand of God, enthroned on the heavenly Zion. Some still rebel against his rule. One day, though, he will return and end all rebellion.

Reflect on Messianic Elements in Royal Psalms

Other New Testament passages shed light on Psalm 2 even though they don’t directly cite it.

The final fulfillment of royal psalms is Jesus' reign Share on X

Remember how in verse 7 God called the kings descended from David “sons”? The relationship between the Davidic kings and the Lord God foreshadowed the greater, unique relationship between Jesus and his Father, for Jesus was born of God literally (Luke 1:32-35). When Jesus was baptized, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17).

Revelation 21 tells the final fulfillment of royal psalms: a new heaven and new earth where God’s Son Jesus will reign forever.

Read Royal Psalms with All their Contexts in Mind

To really gain a rich understanding of and appreciation for the psalm, consider all of its contexts. Here are some suggestions for reading Psalm 2.

Royal psalms tell us how God intends to destroy evil

The King is coming so be wise

  1. Original Context: Read the decree that Psalm 2 has as its central theme: 2 Samuel 7:12-16. Here God decrees that he will raise up one of David’s sons (Solomon) to build a temple, and he’ll establish David’s throne forever. Also consider the story of Solomon’s coronation and his brother’s two attempts to seize the throne; that’ll give you an idea of the revolt newly crowned kings often faced (1 Kings 1:5-53; 2:13-25). Then read Psalm 2 while paying attention to how it fit Solomon’s situation.
  2. Jesus’ First Coming: Consider the rebellion Jesus faced from Jewish and Roman rulers (Acts 4:24-29) as well as Satan’s forces (symbolized in Revelation 12). Think about how that rebellion causes the stuff that fills the newspaper—evil, injustice, violence, betrayal, death, pain. Think about the Christians in other nations who are persecuted and slaughtered. Read Psalm 2 in the context of the rebellion against Jesus on earth then and now.
  3. Jesus’ Eternal Reign: Ponder Jesus’ future reign (the White Rider in Revelation 19:11-16; the Judgment in Revelation 20:11-14; the new heaven and earth in Revelation 22:1-8). Follow that by reading Psalm 2 with the kingdom of heaven in mind.

Royal Psalms: The Hope of Messiah’s Reign

What is the hope of royal psalms like Psalm 2? It’s the hope of Messiah Jesus’ reign.

Yes, all around us we see rebellion, rejection of God and his commands, great evils, violence, death, and tears. But that is coming to an end. King Jesus is coming. “Blessed are all who take refuge in him.”

What is the hope of royal psalms like Psalm 2? It's the hope of Messiah Jesus' reign. Share on X

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Psalm 2: Hope in the Midst of Injustice

Terrorists murder and maim. Con artists bilk the elderly. The rich exploit the poor. Abusers scar children. The promiscuous mock the chaste. Liars lock the innocent behind bars. Those who’ve sworn to uphold justice overturn it.

What is our hope in the midst of injustice? Psalm 2 tells us.

It’s a psalm originally composed for singing at the coronations of kings descended from David. It’s one of about ten psalms categorized as royal psalms because they’re about the Davidic monarchy.

Psalm 2:1-3 The root of injustice

Psalm 2:1-3 shows us from where injustice comes

A good, effective king was a cause for rejoicing. Such a king fought wickedness, judged righteously, executed justice, defended the poor, and crushed oppressors. A godly king brought the hope of justice and righteousness to the kingdom.

Since ancient Israel was a type of the heavenly kingdom, and King David was a type of King Jesus, royal psalms often have elements that apply to the kingdom of heaven and to Jesus’ reign. Psalm 2 is no exception, and the New Testament quotes it frequently, applying its words to Jesus, the Son of David. It foretells the crowning of Jesus the Anointed One—the Messiah—so it is also a Messianic psalm.

So what does Psalm 2 tell us?

God Decreed His Son King

Psalm 2:7a is the psalm’s center and tells us the psalm’s theme:

I will tell of the decree:

The rest of the verse explains the decree:

The Lord said to me,
“You are my Son;
today I have begotten you.”

This refers to the decree God made regarding King David. When David wanted to build a temple for the Lord, he asked the prophet Nathan to ask God if that would be acceptable.

That night the Lord spoke to Nathan and told him to tell David no, David would not build a house (that is, a temple) for God, but rather God would build a house (that is, a dynasty) for David. God decreed that he would establish the throne of David’s son’s kingdom forever (2 Samuel 7:13). These sons of David would be called sons of God—a political term in those days because lesser kings (vassals) were called “sons” of the greater king (suzerain) whom they served. David and his sons were to be vassals of God.

The first son of David to reign would be Solomon. Most Bible translations capitalize “Son” so you don’t miss that the last Son is Jesus, not son in the same political sense as David’s other sons—that was mere foreshadowing of the Son of God born of a virgin. It is Jesus’ throne that will last forever.

Well and good, but what does that have to do with the evil we see around us? For that we look back to the beginning of the psalm.

Many Rebel Against the Decree

Psalm 2:1-2 (see figure) tells of a rebellion of those who don’t want to submit to the newly crowned king. Newly crowned kings often faced rebellion from those ready to test their strength. In Jesus’ case, the religious leaders rebelled and turned Jesus over to Rome to be crucified on trumped-up charges. They celebrated, thinking the threat to their authority demolished. They didn’t know God had raised Jesus from the dead and anointed him king on the heavenly Mount Zion.

Psalm 2:10-12 the final answer to injustice

Psalm 2:10-12 Those who refuse God’s Son’s rule will perish, but those who embrace it will be blessed

When Jesus ascended to heaven, his followers proclaimed that Jesus was the Messiah who had sat down at the Father’s right hand. They offered the grace found in Psalm 2’s close: Be wise and warned, serve the Lord God, and “kiss the Son” (that is, pay homage to him as ruler) so that you will not perish, but have eternal life.

Today, Christians continue to spread this message in a world in which most still rebel.

For one day, trumpets will sound and the Lord will return (Matthew 24:31). On that day, it will be seen that all the plotting to reject his rule will be in vain (Psalm 2:1), and every knee will bow. Some will bow as the conquered bow, yielding to the inevitable before perishing. But those who willingly bowed on earth will bow then in gladness and joy, the hope of Jesus’ reign finally come.

“Blessed are all who take refuge in him” (Psalm 2:12). Yes, truly blessed: They will be in Jesus’ kingdom where there will be no injustice, no tears, no pain. All will be made right.

That is our hope in the midst of injustice today.

His Kingdom Comes!

Until that day, we pray, “Maranatha!” There in one word is the cry, “Our Lord, come!” (1 Corinthians 16:22). It encapsulates what Jesus teaches us to pray: “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10).

When we pray for God’s kingdom to come, we express our yearning for that kingdom in which our Lord rules with righteousness and justice. We offer ourselves as obedient servants longing to dwell under his reign. We agree that God’s commands are right and holy, and that justice demands sin’s wages be paid. We give thanks for Jesus paying the penalty for our sins through his death on the cross in order that we might live. We trust that as he rose from the dead, so shall we.

Maranatha!

Adapted from Discovering Hope in the Psalms (Harvest House, 2017)

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Every Cover-up to be Revealed—It’s a Promise

On Saturday, April 4, 2015, white police officer Michael Slager shot and killed an unarmed black man, Walter Scott. Officer Slager claimed Scott had grabbed his Taser and he had shot in self-defense. The story may have ended there except for one thing.

Feidin Santana, a barber walking to work, saw the officer “controlling” Scott and heard the Taser, so he recorded the unfolding events with his cellphone camera. When Santana later read the officer’s version of what happened, he turned the video over to the victim’s family.

Every cover-up to be revealed at the Judgment

On Judgment Day the Light will shine and every cover-up will be revealed

In the video, as the two men struggled, the Taser apparently drops to the ground, Scott breaks away from Slager and runs. Slager pulls his gun and fires at the fleeing man without warning. Scott falls to the ground some thirty feet away. Slager walks over, handcuffs him, returns to retrieve the Taser, and drops it next to Scott, in an apparent cover-up to make it appear that Scott had taken the Taser.

The family’s lawyer turned the footage over to the NY Times. Immediately after the video was made public, Slager was fired and charged with murder.

What Slager concealed the video revealed. If there’d been no video, Officer Slager’s story might have held.

On earth, that is.

Because here’s the promise that every person who’s been wrongly accused can hold to:

There is nothing concealed
that will not be revealed,
nor hidden
that will not be made known.
Matthew 10:26; Luke 12:2

Jesus said this is why his disciples needn’t fear those who can falsely malign and can kill the body but can’t kill the soul.

There’s a heavenly recording of everything. There’s a final judgment coming.

It’s a promise.

But it’s also a warning: “But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him!” (Luke 12:5). We need to walk in the light by shunning hypocrisy, banishing lies, searching our hearts, and keeping our motives pure.

“The sins of some people are conspicuous, going before them to judgment, but the sins of others appear later. So also good works are conspicuous, and even those that are not cannot remain hidden.” 1 Timothy 5:24-25

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The Journey of Childlessness

By Jean E. Jones

The pain of multiple miscarriages changed my perspective about God and faith.

April 2010 | Today’s Christian Woman

My gynecologist’s certainty gave me confidence: In a booming voice, incongruously deep for his small stature, he assured me that my baby was well, and I needn’t be worried over an earlier miscarriage. So my husband, Clay, and I joyfully celebrated the three-month milestone marking the pregnancy as safe.

It seemed life was unfolding just as we’d hoped: We’d married, Clay had completed seminary, and soon after his graduation, he was offered an associate pastorate. With a baby on the way, we once again had reason to celebrate.

Childlessness is a journeyA week after that prenatal visit, we headed to a beach-front hotel for a church staff conference. After a laughter-filled dinner full of excited chatter and congratulations over expecting our first child, I excused myself and sleepily returned to the hotel room. There, sitting in a stark white bathroom, I stared in shock at a bright red streak.

No, no—this couldn’t be happening.

The unfamiliar room, with its too perfectly arranged furniture and jarringly cheerful seascapes, amplified my disbelief. Mechanically, I crawled into the strange bed. I tugged at the cold sheet and foreign blanket, desperate for any bit of comfort, then pulled my Bible near.

“God, you know I’ve begged you to protect this baby,” I prayed. “God, please! I can’t cope with another miscarriage. Please heal my body and stop the bleeding. Please, don’t let me lose my baby.”

A couple hours later, Clay came in. He saw the anxiety in my expression and wrapped me in warm arms.

In the morning, we quietly drove home. By evening, labor began and I fought with everything in me to stop it. But by daylight, the battle was lost.

Difficult years followed, as my dream of motherhood shifted from joyous hope, to desperate pleading, to the grief of impossibility—and finally, to settled acceptance that it wasn’t to be. Looking back, I can see that contentment with childlessness was a journey with four major milestones. It began with changing what I mistakenly believed was a faith-filled response to difficulties.

Milestone 1: Developing an “Open-Eyed” Faith

Like many Christians, I’d memorized verses such as “all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28) and “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). When bad things happened, I’d quote these verses, express my gratitude that God would eventually make everything right, and push away my questions. Trying to trust God, I did something akin to closing my eyes, putting my hands over my ears, and saying, “Lalalala—just have faith—lalalala.”

Giving thanks through the first miscarriage wasn’t as difficult because the pregnancy was unplanned. Clay was still in school, and I had a new job; I concluded it wasn’t the time for us to have children. The second miscarriage was different: We were ready to start a family, and I couldn’t identify any “good” that might result from our loss. Nonetheless, I quoted verses, thanked God, and made every effort to stay positive. “It must be God’s will, so it’s fine with me,” I told my friends.

I thought I was doing well spiritually. At least, I didn’t feel angry with God. Actually, I didn’t feel anything toward God. That vaguely concerned me, but I wrote it off as emotional exhaustion.

Then one afternoon, I discovered that a houseguest had stacked my get-well cards out of sight. Furious, I wanted to scream, “How dare you move my things without asking me?” I grabbed the cards, slapped them on the coffee table, and sank into the sofa.

What’s wrong with me? I wondered. Slowly I realized I might be angry. And worse, I might be angry with God. Is that even safe?

I picked up my Bible and scanned the concordance for “anger.” Passages described God as slow to anger and full of understanding and compassion. Perhaps it’s okay to tell God what I’m feeling.

I went for a walk to be alone with God and came upon an empty schoolyard.

“God, I think I might be angry,” I prayed, stuffing my hands into my jeans pockets. “It’s possible that I might even be mad at you.”

A dried-out patch of dirt caught my eye. Its barrenness irked me: There should have been grass in that spot, not scraggly weeds. I kicked at a rock that was partly buried in the dirt.

“God, I am angry. How could you allow another miscarriage when I repeatedly told you that I couldn’t handle it?”

Emotion-charged words began to flow freely. I pressed God with every question: “I’m your child—why did you let this happen to me?” I exposed every fear: “I won’t be able to enjoy a future pregnancy! And how can I face those church members who think my miscarriage was due to a lack of faith?” I expressed every hurt, particularly that I felt inadequate as a woman. And I listed every reason why I thought God should have intervened.

“Everyone else can have children—why can’t I?”

As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I knew I’d misspoken. Many women cannot have children; some also have no husband. Then it hit me: I’d felt entitled to motherhood. This was the root of my anger. I felt God had denied me a “right.”

I stepped into the street to avoid a row of oleanders, glancing at the glossy evergreens full with clusters of red, pink, and white flowers. They bloomed almost year-round despite scorching temperatures, drought, and poor soil—the same soil that only a few steps back barely supported a scattering of weeds.Is this what you want from me, God: to grow and blossom despite tough circumstances?

Hesitantly, I began to thank God for his love and faithfulness—only a truly loving Father would allow his child to come beat on his chest. It was difficult at first, but I recognized that in his infinite wisdom, God had allowed a circumstance that would cause me to grow. While I still couldn’t identify any specific good that would result from my loss, now I could acknowledge, by faith, that God would indeed work it out.

This change in me was subtle, but significant. In the past, whenever trials occurred, I closed my eyes to the problem, thinking it was good to shut out anything that might challenge my faith. But while closed eyes can’t see problems, they also can’t see God.

When I “opened my eyes”—presenting my problems and questions to God rather than hiding from them—I began to find answers and understand God better. As a result, my faith in God’s goodness grew.

Milestone 2: Choosing God’s Will

After the second miscarriage, my doctor boomed assurances that there was still nothing to worry about. I asked if there was a point at which having a child became less likely. He answered with too much finality, “After five sequential miscarriages, it’s impossible.”

A third loss soon followed. Avoiding my eyes, he ordered numerous tests. Weeks later, I sat eagerly at his desk, awaiting answers that would fix everything. Still evading eye contact, he said nothing had been found except a low hormone that couldn’t be replaced without causing birth defects. I’m not sure how I managed to reach the car before bursting into tears.

Reluctantly, I began to face that we might not have children. I felt I’d always meant it when I told God, “Thy will be done.” And while I wanted to submit fully to God’s will, I couldn’t quite let go of my desire to be a mom.

One day, while asking God to help me surrender my will, I remembered another prayer from years before. As a young Christian, on realizing the totality of God’s forgiveness, I’d prayed with immense gratitude, “God, if you never answer another prayer for me, that’s fine. Salvation is enough.”

Now I felt God whispering, “Did you mean it?”

Instantly, I was ready to answer. The miscarriages—even childlessness—were miniscule compared to the enormous and costly gift of salvation. Resolutely, I told God, “Yes, I meant it. Salvation is enough.” When I chose God’s will over my own, I took a big step toward contentment.

Milestone 3: Seeking an Eternal Perspective

Clay and I discussed adoption, but the cost was out of reach on a pastor’s budget. Besides, what if God had a special ministry in mind for us? We ruled adoption out.

I wondered if my life could be fulfilling without children. As I searched the Bible and prayed, I realized that having children was not eternally valuable in itself, while having one’s faith refined is of great value to all believers (1 Peter 1:6-8). God so valued my faith that he used the losses to expose and remove impurities, such as false beliefs and fear-based responses. Plus, by faithfully enduring hardships, I’d gain something forever valuable: an eternal glory that would far outweigh earthly losses (2 Corinthians 4:17). The more I grasped this eternal perspective, the more content I became.

Milestone 4: Offering Sacrificial Praise

At the fifth miscarriage, I mourned not just the loss of the baby, but the loss of ever bearing children. The lessons I’d learned were helping me to cope, but one question still stymied me. So I prayed: “God, Psalms 37:4 says if I delight myself in you, you’ll give me the desires of my heart. I am delighting myself in you. I don’t understand. Why aren’t you giving me the desire of my heart?” Once again I sensed a question to me: “What is the greatest desire of your heart?” My answer came with ease: “Following you, God.”

At that moment, I realized all of life involves choosing between conflicting desires. Our choices reveal what we value most. I suddenly understood sacrificial praise (Hebrews 13:15) in a new way: choosing to praise and glorify God by relinquishing something costly. I wanted to offer sacrificial praise, but finding the words was hard, so I pictured my prayer.

I imagined placing my desire for children and the question, “Why?” in a box. I wrapped the box with pale green paper and tied it with gold ribbon, then placed it at the foot of Jesus’ cross, shining softly through a dark night at the bottom of a hill.

I prayed, “This is my gift to you. On Resurrection Day, if you want to open this gift and show me “Why?”—that’s fine. And if you don’t, that’s fine too—I think answers won’t be a priority when I’m overjoyed by being with you.”

As the days went on, every time I hurt, every time I yearned, I brought this picture to mind and prayed, “This is my gift to you.”

I expected not to see many reasons during my life for why God chose this path for me. With “Why?” in the box, I no longer looked for answers. But the years have shown it to be a path of character growth, a better understanding of God, and special ministries, including caring for abused children that couldn’t be placed in families with children. Surprisingly, I can honestly say the blessings have already been more than worth the hardships.

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Seven Tips & Tricks to Memorize Psalms

By Jean E. Jones @JeanEstherJones

Did my last post, Why Memorize Psalms? 10 Good Reasons, leave you wondering just how anyone would go about memorizing psalms?
Now, I know people who can read a long passage a few times and it’s memorized. I’m not like that. So when I decided to memorize some psalms, I first read up on memory tricks. Here are six tips I’ve found particularly helpful.

1. Pick a Bible Version that Aids Memorization

Indented lines help you memorize psalms

Tips 1+3. Indented lines help you memorize psalms–so does drawing in your Bible

Memorizing will be easier if you choose a Bible version that breaks the psalms into stanzas and lines rather than printing them as paragraphs. Hebrew poetry consists of poetic lines with parallel parts, and being able to see those parts one above the other will help you see their relationships, and that will help you memorize. For example, look at Psalm 30:5 as it’s indented in ESV (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version)) below:

For his anger is but for a moment,

and his favor is for a lifetime.

Weeping may tarry for the night,

but joy comes with the morning.

See the relationships? That helps you remember.

2. Recite Aloud Every Day with One New Verse per Day

Andrew M. Davis wrote a helpful little book called An Approach to Extended Memorization of Scripture. In his method, you review every day and add one new verse per day, using these three steps.

  1. “Yesterday’s verse first”: Begin by reciting the verse you added the day before ten times aloud, looking if you need to.
  2. “Old verses next, altogether”: Recite everything you’ve memorized to date aloud, peeking if you forget anything.
  3. “New verse”: Begin memorizing the next verse in the passage by saying it ten times while staring hard at the words.
Memorize psalms with linked pictures

Tip 3. Hyssop linked to snow to remember Psalm 51:7

Davis emphasizes saying the verses aloud and “photographing the verses with your eyes.” To help me “photograph” the line, I cover everything below it with a white card while I say it and stare at it. When I’ve said it enough times to remember it, I’ll cover the line, picture it in my mind, and say it, then immediately uncover and read the line to reinforce it.

3. Use Linked Mental Pictures

Harry Lorayne and Jerry Lucas in The The Memory Book: The Classic Guide to Improving Your Memory at Work, at School, and at Play explain that “thoughts may be associated to each other, so that one thought will remind you of the next thought” (p. 24). They advise you to think of a mental image that reminds you of the first item you want to remember, and then associate it with a picture of the second item you want to remember. Then take the second picture and associate it with an image of the third, and so on until you’ve linked all the items you want to remember.
This is very easy with visual psalms such as Psalm 23, but let me show you how to do it with a passage that has intangibles. Here’s Psalm 51:7-8 with a key word in each line in bold:

Linked pictures help you memorize psalms

Tip 3. Snow linked to hear (ear) to remember Psalm 51:7-8

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Let me hear joy and gladness;

let the bones that you have broken rejoice.

For intangibles, substitute an image of something that sounds similar (ear for “hear” or Mary for “marry”) or connects in some way (a hand holding a tissue for “blot”). The pictures demonstrate how to associate each key word with the next. You can also sketch the pictures in your Bible.

4. Review with a Recording

When I’ve memorized several verses of a psalm, I play a recording while I recite it. This seems to engage a different part of the brain than reading: I stumble in different places! You can use the audio feature of Bible apps such as YouVersion or record yourself reading the psalm slowly and with feeling into your cellphone’s recording app, pausing between stanzas. (I usually start with YouVersion and switch to my own recording when I’m just about done with the psalm. By that time, I know how I want to read it.)

Memorize psalms with linked pictures

Tip 3. Hear linked to bones to remember Psalm 51:8

Of course, if you’re musically inclined, put the psalm to music like the Israelites did and you’ll learn it even faster.

5. Remember the Stanza Flow

Make a mental note of each stanza’s central point so you can remember their order. Here’s Psalm 30 by verse numbers:

  • 1-3: Praise
  • 4-5: Divine description
  • 6-7: Dilemma
  • 8-10: Dilemma’s prayer
  • 11-12: Thanksgiving

6. Pay Attention to Parallelism to Memorize Psalms

The most significant aspect of Hebrew poetry is its use of parallelism. Parallelism is a huge help in memorizing, as you can see in Psalm 1:1:

Parallelism helps you memorize psalms

Tip 6. Noticing parallelism helps you memorize psalms

See how much easier it is to remember how the line flows when you see the parallel parts laid out like this? The structure here is diagrammed like this: A / B C D / B’ C’ D’ / B’’ C’’ D’’. Most Hebrew poetic lines are either A B / A’ B’ or A B / B’ A’. Paying attention to how the parallel elements relate to each other helps your memory. I often write out stanzas with the parallel items stacked so I can visualize them better.

7. Use Tricks for Synonyms to Memorize Psalms

Memorize psalms with memory tricks

Tips 3+7. Face linked to blot and lips sighing (SI=Sins Iniquities) to remember Psalm 51:9

I found Psalm 51 difficult to memorize because of all the synonyms for sin. So I made a mental picture of “TIS” next to the first stanza (standing for Transgressions, Iniquity, Sin) and “TSSE IS” next to the second stanza (Transgressions, Sin, Sinned, Evil, Iniquity, Sin). For the third stanza, I took the mental picture of face linked to blot and added sighing lips to remind me of “SI” (Sins, Iniquities; see the illustration).

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There you have it: the seven tips and tricks to help you memorize psalms!

Have you used these tips and tricks? What additional tips and tricks help you memorize?

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Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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Why Memorize Psalms? 10 Good Reasons

When I first read Gorden Wenham’s careful and convincing chapter in Psalms as Torah [ref]Gorden Wenham, Psalms as Torah: Reading Biblical Song Ethically (Studies in Theological Interpretation) (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2012), 41-56. [/ref] that the Psalms were meant to be memorized, I asked myself, “So why haven’t you memorized any psalms?” Answer: I find memorizing long passages difficult—very difficult! But I’d recently read a book on memory tricks, so I resolved to give it a try. Besides, I loved praying psalms and knew that would be a way to add psalm praying to my regular prayer time rather than my Bible reading time.

Memorize Psalms

When we memorize Psalms, we store them in our heart

Was I surprised: I now love memorizing psalms! And it’s easier than I thought.

Here’s why.

1. When I memorize psalms I can pray them any time

Most psalms are inspired prayers meant to be sung.[ref]Ibid., 63. [/ref] Psalms teach us how to pray, and I’ve prayed them for years. Now that I’ve memorized four psalms, they’re available to me to pray at any time. I usually walk during my main prayer time, and I absolutely love beginning with something memorized.

2. When I memorize psalms they increase my joy & peace

I wanted to add a thanksgiving psalm to my regular prayers to help me give thanks for answered prayers. I chose the beautiful Psalm 30. Wow. Beginning each day extoling God for salvation and remembering how he brought me to him is so uplifting that it makes my heart sing. It increased my joy by leaps. It reminded me that just as God miraculously saved me, so he can get me through that day’s troubles, and that brings me peace. Yet those weren’t my goals. They are side benefits: I aimed to bless God and he blessed me!

3. When I memorize psalms I’m more likely to do what they say

Praying psalms commits me to obeying what they say. Praying, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked” (Psalm 1) commits me to obeying God, not the world. Praying, “I will extol you, oh Lord” (Psalm 30), commits me to extolling God—to magnifying him and to telling others of his good care. In fact, I now regularly follow reciting this line with a prayer, “God, how can I best extol you today?” In the midst of memorizing this psalm, I jumped at the chance to speak on overcoming fear, knowing this would be a perfect means to glorify God. Frankly, until I memorized Psalm 30, I wasn’t actively looking for ways to publicly glorify God for what he’s done in my life.

4. When I memorize psalms they prepare me to face any circumstance

Confidence songs like Psalm 23 (“The Lord is my Shepherd”) can be on my tongue the instance a difficulty strikes. This one is full of imagery, and just picturing the mental images I focused upon while memorizing this psalms brings me the peace of the psalm even before I recite the words.

5. When I memorize psalms I meditate on God’s words more frequently

The blessed man meditates on God’s words day and night (Psalm 1). In ancient times, you couldn’t meditate on God’s words at night unless you had them memorized: Torches just weren’t that efficient. With psalms memorized, I can meditate even when my Bible’s not open.

When Clay was a child his agnostic father would come into his room at bedtime and recite Psalm 23 with him. Clay quickly memorized it and remembers walking down the street to grade school reciting it to himself. He found this encouraging and spiritually formative as he was growing up even though he didn’t become a Christian until several years later in junior high.

6. Reciting psalms makes my sleep more peaceful

This was another surprise. When I awake in the middle of the night and my thoughts start racing, I can calm them by reciting psalms. This is turning out to be a good way to get back to sleep. The psalmists apparently knew this since they talk about night songs (Psalm 42:8), meditating in bed (Psalm 63:6), and awakening at night in order to meditate on God’s promises (Psalm 119:148).

7. Poetry is easier to memorize than prose

Martin Luther “described the Psalter as a mini-Bible, which sums up the whole message of the Scriptures.” [ref]Gordon Wenham, The Psalter Reclaimed: Praying and Praising with the Psalms
(Wheaton: Crossway, 2013), 40. [/ref] Since poetry is easier to memorize than histories and letters, it’s a good way to get more of God’s words into my heart.

8. Memorizing psalms is a good mental challenge

Okay, there’s nothing particularly spiritual about this. But keeping my brain active could give me more years to actively serve God.

9. Jesus memorized psalms

WWJD? Jesus quoted psalms regularly: He had them memorized. We’re called to imitate him.

10. The psalms were meant to be memorized

Why not memorize them if they were meant to be memorized? This was the clincher for me. I decided if the ancients could do this, then I could do it.

Coming next : Tips & tricks to make memorizing psalms easier

Related posts

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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Fight Fear with Truth

When you’re facing fear or confronting doubt, one of the best tools at your disposal is what I call a truth journal.

A truth journal is a piece of paper or a section in a spiral notebook or journal in which you write truth statements that you need rooted in your heart. The truth journal supports you during difficult seasons of life. You write in it only truths: This isn’t the place for the fears or falsehoods that come at you like fiery darts, but only for the truth that extinguishes them.

How to Create a Truth Journal

Grab a piece of paper or set apart a section of a spiral notebook or fancy journal. Or see below to download one. List truths, numbering each one so you can distinguish between them easily and more quickly find what you need for the moment.

Here are the dos and don’ts of adding to the truth journal.

2 Corinthians 10:5 is about knowing truth

A truth journal helps you take every thought captive

Do write Scriptures that comfort you

Pray for God to show you verses that will encourage and comfort you, and then open your Bible and read. When you find a Scripture that speaks to your situation, add it to your truth journal. Write shorter passages in full; summarize longer ones with their references. If you’re not familiar with the Bible yet and don’t know where to find God’s promises, ask a mature Christian for help. At the end of this blog, I list some verses for common false beliefs.

Do write truth statements that combat lies

Most of us grew up believing lies of some sort: “You’re only valuable if …” or “You’ll always be a failure.” Ouch. During hard times, these lies can hit us forcefully. Write down the truth that overcomes the lie.

Do sketch truths

If you’re artistically inclined, when an image comes to mind as you’re reading a verse, sketch the image in the truth journal next to the verse. For example, for Psalm 23:4, I have a powerful mental image of the Lord walking through a dark valley with a sheep so I’ve sketched a rough approximation of it. The image will speak to you faster than the written words. When the truth journal isn’t near, it’s easier to remember pictures than words.

Don’t write the lies you’re combatting

In the truth journal, don’t write the lies along with the truth because you don’t want to read those lies ever again—they’ve had too much play in your mind already. Just write the truth. Likewise, this isn’t the place to work out your thoughts.

Don’t write “positive thinking” statements

Don’t write statements about the future that may not be true. For instance, don’t write, “I will get that job.” Instead, write, “If this is the job God wants me to have, he’ll give it to me. Either way, I can trust him for what’s good for me.”

How to Use the Truth Journal

When you’re in a difficult trial, build the truth journal bit by bit as you find what strengthens you. Read the truth journal before bedtime, first thing in the morning, and every time you start to feel fear or face doubt. Meditate on the truths and what they mean for you today and for your future. Put a few verses from it near the nightlight in the bathroom for use at night. Carry a shortened version in your pocket or purse during the day.

Keep this up until the tough time passes, then set it aside. One day when you face a new faith challenge, grab a fresh piece of paper or set aside a new section in your journal and enter the truth statements that address your new ordeal.

Examples of Truth Statements

Here are a few false beliefs that many people have to fight, along with a verse to get you started and a sample truth statement.

Lie Verse Truth
“God could never forgive me” 1 John 1:9 “I’ve confessed my sins and turned to Jesus as Savior, so God has forgiven me and cleansed me from all unrighteousness.”
“I’m afraid I’ve lost my salvation” John 5:24 “I hear his word and believe in Jesus so I will have eternal life.”
“You’re bad for saying bad things about [person]” Psalm 72:12-14 “It is right to report for the oppressed to report abuse. God commanded the strong to rescue the weak from oppression when they call for help.”
“People will look down on you if …” 1 Corinthians 4:1-5 “God will not look down on me if …, and neither will godly Christians. God’s opinion alone counts.”
“No one will ever believe you if …” Luke 12:1-7 (esp. v. 2) “God knows the truth and he has the power to make the truth known. He will make the truth known on the Judgment Day if not before. Wise, godly people seek out truth.”
“No one will ever love you if …” Romans 8:38-39 “God loves me no matter what. Godly people will love me no matter what.”
“This disease means you’re not valuable to God” Psalm 71 (esp. vv. 9, 20) “I am valuable to God. He values my faithfulness to him through this disease, and he will reward my faithfulness.”
“God let … happen so he must not care about me” Romans 8:28 “God cares about me very much. He has some reason for allowing … to happen, and he will work it for my good.”

Downloadable Truth Journal

The Joy Super Bonus Bundle has a downloadable Truth journal that you can print.

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