Bible perplexities, small group leadership

Encouraging More Talk in Quiet Discussion Groups

A small group leader asks: “My discussion group is quiet, and I seem to be doing most of the talking. The group members complete a workbook at home, but they’re not sharing their answers much. Do you have any ideas about how to encourage more discussion?”

Encouraging More Talk in Discussion Groups

A reminder to ask my group to summarize a passage appears in the upper right of my workbook

This is a question I’ve spent a lot of time praying about over the years! Here are twelve tips that have helped me draw quiet people out more so that everyone feels enriched by the discussion and group members help each other grow.

Before the Group

Pray for the discussion

Before the meeting, I pray that the group members will learn from God’s word, share openly and honestly, feel safe, and help each other grow. I also pray for the Holy Spirit’s presence, wisdom, and guidance.

During the Meeting

Ask quietest people to read

I mark Scripture passages and quotations in my study guide that I want read during the meeting. I ask the quietest people to read them. Often hearing their own voice is enough to prime the pump and get the words flowing. Even if not, it helps them feel like they’re participating.

Replace summaries with leading questions

When a lesson covers a Bible passage too long to read, I don’t summarize it myself. Instead, I ask the group to summarize the passage. If no one volunteers immediately, I ask leading questions until I’ve drawn out all pertinent facts. “This lesson had us read the story of Moses sending the explorers into the Promised Land; who would like to summarize what happened? … What did Moses ask them to do? … When they returned, what did Joshua and Caleb say? … How did that differ from what the other ten spies said?”

Make silence your friend

Quiet people wait for silence before talking, so you need to provide silent pauses. I ask a question and then smile as I look around the group expectantly. I let the silence encourage talking. If I see hesitation in someone’s face, I nod encouragingly. If the silence continues, I ask, “Who has thoughts on this?”—which suggests partial answers are fine and usually draws responses.

If, however, there’s more silence, I rephrase the question, perhaps breaking it into simpler parts. The original question may have been too hard or may have been worded unclearly, so if needed, I’ll ask leading questions until the group understands the question and comes to answers that satisfy them.

Say when a discussion question has no wrong answers

Opinion and personal questions usually have no wrong answers. Saying, “There are no wrong answers on this question, so what are your thoughts?” gives people the freedom to express their opinion without fear of judgment and encourages those who hold strong opinions to keep their tone soft. This builds acceptance of differences in non-essentials,  makes the group members feel sharing is safe, and encourages more talk.

Give everyone who wants to a chance to share

On questions with multiple answers, I make sure everyone who wants to share has a chance by looking back and forth between those who haven’t answered yet and asking, “Does anyone have more to add?” Making sure everyone participates who wants to lets group members know their input is valuable and encourages more sharing.

Affirm answers

Thanking people as they share and especially affirming open, insightful answers encourages more sharing. If I hear several thoughtful answers in a row, I’ll tell the group: “You’re giving great answers! Who else has something to share?” That helps everyone feel sharing is safe.

During the meeting, when I get to a question that was hard to answer, I say something like, “I had to come back to this question and really think.” This models what I hope they will do at home and encourages group members to spend time reflecting on answers so they’ll have more to share.

I seldom correct mistakes; correct answers usually come out as the discussion continues. If someone obviously misinterprets a question, I might say, “You know, I understood the question a little differently. Did anyone interpret this question another way?” (Since that’s the same thing I say if a question has multiple interpretations, no one feels corrected.)

Ask group members to share one answer each on list questions

For questions that ask for a list of answers, I ask people to share one answer each until everyone has shared.

Don’t answer non-personal questions yourself, or answer last

On fact questions or discussion questions that aren’t personal, I try to draw out all the answers from the group. If I have anything to add, I answer last.

Answer first on personal discussion questions

For personal questions I answer first to set the example of openness and brevity. I’m honest and open about my shortcomings and struggles, and this helps others to feel safe enough to do likewise. Small group members are seldom more transparent than the group leader, so this encourages open sharing.

(If I have a talkative, transparent group, though, I’ll answer first at the beginning of the discussion to set the example of how long to talk, then I switch to answering last.)

After the Group Meeting

Affirm transparency

People often second-guess sharing intimately and worry that their openness will lead to others thinking poorly of them. I call or email those who show vulnerability, expressing thanks for their transparency and assuring them that their openness will help the other group members grow and feel safe enough to share openly too.

Ask the reason for quietness during discussion

If someone talked little, I’ll privately ask, “I noticed you didn’t share much. Was there something going on?” Here are common replies and how I usually respond:

“I had a fight with my husband and was in a funk.”

People distracted by worry are always grateful for a listening ear and heartfelt prayer. And they’re so glad you asked what was happening. They’ll feel loved and accepted, essential to open sharing.

“I didn’t get my homework done.”

I assure people who didn’t finish their lessons that I’m glad they came anyway, and to always feel free on the personal questions to listen to the other answers to get their gist and then jump in with their thoughts.

“I’m new to the Bible and don’t want to look stupid.”

I tell them I’m glad they’re there and assure them everyone has felt that way at some point and can relate. In future meetings, I include some simple fact questions and look to them to answer first (without being obvious) so their confidence builds. I call a couple days before future meetings and ask if they have any questions about the homework.

***

If you’re a small group leader, what are  ways you’ve successfully encouraged more talk in quiet groups?

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How to Choose Discussion Questions

Choose discussion questions for small groups

A small group in the midst of discussion

Last week a small group Bible study leader asked me how I choose discussion questions from workbooks. These workbooks typically have chapters with five or six daily lessons that group members complete at home and plan to discuss when they meet.

You can’t ask all the questions: there isn’t time. But it’s essential to get through all the daily lessons, or those who finished their lessons will be frustrated they didn’t get to share all they learned. Additionally, people will start completing only the number of lessons they know you’ll cover and will thus miss out on important material.

So here I’ll share the steps I take to choose discussion questions that help me cover the most important questions in the allotted time.

Choose discussion questions and highlight them

I highlight only the portion of the question I’ll read aloud. Notice the faint “10” to the left of the question.

I finish the entire chapter early in the week. The day before the meeting, I grab my workbook, pencil, pen, and pink and green fluorescent highlighters. I might use blue instead of green, but never yellow (too pale to see) or purple (hard to read through). I use pink to highlight questions I want to be sure to cover, and green for optional questions I’ll ask only if there’s time.

I read through the material again carefully, doing the following as I go:

  1. Decide each question’s potential for discussing:
    • Essential: Practical application questions; questions whose answer explains the main point
    • Helpful: Questions that support the main lesson, but aren’t essential to understanding it; redundant questions
    • Unnecessary for discussion: Questions that provide background so you can answer essential questions; review questions (“What did we learn yesterday about this?”); deeply private reflection questions; most questions whose answer is a prayer
  2. Pencil in estimated minutes to discuss. I write a rough estimate of the time the question will take to discuss to the left of the question number. I ignore unnecessary questions and I put parentheses around the times of the least important helpful questions. Here are the estimates I use:
    • ½: Fact questions that can be answered by one person (“What does Titus 3:2 say?”)
    • 2: Fact questions that ask for lists (“What are the promises in this passage?”)
    • 5: Non-personal discussion questions (“Why do people find this hard to do?”)
    • 10: Personal discussion questions (“Do you find this hard to do? Why or why not?”)
    • 5: Private discussion questions that not everyone will want to answer (“With what idol do you struggle most?”)
  3. Highlight essential questions. I highlight in pink a couple discussion questions and any number of essential fact questions per daily lesson. I highlight only the portion of the question I want to read aloud, not parenthetical explanations. If the question needs a segue, I write it in pen and highlight that too. If a daily lesson is short on essential discussion questions, I might promote one or two helpful questions to essential status.
  4. Tally the minutes needed per daily lesson. I jot down the total minutes needed to cover the essential questions highlighted in each daily lesson.
  5. Tally the chapter minutes and adjust. I add the daily lesson minutes needed together and subtract the total from the time allotted for discussion. If it’s very short, I highlight another question or two in pink till I’m within ten or fifteen minutes. Then I spread the remaining difference among the daily lesson minutes. For instance, if my daily lesson estimates are 18+6+11+17+13=65 and I have 75 minutes for discussion, the difference of ten minutes I’d spread like this: 20+7+13+20+15=75.
  6. Write beginning and ending times on first page of daily lessons. At the top of the first page for the first daily lesson, I write the time period I want to spend on that lesson. For instance, if the discussion starts at 9:30 and I’ve allotted 20 minutes for the first lesson, I write “9:30-9:50.” I repeat for all the daily lessons.
  7. Highlight optional questions. I scan the un-highlighted questions with times next to them and choose the most helpful. I highlight them with the green highlighter; these will be optional questions I’ll ask only if there’s time. I choose at least two per daily lesson.
When you choose discussion questions, add segues

A segue from the previous paragraph is added to the discussion question

Now when I get to the meeting, I ask or skip optional questions so I finish each daily lesson close to the ending time I wrote down for it. The group members are satisfied they got to share what they learned, everyone is blessed by each other’s answers, and those who might not have finished their lessons see the benefits of doing so and are encouraged to do more the following week.

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Learning from Betrayal

A young woman recently asked about betrayal:

Learning from betrayalAfter praying and fasting, I clearly felt God’s blessing on a dating relationship. But when we were about to get engaged a year later, he confessed the marriage would be a cover for his active gay lifestyle. How does one get past God letting us think he’s leading us toward something with special blessing, when He’s actually intending something completely different, knowing it’ll cause us pain? I feel God betrayed me. [ref]The question is edited for brevity and anonymity.[/ref]

 

I am so sorry for the pain this man’s betrayal caused. To discover someone we trusted and thought we knew has deceived us is quite a shock, and it’s natural to begin to doubt others’ honesty and intentions when struck like this.

I’m thankful you’re searching for answers. It will take time before you know fully what good God intends to work through this; indeed, you may not know all in this lifetime. In the meantime, immerse yourself in Scriptures. There you’ll see how others handled betrayal, including Jesus, Joseph, David, the patriarchs, and the apostles. You’ll also grow in understanding God and the big picture of what he is doing in this world.

Although there are numerous examples in the Bible of godly people who prayed and yet had life turn out differently than expected, I find Jeremiah the most helpful because of his candor as he worked through his feelings. During a time I dealt with a betrayal, I read Jeremiah repeatedly, finding comfort in knowing my experience was not unique, assurance that betrayal by people does not equal betrayal by God, and hope in God’s power to work great good through suffering.

Here are some of the things God worked in Jeremiah’s life through suffering and betrayal. You may discover God works some of these in your life as well.

God teaches us to discern his voice better

Jeremiah learning from betrayal

“The Prophet Jeremiah” from the Sistine Chapel, by Michelangelo (public domain)

When God first called Jeremiah to be a prophet and gave Jeremiah a message of pending destruction if Judah did not repent, Jeremiah was confused and asked God why he had been deceiving the people by telling them through other prophets that all was going to be well with Judah (Jer. 4:10). God explained the prophets Jeremiah had been listening to had spoken falsely in his name: he had not given them the words of peace and assurance they proclaimed and which merely fit what the people wanted to hear (Jer. 5:12, 31). What Jeremiah had been told were God’s words were not, and God helped him grow in discerning what was from God and what wasn’t.

Even those without the incredible prophetic giftedness of Jeremiah can grow in discerning God’s guidance better. When I was a young Christian, some of the teaching I heard about how to discern God’s will and voice turned out to be wrong, and part of the way I discovered that was through having situations turn out differently than I expected. Since God does not lie, I knew my understanding was mistaken so I sought guidance in Scripture and from God, and I grew, just as Jeremiah did and just as you will.

God teaches us wisdom

One of the ways we become wise and grow in the knowledge of good and evil is by living through the effects of both good and evil. Sometimes when we pray for wisdom, God grants that request by allowing us to go through eye-opening experiences.

As God continued his first message to Jeremiah, Jeremiah cried out in anguish because he did not think his fellow Israelites deserved punishment. God assured him if he could find one honest person in Jerusalem, he would forgive the city (Jer. 5:1). Though Jeremiah searched, he found no one.

Even so, it was years before he understood what God meant by cordial words hiding what is hidden in the heart (Jer. 9:8). Jeremiah did not understand the depths of the depravity around him until his prophetic words tested people’s hearts and he saw their ways with his own eyes (Jer. 6:27, 11:19).

God teaches us discernment about people

Despite God’s warning to Jeremiah not to trust the people around him (Jer. 9:4-6), Jeremiah found it hard not to. When he discovered a plot against his life, his anger burst out not only against his betrayers (Jer. 11:18-20), but against God (Jer. 12:1-4). God exhorted Jeremiah to continue his work, to remember his warnings about whom not to trust, and to trust him for justice (Jer. 12:5-7). Over the 40 years that Jeremiah prophesied, he grew in discerning the wicked (Jehoiakim), the weak (Zedekiah), and the godly (Josiah and Ebed-Melech). He also learned that God was with him even when people betrayed him.

I was betrayed once by a church leader. I had seen warning signs, but wrote them off, naively thinking someone lacking spiritual maturity wouldn’t be in leadership, and that because God loves truth no one would believe the falsehoods going around anyway (I initially thought them correctable mistakes and only later learned they were intentional lies). I learned discernment the hard way. But I also learned God was with me and was teaching me important lessons. God promises to work all things for your good, and you will learn and grow through this too.

God exposes wolves in sheep’s clothing

Early in Jeremiah’s ministry, people didn’t know which prophets to believe, a situation that greatly displeased God. After Jeremiah had prophesied about three decades, the prophet Hananiah came out strongly against him, making it plain that both could not be true prophets (Jer. 28). When Jeremiah pronounced God’s judgment of death on Hananiah for making people trust a lie and Hananiah did die, God exposed the false and true prophets. Godly people knew whom to trust, while the ungodly chalked Jeremiah’s words up to coincidence.

As painful as your situation is, the deception came out before a marriage would make it even more painful. God granted wisdom and exposed a sham. Hopefully this exposure will prevent the man from hurting others.

God strengthens us

When God called Jeremiah to be a prophet, Jeremiah protested that he was a child who didn’t know how to speak. God promised to make him into a bronze wall (Jer. 1:6, 18) that could withstand the attacks of the priests, kings, and people who would fight against him. Apparently, Jeremiah thought this meant he wouldn’t feel the pain of the attacks. When the persecution increased, Jeremiah cried out over his pain and asked if God had deceived him (15:18).

But God had not promised Jeremiah a pain-free ministry. Part of the reason God punishes those who act evilly is that they inflict unjust pain on others. In this instance, God rebuked Jeremiah, called him to repent of his worthless words, and reminded him of his promise to make him a bronze wall that could not be prevailed against (Jer. 15:19-20). Jeremiah had received evidence enough of God’s faithfulness and promises to deserve the rebuke, and he repented.

God did indeed make him into a bronze wall, but not by making him insensitive to pain; rather, he taught him to trust in God’s faithfulness and to endure despite hardship.

God comforts so we can comfort others

Jeremiah suffered insults, mocking, death threats, imprisonments, and beatings. Sorrow at times overwhelmed him (Jer. 5:18). But God cared deeply about Jeremiah’s pain, and he cares about your pain too.

Jeremiah grew spiritually as he saw God’s faithfulness amidst human unfaithfulness, and he came to trust God fully. When his prophecies about the fall of Jerusalem came to pass, he responded not with smugness, but with compassion. He knew by then that the pain of exile was the only way the wayward Hebrews could have hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). He tenderly ministered to the distressed people around him through Lamentations, passing the comfort God gave him on to others (2Co. 1:4).

Through the pain and sorrow, here’s what Jeremiah had learned:

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men. Lamentations 3:32-33

Draw close to the God of all comfort. I’m praying for you.

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Did Joshua Cause Leap Years?

Here’s a question I hear often: Did Joshua cause leap years by praying for the sun to stop?

Christians naturally want to pass along any information that might influence agnostic friends to trust the Bible. That’s great when the details are solid, but sometimes inaccurate claims bounce around, and when we latch onto one of those, skeptics mock.

One such claim traversing the Internet is that Joshua’s prayer for the sun to stand still during a battle (Joshua 10:12) combined with Isaiah’s prayer for a shadow to retreat ten steps (2 Kings 20:11) resulted in a lost day that has to be made up for with leap years.

Sometimes this claim is combined with the debunked urban legend that NASA found Joshua’s lost day: See NASA discovers a “lost day” in time? and NASA and the Missing Day in Time.

So did Joshua cause leap years?

Joshua commanding the sun to stand still did not cause leap years
“Joshua Commanding the Sun to Stand Still on Gibeon” by John Martin, 1816 (public domain)

No.

We don’t periodically add a day to February because of an astronomical anomaly three millennia ago—that would be like saying a train was late once in 1842 and Amtrak has to adjust all its train schedules every few years to compensate.

Why we have leap years

We have leap years so our seasons will start on about the same calendar date each calendar year. If we never observed leap years, we’d eventually celebrate the Fourth of July in the middle of winter and Christmas in summer.

The technical explanation

Our seasons begin when the earth is at specific points in its orbit around the sun. The earth takes 365 days 5 hours 48 minutes 46 seconds to orbit the sun—a period of time called a tropical year.

A calendar year tracks only full days, so after four calendar years, that nearly six-hour lag behind the tropical year accumulates to almost twenty-four hours. We add a day to the calendar year to synchronize it with the tropical year.

Leap years synchronize calendar years to tropical years. Here's how. Share on X

This allows us to keep the solstices (when the sun is farthest from the equator, causing the shortest and longest days of the year) always near December 21 and June 21, and the equinoxes (when the sun crosses the equator, causing day and night to be nearly the same length) always near March 20 and September 22. Summer and winter start on the solstices; spring and fall start on the equinoxes.

Baranof Island, Alaska, on Did Joshua cause leap years
In parts of Alaska, the summer solstice brings 24 hours sunlight and the winter solstice 0! Knowing the date to expect them is vital.

Even if you don’t live in the parts of Alaska where the sun doesn’t rise on December 21 and doesn’t set on June 21, you probably find planning easier knowing which months are hottest and which are coldest. (Unless you live near the equator where day lengths don’t vary much—Hawaii’s longest day is 13.5 hours and its shortest 11 hours.)

Leap days and leap years

The extra calendar day is added to the end of February and is called a leap day. A year in which we add a leap day is called a leap year. We have leap years about every four years. But because a leap day overcompensates by 11 minutes and 14 seconds, we skip adding a leap day three times over every four centuries.

For those who like such things, here’s how to figure out which years are leap years. Years evenly divisible by four are leap years except for years also evenly divisible by 100 but not by 400. Thus 2020 and 2000 are leap years, but not 1900 (2020 is evenly divisible by 4, but not 100; 2000 is evenly divisible by 4, 100, and 400; 1900 is evenly divisible by 4 and 100, but not 400).

Test everything. Hold on to the good.

1 Thessalonians 5:21
UPDATED 2/10/2020
Did Joshua cause leap years when he prayed for the sun to stop? Leap years & tropical years explained. Share on X

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Telescoped Genealogies: Was Rahab the Mother of Boaz?

In a discussion about the Bible’s book of Ruth, this question came up: Was Rahab the mother of Boaz? Rahab, you may remember, was the Canaanite prostitute who hid the Israelite spies.

In the book of Ruth, the young Moabitess Ruth cares for her Israelite mother-in-law Naomi. Both are destitute widows. Ruth accompanies Naomi to Bethlehem, even though she’ll have little prospect of finding a husband to rescue her from poverty. There, she gleans grain in the field of a rich man named Boaz, who provides food and protection. Later he plays the part of kinsman redeemer by marrying Ruth and giving her a son who can inherit for her dead husband.

The question about Boaz’s relationship to Rahab comes up because it could help explain his extraordinary care for Ruth during a time Israel and Moab were on unfriendly terms, even though a closer relative refused to be a kinsman redeemer.

Was Rahab the mother of Boaz, shown in this painting of Boaz and Ruth

“Ruth in Boaz’s Field” by Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld, 1828

Matthew 1:5’s genealogy in the New International Version says, “Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab.” The more literal New American Standard Bible reads, “Salmon was the father of Boaz by Rahab.” That should settle it, right?

Not quite.

Rahab Being the Mother of Boaz Presents a Problem

The problem is Matthew lists five generations from Salmon to David, but between Rahab’s meeting the spies (traditionally 1406 BC) and David’s birth (1040 BC) stretch 366 years, making the average age of the dads up where what little hair remains turns white and giving extra meaning to Boaz’s claim not to be young: [ref]Some scholars argue for a later date of 1250 BC for Joshua’s invasion. If Rahab gave birth ten years after, then the three men fathered their sons at an average age of 67 if Matthew has not telescoped between Rahab and David—more doable, though still short.[/ref]

Year BC

 Person

Estimated Age

 Event

1406

 Rahab

20

 Meets Israelite spies

~1376

 Rahab

50

 Bears Boaz

~1264

 Boaz

112

 Fathers Obed

~1152

 Obed

112

 Fathers Jesse

1040

 Jesse

112

 Fathers David

Although it’s possible Boaz, Obed, and Jesse were bearing sons as centenarians, there’s another possibility: Matthew may have skipped some names—just as he skipped three in verse 8 and one in verse 11. [ref]Verse 8 skips Ahaziah (2 Chr. 22:1), Joash (2 Chr. 22:11), and Amaziah (2 Chr. 24:27) between Jehoram and Uzziah (Azariah). Verse 11 skips Jehoiakim (2 Chr. 36:5) between Josiah and Jechoniah (Jehoiachin). Matthew 1:1 is even more telescoped: “Jesus Christ the son of David, the son of Abraham.”[/ref]

Translation Issues and Ancient Customs

According to scholars, there are both translation and custom issues involved. The Greek word translated “was the father of” could also mean “was the grandfather of” or “was the ancestor of.” Additionally, unlike today, ancient Jewish writers often telescoped genealogies—that is, shortened them to the most important names.

New Testament scholar D. A. Carson explains:

Therefore approximately four hundred years (Gen 15:13; Exod 12:40) are covered by the four generations from Perez to Amminadab. Doubtless several names have been omitted: the Greek verb translated “was the father of” … does not require immediate relationship but often means something like “was the ancestor of” or “became the progenitor of.”

Similarly, the line between Amminadab and David is short: more names may have been omitted. Whether such names properly fit before Boaz, so that Rahab was not the immediate mother of Boaz (just as Eve was not immediately “the mother of all the living,” Gen 3:20), or after Boaz, or both, one cannot be sure. [ref]D. A. Carson, “Matthew,” Matthew, Mark, Luke, The Expositor’s Bible Commentary, ed. Frank E. Gaebelein (Grand Rapids: Regency, 1984), 8:65. [/ref]

So was Rahab the mother of Boaz? She was his mother or grandmother or ancestress, and one of the people God used to mold Boaz’s extraordinary tenderness for the foreign widow Ruth.

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If you want to know more about the Old Testament, check out this book by me, Pam Farrel and Karla Dornacher (affiliate link):

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“Seek” Book Recommendation

‘Seek’ ~ A new book by Donna Jones

I’ve started many seeker and new believer Bible studies over the years, and this is the book I wish I’d had: Seek: A woman’s guide to meeting God. Too often I’ve used books that lost women in the first two weeks as theological terms bounced about causing more confusion than clarity.

That isn’t the case with Seek: A Woman’s Guide to Meeting God (affiliate link).
.

I had the privilege of reading a few chapters before publication, and I felt immediately as if I were sitting down with a hot mug of Earl Grey talking to a dear friend. Okay, the author, Donna Jones, is such a friend. But it was the warm, endearing tone that pulled me in. The book is filled with delightful stories that illustrate spiritual concepts in ways that just make sense—that make you go “Aha!” And each chapter ends with questions ideal for discussion groups.

Look at the way she begins explaining trusting in false beliefs:

In second grade I read a book that, quite frankly, no child with my personality traits should have been allowed to read. Though I can’t recall the title, the book was filled with sure-fire ways to win party games, including one game my friends inevitably played at birthday parties—Pin the Tail on the Donkey. While this handy manual conceded no fool proof way to win Pin the Tail on the Donkey existed apart from cheating, it did, however, outline a little known rule: A secondary prize should always be given to the child whose tail is furthest away from the donkey, in addition to the first place prize awarded to the child whose tail is closest. My eyes widened and my heart beat wildly as my seven-year-old mind unraveled the implications of discovering this life-altering revelation. I would never go home empty handed from a party again!

Donna is a long-time Bible teacher who knows what questions women have and is skilled in answering them. I’ve listened to Donna teach for the past five years and love her humor and down-to-earth explanations that engage seekers, new believers, and long-time Christians alike.

So if you

  • want a book for a neighborhood Bible study
  • need materials for teaching Bible essentials to your church’s women
  • have a seeker friend who might read a warm, inviting, non-intimidating book
  • have always wanted a clear explanation of Christian essentials

…then check out Seek: A Woman’s Guide to Meeting God (affiliate link).for details.

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Sins of the Fathers?

Does God punish innocent children to the third and fourth generations for the sins of the fathers?

Last week, someone asked several questions about children being punished for their parents’ wrongdoings, including whether events in Jewish history were examples of this and whether he should be concerned that he’ll suffer for his parents’ and grandparents’ sins.

What did God mean when he told the Israelites he would punish the children for the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generation?

The second of the Ten Commandments says this:

You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand [generations] of those who love me and keep my commandments. Exodus 20:3-6

Painting of Israelites worshipping golden calf

“The Adoration of the Golden Calf” by Nicolas Poussin

If the head of a household worshipped false gods, typically his descendents would join in that idolatry. The successive generations would be punished for committing the sins they learned from parents. (Exodus 34:6-7; Numbers 14:18; and Jeremiah 32:18 are similar.) Douglas K. Stuart wrote:

In other words, God will not say, “I won’t punish this generation for what they are doing to break my covenant because, after all, they merely learned it from their parents who did it too.’ Instead, God will indeed punish generation after generation (‘to the third and fourth generation’) if they keep doing the same sorts of sins that prior generations did. If the children continue to do the sins their parents did, they will receive the same punishments as their parents.”

Stuart goes on to point out that “‘Third and fourth’ is idiomatic in Hb. for ‘whatever number’ or ‘plenty of.’” [ref]Douglas K. Stuart, New American Commentary – Volume 2: Exodus, (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman, 2006), WORDsearch CROSS e-book, 454.[/ref]

That this verse does not mean innocent children will be punished is supported by Deuteronomy 24:16: “Fathers shall not be put to death for their children, nor children put to death for their fathers; each is to die for his own sin.”

Is the Babylonian captivity an example of the sins of the fathers being visited upon children?

The children who were exiled or born in exile endured the consequences of their parents’ sins: they could not live in the Promised Land during the exile. Moses warned of this consequence for persistently rejecting God, but also promised when a generation confessed their sins and their fathers’ sins, God would restore them to the land (Leviticus 26:39-42).

During Babylon’s siege against Judah, people quoted a proverb showing their belief that they were being punished for their ancestors’ sins, not their own. Ezekiel 18 addressed their error at length:

The word of the LORD came to me: “What do you people mean by quoting this proverb about the land of Israel: ‘The fathers eat sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge’? As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, you will no longer quote this proverb in Israel. For every living soul belongs to me, the father as well as the son—both alike belong to me. The soul who sins is the one who will die. Ezekiel 18:1-4

God said if a man is righteous, he will live (18:5-9). If he has a wicked son, the son will die (18:10-13). If the wicked man has a righteous son, the son will live (18:14-18). The Israelites complained that the righteous son should share his father’s guilt, but God said no, only the wicked man will die for his wickedness (18:19-20). Additionally, if a wicked man repents, he will live, but if a righteous man becomes wicked, he will die (18:21-29).

Through Jeremiah God said that after the exile, people would finally stop quoting that proverb and realize people die for their own sin (Jeremiah 31:29-30).

Despite the people’s wish to believe that they themselves didn’t deserve punishment, in actuality, the generations had increased in wickedness as they learned their parents’ sins and added to them until God finally said, “Enough.” The exiled generation ignored the prophets’ warnings against child sacrifice to Molech, the highly sexualized worship of Canaanite gods, gross mistreatment of the poor, and blatant injustice.

Note that the exile happened in three stages: 605 BC, 597 BC, and 586 BC (when Jerusalem was destroyed). The exiles returned in 536 BC, just 50 years after the last deportation. Many first generation children saw the restoration.

Is the destruction of Jerusalem in AD 70 an example of children being punished for their parents having crucified Jesus 40 years earlier?

No, the Jews that died in the Great Jewish Revolt against Rome were not being punished for Jesus’ crucifixion, but for their own rejection of Jesus as Messiah.

Moses had warned the Israelites that God would one day raise up a prophet like him and they must listen to him, or they would be called to account (Deuteronomy 18:15, 18, 19). The apostles reminded the Jews of this and warned them they would be cut off if they rejected Jesus as Messiah (Acts 3:22-23).

In AD 66, Jews in the provinces of Galilee and Judah revolted against Rome. They were led by the Zealots, a Jewish sect which taught the Messiah would come when the Jews were righteous enough to deserve the Messiah; the righteousness they demanded included rejecting all other human governance. They refused to pay taxes and assassinated Roman officials.

An initial victory led many Jews to join the Zealots in their revolt. Those who revolted rejected Jesus as Messiah and sought from among their own a Messiah who would establish an earthly kingdom free from Roman rule. As Rome crushed the revolt, the Zealots assassinated Jews who didn’t give them their full support, preventing them from surrendering. Rome destroyed Jerusalem and the temple in AD 70 and finished putting down the revolt in AD 75. The Jews entered exile again.

Are we destined to endure divine retribution of some sort of pain, suffering, and physical death here on earth because of some of the sins committed by our fathers or grandfathers?

No, absolutely not. We sometimes suffer the consequences of our parents’ sins: a gambler may lose his house and plunge his family into poverty. We sometimes learn and repeat the sins our parents teach us, bringing more consequences and even discipline. But we won’t endure divine retribution for our ancestors’ wickedness.

Besides, “in Christ” all of this is irrelevant anyway because when we’re “born again,” we’re born into God’s family.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. ~2 Corinthians 5:17

 

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Questions about the Women at the Resurrection

Questions: Why did Mary Magdalene ask where Jesus’ body was when earlier an angel told her Jesus had arisen? Why do the gospel accounts differ as to which women went to the tomb and which saw Jesus alive?

Several questions arose in my church’s women’s Bible study about differences between the gospel accounts regarding the women at the resurrection who saw the empty tomb and witnessed Jesus alive.

Why did Mary Magdalene ask the man she thought was a gardener where Jesus’ body was (John 20:15) when earlier an angel had told her Jesus had arisen (Mark 16:6)?

When we read that the angel told Mary and the other women that Jesus had arisen, we know what the angel meant: Jesus had risen from the dead and was alive. But Mary didn’t know that.

Questions about Magdalene and women at the resurrection

“The Mourning Mary Magdalene” by Colijn de Coter (1493-1506)

When Jesus told the apostles he was going to die and rise again, they didn’t understand what he meant (John 16:17, 20:9). When the angel told Mary and her friends that Jesus had risen, she likewise didn’t know what he meant, perhaps thinking he spoke of Jesus’ soul. She remained intent on finding Jesus’ body so she could properly anoint it with spices.

Why do the gospel accounts differ about which women went to the tomb?

Matthew tells us of Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James the younger—one of the apostles—going to the tomb (Matthew 28:1); Mark mentions the two Marys and Salome (Mark 16:1); Luke describes the two Marys, Joanna, and other women (Luke 24:10); and John speaks only of Mary Magdalene (John 20:1).

We’ve all experienced recounting something that happened to us only to see our listener’s eyes drift towards an exit, and none of us likes that. So when we relate events, we choose important details and often mention just people our listeners know.

For instance, Clay and I told my father-in-law that while traveling with Craig Hazen (whom he knows), we met the pastor of his church. We didn’t mention we were also traveling with J. P. Moreland because my father-in-law doesn’t know him.

That’s the way we all tell the stories of our lives. We can’t give every detail: life’s too short. When writing, we trim down to what we think will make our point without overwhelming our readers with non-essentials that wouldn’t interest them. And that’s what the gospel writers did. They picked what they considered the most important details and mentioned the people their readers knew. All mentioned Mary Magdalene, who was a wealthy, well-known leader of the women who had ministered to Jesus and who had the honor of being the first to see the risen Lord.

In John’s case, he tells us he wrote of the miraculous signs Jesus did in the presence of his disciples (John 20:30), so one of the reasons he may have told of only Mary Magdalene’s experience, and not those of the other women, is he was sharing what he directly experienced: Mary came directly to him and Peter when she returned from the empty tomb, he and Peter then ran to the tomb and when John came out, he saw Mary standing outside weeping.

Why do the gospel accounts differ as to which women saw Jesus alive?

Matthew tells us of Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James the younger seeing Jesus (Matthew 28:9), while Mark and John tell us Mary Magdalene was the first to see Jesus alive (Mark 16:9, John 20:15-18).

Mary Magdalene was the first to see Jesus alive, and the other Mary joined them later. The gospel writers chose to emphasize different encounters. All describe Jesus appearing to the eleven remaining disciples, and some describe additional encounters.

Other New Testament books tell us Jesus appeared to more than 500 people, including Jesus’ brother James, Joseph called Barsabbas, Matthias, and Paul (Acts 1:21-23, 1 Corinthians 15:4-8). Most of the people are unnamed, and only a few of the encounters are described.

Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. ~John 21:25

 

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Jesus & the Timid Woman

What can we learn from Jesus about making people feel valued, especially in small groups? Plenty—especially from the way he treated a woman too shy to speak to him.

She wasn’t ready to open up

Jesus was on his way to heal the daughter of an important man, Jairus. Jairus was a synagogue ruler, while this woman hiding in the crowd hadn’t been to synagogue in twelve years. She couldn’t—not with this bleeding problem that made her “unclean.” Any place she sat became unclean too, so she didn’t get out much.

She couldn’t get up the nerve to talk to Jesus. After all, who would be interested in a penniless woman who wasn’t the daughter of anyone special?

The crowd pressed all around him. She really shouldn’t have been there in her state, but she longed for healing. She’d been ostracized for so long. She needn’t bother him, after all: she’d just slip in from behind, touch his cloak—that’s all it would take, she was sure—and then disappear among the multitude. No one would notice.

But someone did.

Jesus felt power going out of him and knew someone had touched him and been healed, someone who wouldn’t venture to ask for healing. But healing her physically wasn’t enough. He turned and called out, “Who touched my clothes?”

She didn’t answer. Perhaps she froze in confusion, thoughts racing through her mind. Will he be angry I touched him when I’m unclean? Jairus and all the important people must be furious at this delay! What will everyone think if I speak up?

Talkative people exuberantly move from one subject to another

Not hearing an immediate answer, Jesus’ disciples wanted to move on. But Jesus didn’t. He kept looking around.

She finally spoke up, shaking with fear. She may have stumbled over her words, felt the warmth of a blush on her face, winced as it turned to red-hot burning.

Jesus listened to the whole story: she had bled for twelve long years and spent all her money on doctors, but only gotten worse. When she heard Jesus was near, she thought if she could just touch his clothes, she could be free without bothering him. She had touched his cloak and felt healed immediately.

Jesus gave her his full attention, as if he thought her words important. This made the crowds acknowledge her and give her their full attention too. Everyone is looking at me! She glanced up and saw gentle eyes, eyes that bade her talk. And a kind smile that told her all was well. She locked her eyes on his.

People blossom when they feel valued & accepted

After Jesus listened, he called her “daughter”! Yes, “daughter.” She who hadn’t been the daughter of someone important like a synagogue ruler, was now being called daughter by this great man. What did it mean?

He said her faith had healed her and to go in peace. So he wasn’t mad. No, he was pleased she had approached him. She, a woman of no consequence who dared but touch his garment unnoticed, had been noticed, healed, and freed.

She smiled shyly and looked around. She saw compassion in the faces of tenderhearted people. She hadn’t expected this.

“Be freed from your suffering,” he said. Yes, she was free. She knew it!  Free not just from sickness, but from feeling alone, forgotten, and inconsequential.

***

If you’re not shy:

  • You can look around—like Jesus did—to find that man standing alone at church and the woman sitting quietly at a gathering.
  • Draw others out and listen to their stories.
  • Let others know they’re family and they’re valued.

If you’re shy:

  • Take heart from Jesus’ tenderness towards the timid woman.
  • The thoughtful statements of the more quiet are often insightful, so go ahead, take courage, and speak.
  • Know that shyness makes you no less valuable: a family needs members with all kinds of gifts, including the quiet gifts.
  • Go in peace, for you matter greatly to Jesus.

If you’re a small group leader:

  • You can imitate Jesus by looking around for the quiet people who take a little longer to speak up and encouraging them with a smile.
  • Help the talkative people not rush ahead when there’s a pause; show you’re not afraid of silence so they won’t be either.
  • Give those sharing your full attention—that shows you value both them and what they have to say; it also encourages others to do the same.
  • Treat all like family—after all, that’s what they are.
  • When people share something self-disclosing, let them know later privately how appreciative you are and how their courage will help others—it will give them peace and free them from the second guessing that all but the most self-assured feel.

At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’“ But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” ~Mark 5:30-34 

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Work Out Your Salvation?

Paul said, “Work out your salvation with fear and  trembling,” a statement which causes some Christians to fear and tremble. So let’s take a look at it.

Father tutors son

Aerospace engineer Matt teaches son Michael calculus

Doing works does not save us, but true salvation shows itself in works (Eph. 2:8-9). Paul is writing to believers about the outworking of their salvation in their everyday lives, an outworking that will cause them to shine like stars before those who do not yet believe. This labor should be with fear and trembling; that is, reverence and awe that recognizes subservience to Almighty God, that trembles before his power to destroy in hell, and that dares not turn grace into a license for sin.“Do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil,” Peter tells us, but rather, “fear God” (1Pe. 2:16-17).

Dallas Willard likens God to nuclear power: nuclear power isn’t mean, but should be respected because it’s dangerous. C. S. Lewis explains this respect to children in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe when Mr. Beaver describes Aslan, the great Lion who is King of Beasts and Son of the Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea: “‘Safe?… Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.’” [ref]C. S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (New York: Collier, 1970), 76.[/ref] To fear God is to respect his power and authority, and to therefore obey him. Yet we also have confidence before him because we know “His mercy extends to those who fear him” (Luke 1:50) and he “accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right” (Acts 10:35).

Paul says the reason we should work out our salvation is that God works in us “to will and to act according to his good purpose.” Rather than forcing us to obey, God works to give us both the desire and the ability to do what is right. God wants neither robots nor puppets. He wants creatures who freely choose to love and do right.

So how does our working out mesh with God’s working in?

Imagine the son of a mathematician deciding to learn calculus. He cannot learn it on his own: he doesn’t have the skills or knowledge within himself to do it. He turns to his father for help. The father explains the concepts, gives him problems to work, checks the boy’s progress, and arranges lessons to address weaknesses. Finally, the thing is done and the boy has learned calculus. He passes a college level equivalency exam. As a reward, he has college credit, his father’s commendation for doing well, and greater opportunities opened to him.

Can the boy say, “I did it all myself”? Of course not: without his father, he could do nothing. Should the boy say, “It was all my father—I did nothing”? That wouldn’t be true, for a lazy child would have learned nothing and would have received neither reward nor commendation.

So it is with us. Jesus said apart from him we can do nothing, but in him we will bear fruit (Jn. 15:5). We haven’t the skills or knowledge within ourselves to do it on our own. But if we remain in Jesus, our heavenly Father will teach us truth, give us problems to work, check our progress, and address our weaknesses. When fruit begins to grow, we cannot say, “I did it all myself,” for apart from him we can do nothing (1 Cor. 4:7). Yet we do have a part: “Continue to work out your salvation,” Paul says. We must attend to the lessons, work through the problems obediently, and take correction. One day, God will test the quality of our work and reward us accordingly.

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. ~Philippians 2:12-13

Adapted from Philippians: Steps to Joy and Peace (forthcoming)

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Why God Says No: A 3 Dog Tale

Sometimes God tells us No to test whether our hearts are faithful and obedient.

Dog jumping through hoop

My sister's dog Kaze obediently jumping through hoops

Imagine a master dog trainer who supplies dogs to the ATF, DEA and police is training a newly hired apprentice.

The trainer points to three calmly sitting dogs and says, “We just received these dogs that received their initial training elsewhere. We’re going to test them to see if they’re suitable for us and, if so, what level of training they should receive next. The unimaginative breeders named them Black Dog, Yellow Dog, and Spotted Dog.”

The trainer calls over Black Dog and tests how he obeys basic commands such as sit, stay, and heel, as well as trickier commands such as back up and growl. Then he tells the apprentice to test Yellow Dog and Spotted Dog. All dogs do well.

The trainer says, “Now test their obedience with food.”

The apprentice tells the dogs to sit. They obey. He opens a bag of kibbles and three dog noses twitch and turn his way as the grainy smell fills the air. He plunges a scoop noisily into the bag and the dogs’ ears perk. He pulls out the scoop full of brown bits and pours them with a clatter into three bowls as three pairs of eyes watch. Yellow Dog licks his chops and taps one forepaw on the floor. Finally the apprentice places the bowls before the dogs and commands, “Take it!” All the dogs leap forward and devour the kibbles in minutes.

The trainer says, “That’s not what I meant. That test means nothing because the dogs are doing what dogs do naturally. I can’t tell whether they’re eating because they’re obeying you or their own cravings.”

The trainer refills the bowls with kibble, commands, “Leave it!” and places the bowls before the dogs. Yellow Dog eats his kibbles, but the others sit quietly.

The master trainer says, “That shows me Yellow Dog may not work for us, but it doesn’t show me how obedient the other two are because their bellies are full. Don’t feed the dogs for 24 hours, and then we’ll test them again.”

After 24 hours, the apprentice brings the dogs to the master trainer. Yellow Dog growls and snaps at him, Spotted Dog whines, and Black Dog is quiet.

The trainer says, “Now test them like I showed you yesterday.”

The apprentice commands, “Leave it,” and places bowls of kibble in front of the dogs. Both Yellow Dog and Spotted Dog eat their kibble. Black Dog sits quietly, and Yellow Dog eats Black Dog’s kibble too.

The trainer says, “Now we know Black Dog is obedient from the heart: she’ll obey even when hungry. Give Yellow Dog away, for she won’t meet our needs. Put Spotted Dog in intermediate training. I’ll take Black Dog for now and reward her with a steak, for her desire to obey her master is greater than her desire to obey her hunger. I have great plans for her.”

And so it is with us. God tests us to expose what’s in our hearts. He gives more training to those who need it. And to those who don’t, He entrusts with greater tasks and rewards with eternal riches.

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” ~1 Peter 1:6-7

“Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.” ~Deuteronomy 8:2

Related: Why God Says No: To Teach Eternal Purpose

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Why God Says No: To Teach Eternal Purpose

Caged Eagle: why God says no

Injured eagle rescued & now protected within cage in Sitka, Alaska

Why does God sometimes say No to things we seem to really need for peace and happiness?

Many years ago a small business I worked for shut down unexpectedly, leaving me unemployed in the middle of a recession a few months before I was to be married. I had a tough time finding a new job. Finally the owner of a small family photography studio offered me a receptionist position that would meet my former salary if I worked 48 hours per week. I took it.

On my first day, I discovered that what Tom, the owner, had called “some phone work” was really telephone solicitation, and that it was to be my main duty.

I hated it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make my quota and my stomach tied in knots every morning as I faced another day of failure. Additionally, Tom listened to everything his staff said via intercoms so he could correct every mistake and critique every lost sale.

Though I was grateful for a job that allowed our wedding to go on, I felt I needed a less stressful job and prayed regularly for such. But time stretched on and I remained there.

***

The Israelites faced something similar. During the trek through barren desert to the Promised Land, God fed them manna. It sustained them, but they grew tired of it day after day, morning, noon and night. They craved lamb and fish and garlic and leeks. Why wouldn’t God give them a varied diet?

Later Moses told them one of the reasons God met their needs, but not their cravings, had been “to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD” (Deuteronomy 8:3). In other words, sometimes God says No to teach us important lessons.

He wanted to teach them that just as their bodies craved physical food, so their spirits craved the spiritual food of God’s words, even though they didn’t feel hunger pangs in the same way. Cucumbers and melons could support physical life, but not spiritual life. They needed to seek spiritual life in His words.

The fact is, our deep spiritual longings can be filled only with eternal things.

Some people never grasp this. They chase pleasures, possessions and positions. They may feel a fleeting satisfaction whenever they grab one, but it soon fades and the chase resumes.

But God wants us to live by His words and seek fulfillment in the Creator rather than creation, in the eternal rather than the temporal.

***

I persevered at the job I hated. In God’s Word I found that He wanted me to respond by trying my best, being thankful that He could work this job for my good, and looking for ways to share the gospel.

After nearly a year, two co-workers turned their lives over to Christ. We met regularly before work for Bible study. Then we all found new jobs.

I discovered that having a job I liked wasn’t a need, but a desire, and life isn’t just about enjoying myself. It’s about doing things that have eternal purpose, things that God rewards eternally. That was deeply satisfying, more satisfying, in fact, than even the agreeable jobs I’ve had since.

Are you in a difficult situation where you lack some of the things you really desire? Go ahead and ask God to change it, but until He does, seek satisfaction in Him.

He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. ~Deuteronomy 8:3

Related:  Why God Says No: A 3 Dog Tale

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